What To Say in the Wake of Tragedy Dear Annie: This is in response to "Confused and Hurting," whose 18-year-old son had taken his life. The family felt the community was snubbing them, as well as their sixth grader. When my brother died from AIDS 20 years ago, few people in our small …Read more. The Infidelity of Ongoing Flirty Dirty Talk Dear Annie: I recently found out that my 62-year-old husband has been texting a woman with whom he had an intimate relationship in the past. He has admitted that these texts were flirtatious and filled with "dirty talk." He swears that there was no …Read more. Be the Good Example This Little Boy's Mom Is Not Dear Annie: My younger sister, "Nora," is 43 and acts like an 18-year-old brat. She became pregnant nine years ago by a drug addict who is currently in jail for raping a 14-year-old girl. (He is out of the picture, thank goodness.) I love my nephew, …Read more. Putting the Kibosh on Cranky Clyde Dear Annie: My husband, an only child, never had a great relationship with his father, "Clyde." My mother-in-law died six years ago, and my husband passed away three years later. While things are improving for my daughter and me, we are both having …Read more.more articles
Family Is Rarely a Zero-Sum Game
Dear Annie: My spouse and I are in a 40-year same-sex relationship. Seven years ago, we had a legal marriage, but my family refused to recognize it. My brother's wife went so far as to write letters to the local newspaper urging repeal of the law. My youngest sister said, "We were ordered not to deal with you any longer." Needless to say, I ended all relationships that did not accept my new husband.
Following retirement, my husband and I moved to another state. I recently heard that my mother is in very poor health. Since I was always the one who helped and organized things in my family, I feel the need to assist. But, Annie, I struggled for 30 years to be able to say "I do." Their lack of recognition makes it hard to have anything to do with them until they first apologize to me and, in particular, to my husband.
Should I take the higher road and contact my mother, or hold to the firm ideal that my spouse is more important and I must put him first? — Gay and Proud Son
Dear Proud Son: There is no reason this must be a zero-sum game. You already have put your husband first. It doesn't mean you cannot stay in contact with people you love (and who, presumably, still love you) within limited, controlled boundaries. If visiting Mom with your husband is not possible and visiting without him is not acceptable, you do not have to see her. But please call. You may not get another chance, and you shouldn't have any regrets.
Dear Annie: I've been married to "Ralph" for 30 years. His hearing has gotten worse, and the TV is so loud that I end up with a headache every night. I have told him this, but he says I'm exaggerating. Yet, in the summer when the windows are open, we have had complaints from the neighbors.
Every mention of his hearing ends in a fight.
Even the suggestion of hearing aids sends him into a frenzy of denial. He reads your column. Maybe he'll see himself. — Stressed Out from Loud TV
Dear Stressed: Many people are in denial about their hearing loss. It makes them feel old and unhealthy. But it is a common problem — even rock stars have it — and refusing to address it won't make it go away. You might tell Ralph that the longer he waits to deal with his hearing issues the harder it will be to adjust and the more isolated he will become (and the more irritated you will be). If you would provoke an argument by suggesting he check out the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (asha.org) or the Hearing Loss Association of America (hearingloss.org), leave the information on a piece of paper taped to the TV.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Kansas," who is not interested in sex with his wife because she has gained 100 pounds. My type-A husband also withheld sex from me because of my weight gain.
I told him my weight was the only thing about me that he could not control. When he backed off and accepted me as I was (for better or worse), our marriage was much better, and our sex life improved greatly. I even started losing weight when I felt he loved me for the person I am instead of how I look. — Just Sayin'
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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