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What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
Good To Go
Dear Margo: My father recently got a diagnosis of stage-four liver cancer. He is adamant that he wishes to die at home. In addition to needing information about how this can be arranged, I have now started thinking about my own health and wishes. I …Read more.
To Be Drawn In or Not To Be
Dear Margo: I'm a ninth grader at a small private school. I recently found out that someone who used to go to my school and is now at another school is smoking and dealing pot. When I found this out, I wondered if anyone at my school was doing this, …Read more.
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A Troubled Person Must Want To "Fix" HimselfDear Margo: I am a 28-year-old woman with a conundrum. I am married to a man I love very much, who says he loves me. However, things are unraveling fast for us. Before we got married, we spoke of all the things we would like to do together — travel, buy a house, make a life for ourselves. Yet, not long after we officially tied the knot, he lost interest in doing any of those things. Our fifth anniversary is quickly approaching, and he refuses to put a dollar away for a down payment on a house or to plan a trip. When I ask him why, he has no good answers. Even worse, he has lost interest in many of the things he used to love. He won't go anywhere with me, he won't make plans, he doesn't go out with friends, he refuses to spend time with either of our families, and he doesn't even buy me birthday presents anymore. Everything in our lives revolves around him and what he wants, which is just to sit around the house unbothered by anyone's expectations. I suspect he is depressed, but he refuses to see a counselor or doctor to deal with it. I just want him to be happy again, but I feel my life is deteriorating because I am trying to put his back together. I feel very unloved at the moment because all of the care and support in our marriage comes from me, with nothing given in return. I just want the man I fell in love with and married. It has gotten to the point where he is telling me I can do better than him. So my question is: Should I? — Confused in Kansas City Dear Con: I agree that he is depressed, and I also think you need not stick around for this drama if he refuses to get help. I would give him a choice: either/or.
What To Do When People Put You in the Middle Dear Margo: I work in a small office of a dozen people, most of whom are transient employees who come and go every few years. I and two other women, "Liz" and "Miranda," are the only permanent employees. Liz and Miranda have worked together for a number of years and truly detest one another. I started a few months ago and get along with both of them, though I'm not sure for how much longer. Both of them complain endlessly to me about the other, often on a daily basis. I listen sympathetically, but there's only so much I can take. They both think I'm on their "side," but I think they both need an attitude adjustment. What can I say to them so they stop using me to vent? They are quite immature, and I'm afraid they'll instantly resent me and make work even less pleasant. The sad thing is that I'm decades younger than these women, yet I often feel like the only adult! — Punching Bag in Canada Dear Punch: I am especially sympathetic to workplace problems in a small office because there is really no place to hide. Too bad these babes are not among the transients, but there you are. I would recommend that the next time you are the designated Dr. Phil, just say that you feel uncomfortable and unqualified to offer advice about their particular problem. If you're feeling really bold, you could suggest to one, or both, that perhaps relocating to another job might provide the solution. — Margo, tactically Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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