Dear John: My wife had an affair that lasted two weeks. Now she is "sorry" and wants to rebuild our relationship, but at the same time, she says that she needs her independence.

She insists on taking weekend trips and maintaining email contact with male friends who have expressed romantic interest in her. These men have in the past offered to have her come stay with them for a weekend. She has declined, but because of the affair, I am suspicious. Am I just way too suspicious and hurt because of her betrayal? —Seeking a Better Solution, in Columbia, S.C.

Dear Seeking: The issue of fidelity is, for good reason, of primary concern to you at this time. Your wife should recognize and respect this.

Each of us has the right and the need to be independent. However, in a monogamous relationship, that independence is built on trust. In truth, each partner has a right to feel reasonably secure that his or her marriage vows are being honored.

From what you have written, she seems to have a degree of self-doubt as to the depth of her commitment to the success of your relationship. If she is unwilling to demonstrate this in her own actions, then the only decision left for you to make is whether or not the relationship is worth the heartache you may incur. You deserve better. If you think so too, then perhaps it is time to move on and/or at a minimum, insist on shared conflict resolution counseling.

Dear John: My husband Phil has a habit of bringing up conflict issues when we're around friends and family. When Phil does this, he focuses on making me look like the one who was wrong. Of course, when this happens, we get mad at one another in front of our company. It is the worst feeling to have people look at us as if we're a troubled couple filled with problems! Why does he keep doing this? —Regretting a Loss of Privacy, in Petaluma, Calif.

Dear Regretting: My guess is that Phil may be looking for an audience who can support his point of view. Whatever his reason, you're right: It's inappropriate for him to air your problems in public. It makes you uncomfortable, and your guests feel caught in the middle and are undoubtedly uncomfortable as well.

The next time Phil starts doing this, ignore it. If the silent treatment doesn't work, walk off the stage. Excuse yourself to your guests, and go for a walk around the block. Your friends will understand and respect your decision. After they have gone, ask Phil to consider airing his grievances to a smaller audience — you and a family counselor. Let's hope, he'll awaken to the negative aspects of his behavior, and you'll begin down the path of changing this behavior.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.