Dear Margo: I'm a ninth grader at a small private school. I recently found out that someone who used to go to my school and is now at another school is smoking and dealing pot. When I found this out, I wondered if anyone at my school was doing this, so I asked a friend. (I am slightly oblivious to what is going on in my grade, so even if I don't know about it, it could still be happening.)

My friend told me there are just a few kids in my grade smoking pot. I don't know who, but apparently my friend knows, and it's supposedly common knowledge in my grade. I was also told that these people are only doing it once every couple of months.

What can I do to help these few people stop, and to get the person at the other school to stop dealing and using? I don't want to ruin his life or get him in trouble, but I am worried that if I don't do something that worse things will happen. Is there anything I can do? — Sally H.

Dear Sal: I am going to give you a realistic answer, not a utopian one. I do not think a high-school freshman can convince another kid to stop smoking dope. And ... if your information is correct that it's only once in a while, that falls under the category of "experimenting."

What I do think is serious is the kid who is dealing. I would advise the head of the school or the juvenile division of your local police department that there's a good chance that so-and-so is dealing. You will be doing that kid a favor, because, being a high-school kid, they will scare the bejesus out of him, that will be the end of that, and he likely will be put on probation. — Margo, interventionally

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Dear Margo: How do you deal with someone who buys you things after you've asked them not to? I'm having this issue with my mother, who does just that. I feel it's rude and disrespectful to do something when a person has asked you not to.

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I have said multiple times to her, "Please don't get me anything else, as I have no space for anything." I received gifts for both this Christmas and last that I flat-out said I didn't want because I had no room in my kitchen for them. "Do you need pots and pans?" "No, the set I have is still good." Then I get a new set of pots and pans. This goes for other things, as well.

I feel she is trying to compensate for being a bad/absent mother in my teenage years (another letter completely). I don't know how to deal with this and get the message through. It's like she's trying to make my home as cluttered and filled with useless things as hers! — Aggravated

Dear Ag: You have stated your wishes — more than once — and she has ignored them — more than once. What I suggest you do is return whatever it is you don't need for store credit and use the credit to buy gifts for others or things you'd have to buy for yourself (e.g., clothes, office supplies, things for your kids if you have them).

When people are not listening to you, they do not hear you. And a simple "thank you" when these unwanted things arrive, without a reminder that you didn't need it, may startle her into doing things your way. Yours are what I call high-class worries. Too many pots and pans, not enough space? Nah, I think an old emotional situation is playing out. You seem to understand the dynamic, so don't let it get to you. — Margo, perceptively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.