Just the Facts, Ma'am: Judgmental Parents Don't Need the Dating Deets Dear Annie: I am 37 and divorced. I identify myself as bisexual and try to live my dating life very privately. The problem is, my parents are quite judgmental and racist. I dare not say anything about my dating partners, who are of either gender and …Read more. Boorish Son-in-Law, or Something More Sinister? Dear Annie: We live five hours from our daughter, "Barbara," her husband, "Seth," and their two kids. We visit them once a year. Seth completely ignores us. The last time we arrived, our daughter and grandchildren hugged us, but Seth sat with his …Read more. Keeping His Distance from Autistic Grandson Dear Annie: My significant other of 20 years is a great guy, and he's been wonderful to me. Here's the problem: "Bob" has an 11-year-old autistic grandson. Every time we have taken "Russell" on vacation with us, it hasn't exactly been relaxing. I am …Read more. Stuck at 40 Extra Pounds Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 30 years. We have four wonderful children, all college graduates with great jobs in their chosen careers. They are also involved in long-term relationships with people we like and respect. So what's …Read more.more articles
A Distant Fifth Wheel
Dear Annie: I live five hours away from my parents and a married younger brother. I work two jobs and can only afford to visit my folks once a month or so.
Lately, when I have driven out to see them, I am the last to discover that the four of them have already made plans. They never think to ask if I want to join them. Sometimes, I end up attending the same concert but sitting in the back, alone, while they have better seats. Or I house-sit while they spend the weekend at a casino.
I have tried phoning weeks ahead to let them know when I am coming, and I've changed my plans if I learn they are already busy that weekend. Yet asking to join them seems to surprise everyone and invariably ends up being quite awkward.
What drove me to tears was when they made plans to go to Mexico for a week this summer, and I found out about it when my father told me offhandedly that the four of them had booked their flight. When I asked why I wasn't invited, he responded by saying that they were given paired tickets, and because I am single, it would have meant one unused ticket. My mother then said I was welcome to come if I paid for my own plane ticket and hotel room.
I always thought I was close to my family, but now I see that I'm being left out because I am not married. I'd like to be with them, but if I am going to be ignored, how do I handle that? — Exiled Fifth Wheel
Dear Exiled: We don't think this is deliberate so much as thoughtless. Your parents and brother make plans together when it is convenient for them and don't consider your presence a factor because you are usually away. You could try explaining how hurt you are when they do this, but don't expect it to change much. Let your parents know when you are planning to visit, and ask whether they have already made plans. If so, don't try to join them.
Dear Annie: My uncle (my mother's brother) and his two sons, both of whom are in their mid-50s, are planning to visit me. Their mom died last year. While I was close to my aunt, I have never communicated much with my uncle or cousins. They didn't even send an email when my dad passed away three years ago.
Now, suddenly, these three men are planning to drive from Vermont to my house in Florida. One says he'll make his famous chili in my kitchen. I told them, "Thanks, but no thanks."
My mother is angry with me for not welcoming this male trio. They will be at my mother's house for several days, and my husband and I have offered to drive there (it's three hours away) and take everyone out for dinner instead. Am I doing the wrong thing? — Florida Daughter
Dear Daughter: No, and your offer to treat them to a meal at Mom's is lovely. Some men are notoriously poor communicators, and the niceties of sending letters or emails escape them. It is obvious that Mom wishes you had a closer relationship and hoped this would provide an opportunity, but welcoming them into your home is entirely your decision.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Confused in Connecticut" hit home with me. I was an overweight child myself, so I feel for her. When I was 24, I decided I didn't want to be overweight anymore, so I joined Weight Watchers. It gave me a healthy program to follow and helped me learn what triggered my eating. It taught me to eat appropriately and keep the weight off. That was 33 years ago, and I have been a lifetime member and leader since. Thank you for letting me help. — Bremen, Ind.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM