Dear John: My wife doesn't want me to leave the house! She was never like this when we first got married, but now after five years and the birth of our son and daughter, she has become such a homebody that she never goes out with her friends, and she hates when I want to go out with mine.

She gives me a big guilt trip about going out once or twice a month with friends. In the past two months, other than to go to work and run errands, I haven't been out at all. Sometimes a guy just wants to hang with the guys, shoot some hoops, have a beer and go to a baseball game. How do I get this across to her? —Locked up, in Glenview, Ill.

Dear Locked up: To help her move beyond her issues, suggest that both of you sit down and develop a social calendar. It should allow for each of you to go out individually a couple of times each month. Individual outings might mean a beer with the guys for you or a movie with a friend for her. When these outings occur, the other partner will baby-sit. Your calendar should also include weekly "dates" just for the two of you. Get a babysitter, relative or friend to cover (and offer to reciprocate, of course) then plan a special evening (or afternoon) out — to dinner or a movie or just to take in the sights, as you did when you were first attracted. Both of you should treat this as a date: In other words, forget the jeans, and put on a pair of slacks.

Once in a while, include another couple in your plans. By reminding her how much fun you can all have together as adults — and how much fun she is, with or without you — you'll put her insecurities about not being home to rest.

Dear John: My husband wants to put a video camera in our bedroom and then hook it up to the Internet. I say this is a form of voyeurism, but he claims that it will make our relationship more exciting. I think it's over the top! What do you think? —Not Into It, in Fresno, Calif.

Dear Not Into It: If this makes you uncomfortable, by all means tell him it's a no-go. You have a right to your privacy — especially during lovemaking. I suspect his desire to be observed by others while making love has come up before. It's by no means an extraordinary fetish but one that must be shared by both partners. He needs to respect your wishes in this manner and move beyond this particular fantasy.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"; If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: [email protected]. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.