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Dear Annie: Last month, an old boyfriend contacted me. I hadn't seen "Bud" in 30 years. We had a wonderful conversation. I visited him at his home. He even sent me a large sum of money to help pay off a mortgage bill. We now talk at least …Read more.
Trusting Cheaters
Dear Annie: I'm in my early 20s and have been dating "Aidan" for a year. He attends college two hours away. He doesn't socialize much and stresses a lot about his grades. His only real friend is "Cara," a girl we went to high …Read more.
Bare Naked Mommies
Dear Annie: I am becoming excessively annoyed by a new trend I'm seeing with my friends who have recently become parents — the "naked mommy."
I'm 27 and have not yet had children. Several of my friends are having their second or …Read more.
The Long Trip to Tenuous
Dear Annie: My father and I have never had the best relationship. He was domineering, controlling and verbally abusive to me as a teenager, and as a result, I rebelled and did things specifically to irritate him. Several times, he kicked me out of …Read more.
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Mystery in the Middle
Dear Annie: My husband and I have three adult sons. The oldest and youngest are married, but the middle son (age 56) is not. He has his own house in our neighborhood and has had a younger man living with him for many years. We assume our son is gay, which is fine, but he has never admitted it.
The last time we saw our son was Father's Day. I sent him a birthday card in late July and asked why we haven't heard from him. I reassured him that we love him. I received no response. We then called and left phone messages twice. Still no word.
When we do get together, our son is friendly, pleasant and charming. However, we are hurt and disappointed that he never invites us over, nor does he keep in touch other than a few times a year. Should we just accept this behavior or confront him in person by showing up at his home? — Pariahs, Not Parents
Dear Parents: Oh, please don't do that. Some children are not comfortable having their parents over, and an unexpected visit would likely make matters worse.
If you believe the "younger man" is his partner, we hope you have welcomed both of them to your home. Your son might appreciate your acceptance of this man as part of his life, and it may make him more amenable to closer contact. But our main concern is whether your son is OK. Is it unusual not to have heard from him since June, despite your birthday card and phone messages? You might want to call once more and tell him you are worried about his well-being.
Dear Annie: I remember all of the letters about how to hang the toilet paper. I have a different question on the subject.
Several of my friends just prop the roll of toilet paper on top of the cylinder instead of sticking the roller through the hole in the paper. People then pick up the roll with their hands and remove as much as they need. This might not be so bad, except that some people use the roll more than once on the same bathroom visit. Also, sometimes the toilet paper is dropped on the floor before being re-propped.
Several times I have made remarks regarding how unhealthy this habit may be, but they just laugh. Although they are otherwise hygienic, these people seem to have more upset stomachs than our other friends.
When I visit their houses, I carry folded toilet paper in my purse in order to avoid using their well-handled rolls. They tease me for being germophobic, saying everyone washes their hands before leaving the bathroom. But what if they first brush the hair out of their eyes or touch their mouths before washing their contaminated hands? Is this healthy? — One Who Wants the Tissue Hung Properly
Dear Tissue: This seems less an issue of hygiene than one of laziness. We are unaware of any studies that differentiate between using a propped-up roll of toilet paper versus one on a roller. But we can tell you that the probability of having the roll fall on the floor (or in the toilet) makes it automatically less sanitary than using the roller. And by the way, it is highly unlikely that all those who use the bathroom wash their hands with soap and water before leaving.
Dear Annie: "Cool Grandma Doesn't Care" said her mother-in-law is encouraging her adult daughter to share sleeping arrangements with her live-in boyfriend, even though Mom and Dad disapprove. You said Grandma can do what she wants in her own home.
What about the daughter and her boyfriend respecting her parents' wishes regardless of where they sleep? The boyfriend should do the right thing. Better to make a possible future mother-in-law happy than Grandma. — El Segundo, Calif.
Dear El: That would be exceptionally gracious, but Mom cannot force him to do it, and her daughter doesn't seem inclined to ask.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS.COM
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46 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1 - do something to determine whether your son is alive and well or not. Maybe that is keeping an eye on his house, since you say he lives in your neighborhood, until you see him by his house. Maybe that is asking one of your other kids or grandkids to drop by & see him or contact him by phone and report back to you. Annie's advice is useless. They suggest that you should be concerned for your son's well being because you haven't heard from him in 6 months yet not concerned enough to knock on his door? There's no consistency or logic to that.
LW2 - even worse than Annie's advice to LW1 is the fact that they printed this at all. Assuming this letter isn't a troll, she or he should see a counselor because his/her friends are right to laugh at someone who is so uptight about something so trivial.
