If I Don't Need It, You Don't Need It
I hate you and your kids. Yeah. I hate little Mason (is that the boy?). I hate little Madison (is that the girl?).
I don't have kids, and I hate the stuff I have to pay just because your slack-jawed little brats are in the world.
Full-day kindergarten. Elementary and high school. Junior college. State universities. Truant officers. Those signs that say, "SLOW DEAF CHILD." What am I, RAISING your kids? That's my tax money!
If your kids are autistic, I really hate 'em. Just because your wife squeezed out one who can't learn to talk, I gotta pay $76,000 a year for special ed. when we both know damn well the kid's never gonna learn to do anything except rock back and forth, look sullen and bite the teacher. And, when you die, I'll probably be on the hook for the little bastard's "group home," too.
This is the same logic that gives us the possible "vehicle-miles traveled" tax, which would raise money by taxing you based on the miles you drive, instead of making everyone pay a gas tax that goes to build roads all over the country.
And, hey, I stand to benefit from paying taxes by the mile. I'm a newspaper reporter in a small city. I live 1.5 miles from the office. I own a 2001 pickup truck with 67,000 miles on the odometer. Tax me only for the miles I drive, and I'll be slipping out from under a lot of taxes.
But what about the woman who lives in Nebraska and has to drive, say, 40 miles one way to get to her job at the Walmart?
Screw her, right? If she's got an autistic son, she's costing us all a fortune. And what kind of taxes is she paying on her maybe $9 an hour Walmart salary? Hell, that woman and her kid are a dead loss.
Not that I'm blameless.
And you? You in your nice lawn suburb? You have to see your tax money spent trying to get MY homeless off the streets when it's 7 above zero. Your tax money goes to federal law enforcement grants spent in MY city, where you don't even live, just because cities have more crime than suburbs. I'm robbing you! I'm stealing from little Madison and Mason (c'mon, tell me which one is the girl).
That's the problem, isn't it? The things YOU need are necessities. The things the other guy needs are frills.
And, if you really think about it, why should I care if some Arkansas hillbilly pays more in gas taxes because his hill is 35 miles from the nearest grocery store? He oughta smarten up and move to a city, like me.
If everyone would just do things the way you do, everything would be fine. Your teenage son gets arrested with a joint in his pocket, it's "one bad choice." Some other guy's kid gets caught with a doobie, and he's a thug, probably a dealer. Turn the kid loose, and he'll probably kill someone. NO sense in spending money on a state-sponsored drug program for the other guy's kid.
Saying "you shouldn't have to pay taxes for things you don't use" sounds smart until you realize that we all use different things.
You needed loans to get through college. I worked my way through college with some help from my working-class parents. So why did you need a student loan? Whaddaya, lazy? It's government-money-sucking pigs like you who are ruining this country. You wanted to go to college, and everyone else had to pay taxes so you could get a loan. I'll tell you what you are. You're a socialist.
It's always been a hard world, but until the last 20 years, Americans didn't want to make it tougher.
And now we do.
For the other guy.
To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com
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