Dear John: If you find someone that you're attracted to is it at all possible that you can create a love between you by just working at it? Or is it more a matter of finding that one-and-only right person who has just the right magic to make it all work? I am a 25-year-old male eager to hear your answer and eager to find my soul mate! — Curious, in Springfield, Ill.

Dear Curious: While attraction, and what you poetically call "magic," is the spark that ignites the future of any loving relationship, the relationship either flourishes or quickly perishes as we better discern our needs and our partners' abilities to provide for them. No amount of attraction on one partner's side can sustain a relationship by itself. Attraction must be maintained by both partners, beyond an initial encounter, in order to grow into true and lasting love.

Dear John: Carl and I have been living together for three years. About three months ago, a friend called and told me that he has been stealing from me, namely my coin collection, which has been a 25-year endeavor. This is unthinkable! Worst yet, this "friend" squealed on Carl out of revenge: She was sleeping with him, and he promised her cash and didn't deliver. Should I dump Carl without any further thought or is there any hope here? He says he is very ashamed, that he loves me, and would like to make it up to me. But I would feel like such a fool if it were to happen again. What do you think? — Ripped Off, in Portland, Ore.

Dear Ripped Off: Actions speak louder than words. This guy is not trustworthy, and you would be unwise to allow him back into your life.

I'm sure there were other times during those three years in which he was unfaithful or dishonest. The writing was on the wall, and it wasn't in hieroglyphics. Why did you choose to ignore it then? Probably for the same reason you would ignore it now: You have issues with your own sense of self-esteem. Carl is a bad habit; one you need to break now. Take care of that first and then focus on you and your needs.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.