Comment: #1
Posted by: kai archie
Mon Dec 5, 2011 9:21 PM
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LW1 - do something to determine whether your son is alive and well or not. Maybe that is keeping an eye on his house, since you say he lives in your neighborhood, until you see him by his house. Maybe that is asking one of your other kids or grandkids to drop by & see him or contact him by phone and report back to you. Annie's advice is useless. They suggest that you should be concerned for your son's well being because you haven't heard from him in 6 months yet not concerned enough to knock on his door? There's no consistency or logic to that.
LW2 - even worse than Annie's advice to LW1 is the fact that they printed this at all. Assuming this letter isn't a troll, she or he should see a counselor because his/her friends are right to laugh at someone who is so uptight about something so trivial.
Comment: #2
Posted by: kai archie
Mon Dec 5, 2011 9:23 PM
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LW1: Don't you speak with your other children? Have they spoken with your son? If your son lives in your neighborhood, surely you've seen him? I don't understand how you could live that close to someone and have no idea if he's OK or not.
LW2: How exactly does one use toilet paper without touching it with one's hands? The visual this brings up is hysterical. Personally, even if someone dropped-kicked the toilet paper in your friend's home, it would be cleaner than anything I would have folded up in my purse. Ick! Do you keep your folded TP in a Zip-Loc? Too funny...
Comment: #3
Posted by: bobbywo
Mon Dec 5, 2011 11:39 PM
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LW1 - Do not show up at his house unannounced. If he wanted you there, he would invite you. However, I think you should ask him the questions that are on your mind. But use a nice, normal tone when you do, not an accusational one. And then LISTEN to his response. Maybe you're overbearing and he can only stand to see you every few months. Maybe it takes all the energy he can muster to be "friendly, pleasant and charming" on the few occasions that he does see you. Maybe your spouse teases him, berates him or criticizes him and he only has a little energy to let it roll off his back but if he saw your spouse more he'd go off on him. Listen with open ears to his response and work with that. If there's a problem, try to own up to your responsibility and part in any problem and ask him what you can do differently or how you can fix it. Maybe if he thinks you're actually listening to him and that you would work very hard to change whatever issue there is (if he thinks part of the problem is your or your spouse's behavior) he will be honest.
Comment: #4
Posted by: FAW
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:08 AM
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Did somebody seriously just write in to complain that maybe the roll of TP they use to wipe shit off their butt isn't sanitary enough? What, you think your poop is going to get cooties? "Some people use the roll more than once in the same visit." So what? They do it if it's on the spindle too. And again, toilet paper is used to wipe urine and fecal matter off your body. Anything going ON the toilet paper is far less sanitary than anything coming OFF the toilet paper, I assure you. My God, LW2, get a grip. As long as you wash YOUR hands after using the bathroom and before/during preparing food, and you have a normal immune system, you'll be fine.
Comment: #5
Posted by: limniade
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:28 AM
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Re: limniade
I also find this really amusing. They also found it more gross because sometimes people might use the roll more than once on a visit. They can do that too with a properly hanging roll thereby getting their germy hands on the roll a second time. Folks who are going to then wipe their hands in their hair before washing are going to do it whether it is a properly hung roll or not. This lady obviously has a few screws loose. The science channel had a good program about germs around the house with Mike Rowe from Discovery's Dirty Jobs and the segment on the bathroom was funny. The roll no matter what position gets a lot of the spray from the flush cycle was well as anything that is left out on the sink. The great part is that most of the germs can only live for a short time outside the body and outside moisture. The worst place in the house for germs was the kitchen. Some people just seem to need something to complain about.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Paula
Tue Dec 6, 2011 2:37 AM
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The TP thing is tickling my funnybone as well. Bringing up the tv shows and the spray from the flush of the commode brought to mind an episode of "Bones" from last season (I think) where Bones tells Booth about putting the lid down on the toilet before flushing to avoid getting spray on their (his and his GF's) toothbrushes. LOL, later in the show he comes home with, not a bottle of wine, but 2 brand new toothbrushes. Some people are totally anal about stuff. I'm laughing right now. My grandma always says, "you eat a peck of dirt before you die." I am gonna be laughing about this one all day.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Cathy ARmacost
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:09 AM
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Limanade you made my morning! I almost spat my coffee out on my keyboard! And I totally agree with Paula and Cathy about the spray from the toilet. There was a show about our own TOOTHBRUSHES having skanky things on it because if the spray from the toilet. But don't let LW1 hear about that, or she'll be a bubble woman.
Comment: #8
Posted by: happymom
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:25 AM
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LW1 - I think FAW makes some great points. Children don't just stop speaking to their parents for no reason. There is obvioulsy a reason. Is it your behavior or something you said? Talk to your other children and see if they've heard from him. I don't think you should go over unannounced, though. That'll just make things worse.
Next time you send him an invite, I would invite his roommate, too. A simple, "We'd love to have John come, too. Please extend the invite to him." Good luck.
LW 2 - Like Paula said, some people just need something to complain about! Sheesh! If it bothers you so much, then stay home.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Michelle
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:28 AM
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Re: LW1, it does seem like your thought about your son being gay is a strong possibility. But I'm not sure how your son lives in your neighborhood but you haven't seen him in six months, that seems a bit odd to me. Have you always had a more distant relationship? Have you asked your other sons if they are in touch with the middle brother, and if he's okay?
Has something happened in the past that would make him want to keep a distance from you?
If you don't get any answers there and you need to try to repair the relationship, you might invite him and the younger man to dinner, just to get to know each other better. Alternatively, you might call him and make it clear indirectly that you have no problem with gay people in general, and see where the conversation goes. I wouldn't come directly out and tell him you think he's gay and you still love him -- if he's been hiding this from you, coming at him directly may be difficult, and he may "clam up" or get defensive. So ease into that, perhaps over a few conversations.
But it is true, sometimes the family figures it out and "comes out" to the gay son, it does happen.
One other thing... has there been any time in the past, maybe even when he was a teen, that you or someone in your family regularly made homophobic remarks? Those kinds of things can stick with a family member, and that may explain why he has been so hesitant to come out to you -- if indeed this is what the situation is.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Mike H
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:31 AM
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LW1--You don't say what your son's relationship with his brothers is, which leads me to believe it's of a similar state. Has it occurred to you and your husband that your son's minimal contact with you has nothing whatsoever to do with his lifestyle but rather stems from his being a "middle child"? Many professionals claim that so called “Middle Child Syndrome” is very real. Many children born in the middle tell a similar story of constantly being ignored and often grow resentful of all the parental attention given to the oldest and the baby of the family, and justifiably feel short-shifted. Three children triangulate sibling relationships, with one child at any given point feeling like the odd man out from the chumminess of the other two. It's very possible your son was the odd man out more often than not. Middle children have to try harder to “be heard” or get noticed for their achievements; over time, some, like your son perhaps, simply give up and become fiercely independent adults who appear not to need (or want) the attentions of their parents anymore. Instead of forcibly thrusting yourself into your son's life and playing the neglected parents card, try instead to approach him as a highly independent equal.
LW2--Get a frigging life!!!!
Comment: #11
Posted by: Chris
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:45 AM
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RE: LW1
I would say I am going out on a limb here, but I don't think I really am, but what if his parter/boyfriend is a possessive creep ? Forget the fact that he is gay for one second, if this was a woman, or if instead of a son, it was a daughter, most of us would have probably concluded that their kid might be in a abusive relationship. I'd be more on the look out for bruises or see if there any signs that the son is being isolated or cut off from family and other contacts.
Not every gay relationship is picture perfect, and gay relationships can have the same problems as straight ones do, including but not limited to domestic violence, insecure spouses, obsessive control freaks who isolate, con-artists (he does own the house) etc. We've all heard or read or whatnot about someone younger getting with someone older, and manipulating them, and using them, so its something that should be considered as a possibility.
First thing is first, find out if he is talking to other family members, then try and find out if he has been seen around the neighborhood, ask around a little bit, and in the worst case scenario, yes, even go to his house, something might be very very wrong, but do your homework first (like find out more about this guy he is with).
Comment: #12
Posted by: Mookster
Tue Dec 6, 2011 4:10 AM
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LW 1 - I have to agree with Mike H. and Chris on this LW problem. And yesh, it's possible that LW's son is gay and this is why he is avoiding LW as he assumes she or the whole family knows and doesn't want 20 ???? thrown at him.
As others have posted, call him again, invite him and friend to dinner, hopefully, this will be the first step towards an open door. And please, DO NOT bring up the subject about being gay, gay people or anything related to the subject. If the son is gay, let him be the one, when he's ready, to say he is.
LW 2 - I'm going to forget I'm a lady for about 2 min. Who gives a flying f**k which way the toilet paper goes. It's almost as if this letter was at the bottom of the mail bag and the Annie's were waiting for a rainy day to print it.
If your arm is skinny enough, just carry a roll of TP on your arm and "DON"T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT."
This letter definitely should have gone down the toilet and NOT printed !
Comment: #13
Posted by: Gwen
Tue Dec 6, 2011 4:34 AM
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LW2
This is on the Zed-list of topics to bring to an advice column.
LW3
You state: "What about the daughter and her boyfriend respecting her parents' wishes regardless of where they sleep?"
Your salient point seems to be that a 25 year old woman should still be under her parents' control at all times and places. This is not the dark ages. Independent adults can make their own choices.
```
Comment: #14
Posted by: Word A Day Mate
Tue Dec 6, 2011 5:10 AM
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LW1: Why do people assume that two men can't share a house unless they are gay?
The parents "assume" he is gay, but they don't have any concrete proof from what we can tell. I have a few guy friends, who for whatever reason, also live with men friends, and trust me, they are not gay at all, simply sharing a residence. Two are recently divorced and started sharing one of their homes because of costs, and discovered they liked living together for many reasons: they work in similar fields and their kids are close. They know this won't last forever, but because they are also both a little gunshy after their divorces, having a friend in the house is great.
Another friend I know lives with another guy, has for almost 20 years (!) both are straight but don't want to get married to anyone at this time (quite the guys around town, they have more women cruising in and out of that house then the Ladie's Room at Nordstrom during a shoe sale) , but they live together because their two salaries enable them to live in a waterfront home with a maid three days a week.
My thought when reading this letter is that the son either has an issue of some sort with his parents (doesn't have to be because he's gay, could be he doesn't agree with their politics, is sick of them asking him "Why aren't you married? When are you going to settle down?" type stuff) or that he has something to HIDE. That could be that he's gay, but in this day and age, more and more gay people are coming out and it is far more socially acceptable than even five years ago, but it could also very well be drug abuse, a messy house (hoarder?), the place is overfun with cats he's brought in from sub zero temperatures.... who can say? And, here's the deal, it's really none of their business. He's an adult!
I have done exactly as the LW has done (limited contact with my parents) when I was developing my business. Why? Because my mother in particular is very negative about new businesses and everytime I would try to talk to her about my business, she'd shoot it down. In her mind, she was being practical, in my mind she was killing my spirit. I didn't talk to her for almost 6 months. I was in touch with my brother however, and asked him to tell mom to back off. He did and she did. We reached a happy medium, but I still refuse to talk to her about the business.
The LW shoulc contact the brothers to see if they are in contact with the son and if so and he's ok, then they need to let this rest. Continue to send cards and call maybe once a month, and leave it be. If there's a health issue, of course you get involved, but since he lives so close, if he needed youhe would come to you (unless as a poster mentioned, it's a domestic violence issue). Do NOT show up at his house unless you are invited.
And remember, to assume makes an a$$ out of U and ME.
Comment: #15
Posted by: nanchan
Tue Dec 6, 2011 5:26 AM
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If my son was absent and quiet for 6 months I would be afraid he had died in that house! Go knock on the door.
If no answer, call the police. If he is there, and gets angry about the police thing you can tell him that his non-responsiveness caused you to fear the worst. Next time he might return your calls once in a while.
We called the police over a non-responsive friend. They broke in and found his dead body!
Comment: #16
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Tue Dec 6, 2011 5:39 AM
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LW1: Your suggestion that you "confront" this son at his house, combined with the guilt trip in the birthday card, I suggest to me that you are pushing this son, and that you need to dial the pushing way back if you don't want him to disappear altogether. He has "never admitted" being gay? That suggests to me that you have come out and asked him, perhaps more than once -- otherwise, you might have said "he has never introduced this man as his partner" or "he's never told us he's gay."
At this stage in your lives, communication is pretty much voluntary, and your expectations, and behavior, need to reflect that.
You're looking for assurance that he's alive? Get online, if you're not already, and play something like Words with Friends. That's one way I check on my mom's well-being without getting in her face. Send cards, but skip the written expectations, and leave phone messages without the summons.
You want to have dinner with him regularly? Invite him -- and the guy he lives with, too. Don't go on and on about the sibs and his nieces/nephews, and don't ask intrusive questions. Just convey the message that you like seeing him, you're proud of him, and enjoy being with him.
Comment: #17
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Dec 6, 2011 6:46 AM
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LW1-
I know people who stayed away from family gatherings for years (and only went back because their children begged them to, because they wanted them there), because they were made to feel so unwelcome. And the people who did that refused to admit that they did, and were fighting for the right to be wrong.
And children are not always treated the same way by their parents. The fact that there doesn't seem to be a problem with other two is not an indicatiom that nothing wrong was ever done - the oldest may have been favoured because of his position as firstborn and the youngest because he was the baby, leaving the middle child holding an empty bag and feeling like a third wheel. In fact, it happens often enough to be called a syndrome.
LW1, I would take a long, hard look at whatever complaint this son may have levelled in the past. And if you cannot find anything your son could feel uncomfortable about, I suggest you check with your other children. If they don't know either, check with extended family members close enough to know the family dynamics. If the three of you have (perhaps unwittingly) closed ranks tightly enough, it may very well be that Middle Son has been shut out to the point where any part of the preferred inner circle won't be in a position to have an unbiased perception.
I find it quite appalling that you would be totally ignorant of the well-being of someone who lives so close to you. Communication is a two-way street. Something else is at play here and there is more to it than this letter admits.
LW2-
"some people use the roll more than once on the same bathroom visit."
And how would you know that, did you peek? Perhaps the hosts should install a dispensing machine and charge by the square, kerchunk!
"Also, sometimes the toilet paper is dropped on the floor before being re-propped. Several times I have made remarks regarding how unhealthy this habit may be"
What are you afraid of, a return of Black Plague? Whatever is on the floor cannot be more contaminated than what's being wiped from your boum-boum.
"These people seem to have more upset stomachs than our other friends."
What do you do, keep tabs on a calendar? After counting the squares, you count the sicks days too, as if you were an employer paying for them? My God, lady, but you've got time of your hands. I can think of a few charity organisations who could use your services.
What IS unhealthy is when people don't wash their hands after they've come into contact with their own body waste, and then spread traces of e-coli all over the house. If these people REALLY do have more upset stomachs that normal, then they either have delicate digestive systems, a weak immune system, they don't wash their hands enough, or a combination of the above - NOT because the stupid TP was dropped on the floor or someone used it more than once.
Lady, continue bringing your own toilet paper if you really think that the inside of your purse is more sanitary than a floor clean enough to have been recently mopped, but I don't blame your friends for laughing - I'm laughing too. And yes, you are a germaphobe.
And BTW, if you have nothing more serious than this to fuss about in your life, I can think of a few people who would gladly trade places with you, especially at this time of the year. Oye vey, the stuff that some people concoct to bend themselves out of shape about! And enough to write to an advice columnist about? Hee hee hee.
P.S.: And BTW, what's preventing YOU from putting the stupid roll on the pin yourself? Get e grip - on the toilet paper.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Dec 6, 2011 6:51 AM
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LW1: I'm with everyone who says they're worried. I'd maybe go knock on the door, and if he answered I say something like, "I don't want to come in or bother you, I just got worried because we haven't heard from you. I wanted to make sure you were OK." And then I would leave if he seemed like it was an intrusion. I only say this because he has been ignoring phone calls and other forms of communication. I might also bring along a note and leave it on the doorstep if he doesn't answer the door. And both the conversation and note would say something like, "I am so sorry if I have said or done something to upset you. I want to fix this if it is in any way something that I did, even if I don't know I did it." And then I would wait.
LW2: Some people. I have friends like this. Best to ignore them.
LW3: Um, why not respect the parents wishes? Because they're 25 and don't live with the parents, and the parents have no say? I can appreciate that it makes for a good-will gesture, but without any background on this situation (other than that which came from the mother) I'm not inclined to tell anyone to GIVE such a gesture. My gut tells me that the mom is a morality preacher who needs to mind her own business.
Comment: #19
Posted by: AgLee16
Tue Dec 6, 2011 6:59 AM
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LW2: And just where are you putting your purse when you dig out your TP you have taken with you? On the floor? If you are that worried take some latex gloves with you. Geesh!
Comment: #20
Posted by: Carol
Tue Dec 6, 2011 7:05 AM
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LW2: So where are you setting your purse while you dig out the TP? On the floor? I have read some good ones, but this one had me laughing out loud this morning.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Carol
Tue Dec 6, 2011 7:09 AM
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Re: Carol
Hilarious!!!!! Maybe she needs a purse protector, or to bring little disposable feet for her purse. I bet she also has a little container of those seat protectors in that bag as well.
PS: I read somewhere years ago that purses were the source of many germs as well.
great post and you made me laugh!
Comment: #22
Posted by: nanchan
Tue Dec 6, 2011 7:11 AM
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I don't think I've ever flushed a toilet without closing the lid, if it had one. At my age, I don't remember whether my mother taught me to do this, or if it just occurred to me that I didn't want toilet spray all over.
A friend of mine had a toddler who was scared to death to flush the toilet for fear of falling in and being flushed away. I asked if they close the lid before flushing, and it was like a light bulb went on. The kid was fine with flushing with the lid down.
I'm not anal (pun intended) about this, I just don't understand the reason people flush with the lid up.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Girl Scout Leader
Tue Dec 6, 2011 7:26 AM
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Okay, this is disgusting and I just have to share it: When I first moved into my home (we rent) the handyman accidentally plumbed the downstairs toilet with the HOT water line instead of the cold water line. So every single time we'd flush the toilet, it would fill up with super-hot steamy water. The plus: It made the toilet seat nice and warm. The minus: Whenever anyone would poo, it would create this awful hot, steamy mixture we dubbed "Poo Stew". The steam would condense on the walls, the floor, the sink, and anything else in the room -- and our butt cheeks. The tank itself was so hot it would melt anything sitting on it (deodorant, face cream, nail polish, air freshener...) Not to mention the cost of heating two gallons of water each and every time we'd flush. Truly terrible. So believe me, we learned QUICKLY to put that seat down in a hurry!!! It's fixed now, thank God, but for a while there... yrrrch!!!
Comment: #24
Posted by: Cher
Tue Dec 6, 2011 9:18 AM
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Wow, Cher. That was a real conversation-killer. Thanks so much for sharing!
Carry on, folks. Don't mind me!
Comment: #25
Posted by: Cher
Tue Dec 6, 2011 9:30 AM
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Look, I am a huge germaphobe and I own it. But it is my issue and I deal with it when at someone else's house or out in public. I do not wear shoes in my house, am known to wash my hands twice (when preparing food), I wipe my kitchen counters with bleach several times a week, (and always after bringing in groceries), and carry hand sanitizer everywhere. I cannot speak for others as the LW is doing ,stating that these other folks seem to have more upset stomaches, but what I can say for myself is that since I have been doing all those things, I rarely ever get sick anymore. And, yes, I do close the lid before flushing, and nothing is kept out on the bathroom counter, just for good measure!
Comment: #26
Posted by: shirleyt
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:16 AM
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I am not a germaphob BUT even s imple sneeze can blow your germs all over, much less handlling a much handled roll of TP. And nothing sets me off more than CRAFT ideas supplies being asked for from home---TOILET PAPER ROLLS. Make the cuties binoculars for kids if you tape them together (kids fumle so ALOT OF HANDLING---now your kid has a disgusting eye infection as well. The bacteria and listeria and etc etc etc that the CDC is always putting out recalls on our FOOD SUPPLY can be the simple ass-wipe, whoops on the fingers, wipe on the nearest things--and just how many of you have watched how people DO NOT WASH in a public rest room--THink about in their own homes.
Considering we just finished the gastro bug over the last 8 days here, it went around a couple times. Talk about wash, wash, wash and then use PAPER TOWELS and apply sanitizer afterwards. I worked with patient care in the hospital for 20 years, and dang well cultures were showing bacteria in places you never thought up. Elderly bedridden--check the gross fingernails. Digging and scratching. I have such an issue with long nails on anyone cause you know they are a home for more than I want to contact.
I would never leave a baby's poopy diaper sitting on the table next to your plate, but your hands?????
AND DID YOU KOW--that bathrooms with the BLOWERS For the hand dry DON"T wipe the germs still on your hands after cleaning? Only the paper towel can do that. Stats from CDC. Scary.
The older I get, the more susceptible we become. I have a challenged immune systm by birth but I have never been seculuded from Measles, Mumps, Reubella, Chicken pox, even family members with Polio--the first mass vaccination in the US, and I get my preservative free influenza shots each year, keep up on my DT--can contract things just working in my garden--or around inside my 100 year old house. Some germs we have no control over never die.
AND THEN THERE ARE THOSE WE CAN CONTROL.
OFF THE SOAP BOX---Did you know that not shutting toilet lid before flushing allows the microsprays to go as far the ceiling, depending on the force of the toilet water.
AND WOMEN--our purses set on the floor anyway--then we set them on the counters at home???? Wipe them with bleach wipes, horrible bacterias ride on them too.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:23 AM
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LW1 - while there may be something wrong, it is possible that this son is just one of those people who likes his time alone and doesn't socialize. Maybe his parents put pressure on him, but are unaware of it because they are different personality types. If this is true the unexpected visit with "I'm worried" is guaranteed to make him back away even more.
