What To Say in the Wake of Tragedy Dear Annie: This is in response to "Confused and Hurting," whose 18-year-old son had taken his life. The family felt the community was snubbing them, as well as their sixth grader. When my brother died from AIDS 20 years ago, few people in our small …Read more. The Infidelity of Ongoing Flirty Dirty Talk Dear Annie: I recently found out that my 62-year-old husband has been texting a woman with whom he had an intimate relationship in the past. He has admitted that these texts were flirtatious and filled with "dirty talk." He swears that there was no …Read more. Be the Good Example This Little Boy's Mom Is Not Dear Annie: My younger sister, "Nora," is 43 and acts like an 18-year-old brat. She became pregnant nine years ago by a drug addict who is currently in jail for raping a 14-year-old girl. (He is out of the picture, thank goodness.) I love my nephew, …Read more. Putting the Kibosh on Cranky Clyde Dear Annie: My husband, an only child, never had a great relationship with his father, "Clyde." My mother-in-law died six years ago, and my husband passed away three years later. While things are improving for my daughter and me, we are both having …Read more.more articles
When a Healthy Dose of Suspicion Makes Sense
Dear Annie: "Bill" and I have been married for 43 years. He retired three years ago. We didn't socialize with any of his co-workers, so I didn't know them well.
Last Christmas, Bill got a card with no return address. It only had Bill's name on it. I handed it to him so he had to open it in front of me. It was a really nice card from "Betty" and a note telling him how much she missed him, their talks, their lunches and their personal conversations. She suggested they get together for a holiday lunch.
When I asked Bill why he never mentioned Betty to me, he said the lunches didn't mean anything and he probably forgot because they were so insignificant. I don't believe him. We have always told each other everything. He put Betty's card on display with the others, but I asked him to take it down since it wasn't sent to us as a couple. He said he'd throw it away because it made me unhappy. But, Annie, my instincts said he was lying, so I checked the trash. No card. The other day, I saw his old briefcase, and inside was Betty's card. He had written her phone number on it.
If this card meant nothing to him, why keep it? Why lie to me? I love my husband. I want to trust him. I've never had reason not to, but I'm shaken to the core. Now I pay close attention when he leaves the house and keep track of how long he's gone. Last week, he said he needed to run some errands and was gone for nearly two hours. He claims he ran into "Dave," a former co-worker, but I wonder if this was Betty's holiday lunch.
I hate feeling this way. My kids say to forget about it before I make myself sick. Are they right? Am I just paranoid? — Card Woes
Dear Card: No. Your husband is not being totally truthful about Betty, and this creates suspicion and distrust, both of which undermine your relationship.
Dear Annie: Recently, my wife and I were in Las Vegas and had a terrible experience at a buffet at one of the top hotels. I sent an email to the manager, and she forwarded it to the executive chef. The executive chef apologized, invited us to dine at any of the hotel's restaurants and suggested the most expensive one. He met us at the restaurant and said to order anything we wanted on the menu, starting with wine. The total bill came to $350.
I said we should leave a tip, but my wife (who has a restaurant background) said that when the management invites you, you do not tip. Who is right? — Comped Bill
Dear Bill: You are. The waitstaff still had to work to serve you, no matter who paid the bill. Unless there was an added service charge that was then picked up by the owner, the waitstaff should not be penalized because you had a bad experience at another location.
Dear Annie: "Hurt in California" felt bad that she called the police on a brother who might be raising children in a neglectful, possibly abusive environment.
As a person whose childhood was very similar to that scenario, I would have been rescued many times over if an adult had had the courage to call Child Protective Services. I cringe when I hear my aunts say they still wonder whether they should have done the same, but "didn't want to interfere."
Please take the risk of sticking up for those kids. They will remember for the rest of their lives that someone was paying attention. — Shouldawouldacoulda
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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