Dear John, I'm a 46 year-old professional male. I've been divorced for one year now. I have two beautiful girls who live nearby with their mother. We were married for 15 years.

Prior to our divorce, I asked her, "Why do you want a divorce?" Her reply was: "You're are a good man. You're not abusive to the kids or me. You don't gamble. You don't mess around and you're a good father and husband. You're not a drug user or an alcoholic. I want unconditional love, and I just don't want to be married to you right now."

Since then, I've been living with an open wound. I haven't been able to heal or even get this out of my mind. I still care about her, and I love my two girls, with whom I spend a lot of time. How can I get some closure on this? —Wounded in Billings, Mont.

Dear Wounded, Right now, you are focusing on the many things your ex-wife said to justify why she left. What you have not considered are all the things she may or may not have said while the two of you were together that would have indicated that she was unhappy in the first place.

In order to move forward with your life, you must complete your grieving process. Within this process, you will experience several healing emotions: You will first feel angry at her, yourself and the situation; then you'll feel a sadness that will allow you to surrender your resistance; next, you'll feel fear for an unknown future; finally, you'll move into sorrow when you realize that you are powerless to undo what has happened.

These are negative emotions, and the goal is to avoid getting stuck in anyone of them. I strongly recommend you consider counseling to help you move beyond these stages of grief. The end of an intimate relationship is a devastating loss, regardless of the conditions leading up to the break. How we heal from loss will determine how we live the rest of our lives.

Dear John, Could you give me advice on how to write a letter expressing my love and regret? We had a fight, and I'm ready to make up! —Penning My Hopes in Brisbane, CA

Dear Penning, It is difficult to communicate lovingly when you're upset. By writing out our feelings, we are better able to release negativity and communicate in a loving way. There are three aspects to the love letter technique. First, you write a letter to express what you are feeling, whether it is anger, sadness, fear, regret or love. You then write a "response letter" which expresses what you would want to hear from your partner; Finally, you share this feeling letter, and the response to the letter with your partner. Opening up to our feelings is never easy. Putting them down on paper helps us to focus on those issues that have real and lasting meaning to us.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.