I am the sort who gets overwhelmed with too much socializing, and I need my alone time to decompress. Some people don't get that and "pursue" me. If I decline an invitation they pepper me with invitations until I'm overwhelmed at all the no's I'm offering up. Another friend sends 50 texts if I respond to 1 - makes me not want to respond ever! Some people think I don't respond quickly enough (we're talking a day) and I get the "I'm worried about you" texts and it annoys me more than anything!
If the son is this sort then perhaps the parents overwhelm him and he comes around as much as he can. I know it can be frustrating to have relationships with this type of person, so he owes them an explanation if he is (and even if he isn't), and offer alternatives so they will back off and stop worrying.
Comment: #28
Posted by: kristen
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:34 AM
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@shirleyt: actually, according to studies, you are more at risk for getting sick etc. Our systems need to be exposed to germs in order to build up a defense against them. All that sanitizing you are doing is making it impossible to build up anti-bodies.
I wash my hands after using the restroom or after handling raw meat. I never use hand sanitizer, and I rarely get sick. I may get the odd cold that lasts a couple days. But as far as having something that takes me down? Maybe once every 3-5 years. And that is even after taking care of and cuddling with children exposed to the supposed swine flu last year. Those studies - they will tell you that I'm far less prone to illness and infection that you are, shirleyt.
Comment: #29
Posted by: kristen
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:40 AM
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@kirsten post #29 - Well, what I am doing works for me and I have no intention of changing. I have a weakened immune system and before I began all that I do now, (about 15 years) it seemed like I was sick 5-6 times a year. Now its about once every 5-6 years. Besides, "studies" can be manipulated to any desired outcome. At my age, I am confident that I have ben exposed to enough germs to build up any defense against them. I am not going to expose myself to any more than is absolutely necessary!
Comment: #30
Posted by: shirleyt
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:52 AM
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Re: shirleyt
I have no problem with you doing what works for you :) But I think it's possible the manipulation of studies (not to mention fear of germs) is what brought about the sanitizying hysteria. Just sayin'
Comment: #31
Posted by: kristen
Tue Dec 6, 2011 10:59 AM
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This whole thread is hilarious.
I don't think I've EVER used the restroom where I only had to touch the TP roll once.
It's even more amusing that people continue to think of the bathroom as the most likely place they will pick up bad germs. Think again. Mythbusters tested various environments for germs in one of their episodes and found that the number of germs on the toilet seat of a public restroom ranked near the bottom of the list. There are more germs on computer keyboards, money, and TV remotes than on toilet seats (there are fewer on light switches and door handles). And the worst? That sponge in the kitchen sink she probably uses to wash the dishes more than once. More crap on it than on all of the others put together.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Paul W
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:29 PM
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@Hedgehog: Great post. I completely breezed past the “he has never admitted” sentence. But that really make sense what you're saying. A typical sentence would probably read “He had never come out as gay..”
From the rest of the letter, it sounds like it's pretty typical that they don't hear from him that often. If they're pushy (such as showing up at his door to “confront” him) or overly nosey (say, making lots of comments, insinuating he's gay), he probably just doesn't like spending time with them. Maybe they need to examine their own behavior and figure out why.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Casey
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:29 PM
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LW1: Definitely call again, tell your son you love him and would like to hear back from him. I assume you will invite him over for the holidays, and tell him he is welcome to bring a friend. I can't imagine why he wouldn't come out to his family if he is gay; you seem very accepting. My cousin came out when he was in his early 20s. It was difficult for him, but everyone in our family accepts him. He is a kind, talented, wonderful person and we love him. But we live on the west coast where this is less likely to be an issue.
Comment: #34
Posted by: PuaHone
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:42 PM
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Re: Paul W
now... that has to be an outright lie. EVERYBODY has a time when one wipe just doesn't do the trick!
Sometimes, there is just too much poop to get in one wipe. that's why you have to be persistent.
My daddy used to say the best thing about a$$holes is that they have to live with the smell. Sometimes, we have to help these people wipe themselves so that we don't have to deal with the smell ourselves.
I think it's all up to all of us to smell ourselves before leaving the restroom to determine who smells, and who has to live with our own, excrement.
Comment: #35
Posted by: nanchan
Tue Dec 6, 2011 12:43 PM
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LW2: Hang the paper roll yourself, carefully unroll one layer and toss it, and there you are--a nice clean roll.
Comment: #36
Posted by: partsmom
Tue Dec 6, 2011 3:18 PM
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LW1 - Leave your son a congenial short message that simply, "Call me and let me know you're alright". Then drop it. Middle kid, two straight brothers (I assume) and for some reason he's never felt part of the team. You're probably not going to fix it.
LW2 - Wow. Just don't wash your anus in the kitchen sink. Okay? That's all I ask.
LW3 - Hi there. Welcome to 2011. The kids can sleep however Grandma lets them sleep in her house.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Rick
Tue Dec 6, 2011 4:13 PM
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Re: Cher
Now you made me laugh, especially the second post. LOL!
@Kristen
I use surgical gloves to handle raw meat. Sure, it makes my hands cleaner (and no contamination under the nails), but I do it because I HATE touching raw meat. Bllp bllp bllp bllp absolutely hate it
@Paul W
Hee hee, I know... You know, I was thinking - anyone who only touches the TP roll only once is likely to not have a very clean boum-boum...
@Rick
Ah, Rick, you always make me laught...
Comment: #38
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Dec 6, 2011 6:10 PM
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I wash my hands after using the bathroom, before and during preparation of food, before eating, often after eating if I got any food on my hands, after cleaning the cats' litterbox...basically about 8-10 times a day, with regular soap (not antibacterial). I have hand sanitizer in case I'm somewhere where getting up to wash my hands isn't convenient (like at the State Fair, getting an ice cream cone or whatever, I don't use it very often but it's nice to have). And I clean my counters before food prep as well. I too only get sick once every few years. I think it does make a big difference, and it's really a small step to just wash your hands a few more times a day, especially if you follow the rule of washing for 20 seconds. It sure beats a cold or the flu, and you don't have to be one of those nutballs who has to constantly sanitize everything like a surgical suite and carry TP in your purse. ;-)
Comment: #39
Posted by: limniade
Tue Dec 6, 2011 9:13 PM
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Apropos of nothing whatsoever, here's a little tidbit of medical history:
The polio virus is transmitted through contact with feces.
A mild infection early in life (the symptoms act like a bad case of flu) grants permanent immunity.
Not so long ago--everyone here has older relatves who can remember this--indoor plumbing was a rarer thing than it is today. There was an outhouse out back, and there was a charming appurtenance called a slop jar, for use at night when nobody particularly wanted to wake up enough to dash outside. In the morning, some lucky person got to carry the family slop jar out to the outhouse.
When the soldiers came home from WWII, the GI Bill enabled them to buy their own homes. These new houses all had indoor plumbing.
A few years later, their kids suffered the worst polio epidemic in history.
You do the math.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Khlovia
Wed Dec 7, 2011 3:33 AM
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LW1: The "child" is 56. If you had been dealing for 56 years with the kind of parents who think it's acceptable to show up at your front door demanding information, you'd be a trifle aloof too.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Khlovia
Wed Dec 7, 2011 3:47 AM
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@limniade
Oh, I carry TP in my purse also, BTW... But it's because I'm on the road all the time and many public bathrooms don't have any... ;-D
@Khlovia
Interesting.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Dec 7, 2011 5:48 AM
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Re: Khlovia
I absolutely agree with your post 41, as I put in my earlier post as well.
Tha guy is an ADULT! It doesn't mean you stop caring as a parent that never stops. But is does mean that you give them space to live their life the way they choose.
Comment: #43
Posted by: nanchan
Wed Dec 7, 2011 8:35 AM
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Regarding the people who don't take the time to actually put the toilet paper in the dispenser/on the roller, do it yourself. Then say nothing. See if anyone else notices. Or, after you are done in the bathroom, accidentally-on-purpose drop or knock the roll into the toilet, then come out and apologise profusely for your "clumsiness" Repeat as needed. This could be fun to watch the reactions.
As far as using a roll that wasn't properly installed, just pull off the first few inches and throw it away.
Comment: #44
Posted by: Rose Queen
Thu Dec 8, 2011 10:00 AM
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Has any of you heard of politely putting it on the roller AND AFTER USING THE "TOILET PAPER" WASH YOUR HANDS!! OH--MERRY CHRISTMAS AND MAY ALL OF LIFE PROBLEMS BE JUST A PUNY!!
Comment: #45
Posted by: REDFOX9
Thu Dec 8, 2011 9:45 PM
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I dunno, I remember the huge uproar and avalanche of mail Ann Landers got back in her day about whether the TP roll should have the paper hanging from over or under... I would seem that, for some reason, the TP (t)issue pushes a lot of buttons.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Dec 9, 2011 6:40 AM
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