creators.com opinion web
Conservative Opinion General Opinion
Lenore Skenazy
Lenore Skenazy
30 Jul 2015
An Experiment in Cruelty

The Stanford Prison Experiment is not exactly a date movie. In fact, I'm not sure anyone will enjoy it. I … Read More.

23 Jul 2015
The Right of Kids to Walk to School

Who's that peeking out from behind the blinds as the kids pass by the house? Could it be the kind of creep … Read More.

16 Jul 2015
Looking Back on the Apple Watch

As you fantasize about getting yourself the very coolest, hippest, newest gadget on the block — an … Read More.

It's Normal To Be Crazy

Comment

Did you know that nearly half of Americans suffer from some form of mental illness at some point during their lives? So says the National Institute of Mental Health, adding that many of the problems are mild and temporary.

Tell me about it! Here are just a few of the mild, temporary mental illnesses observed in the course of a day:

Hairanoia: The suspicion that everybody is saying they love your new haircut but secretly laughing at it.

Kinsomnia: The inability to fall asleep once one starts thinking about one's family.

Psyintology: To feel wildly conflicting emotions about Tom Cruise. On the one hand, he's a control freak, a cult member and a nut job. On the other hand, my goodness is he gorgeous. And he was so funny in "Tropic Thunder." All is forgiven, Tom! Or is it? No. Yes! No. Yes!

Seasonings affective disorder: Manifested by the need to — bam! — add more flavor, even if everything is plenty flavorful already.

Hippochondria: The conviction that one's hips look a mile wide in the outfit one stupidly chose to wear today.

Post-traumatic dress disorder: Rage and guilt focused on a bride after she has ordered mauve pouf dresses for her bridesmaids and you are one of them.

Delusions of grandes: Compulsive fantasizing about one's next Starbucks, even while sipping a Frappuccino right now.

Schleptomania: Going from store to store even though you don't really know what you want and are maxed out on your credit cards.

Obsessive-complainer disorder: Manifests itself in singsong statements of fatigue, boredom and the wish to do, eat or be something else. (Also see: "whines," "whining," "whiners" and "children.")

ATMnesia: The inability to remember where you put your bank card moments after you have completed a cash machine transaction.

Bistroller disorder: To experience violent fantasies while being stuck behind someone with a double stroller hogging the whole sidewalk, especially if that someone is on her cell.

Clinical cynical syndrome: To reply to any idea proposed by a thoughtful adult with "Yeah, right" and a snort or with "OK, OK already" and an eye roll.

Technically known as "adolescence."

Mallucination: Often triggered by Cinnabon inhalation. Mallucinators see Abercrombie shops and Yankee Candle Co. stores while staring into space.

Duhlirium: The inability to stop responding with the word "duh" when someone is trying to explain something.

Dementionate: Compulsively nice behavior — the lending of money, sharing of fries, remembering of birthdays — sparking waves of unworthiness on the part of the recipient.

Peeromania: The barely suppressed desire to set fire to one's office mate or cubicle buddy.

Gyromania: The need for a gyro right now, even though you brought a sandwich to work and are trying to save money.

Passive-agassive: The compulsion to make rude noises. (See: "boys.")

Festive-aggressive: To insist on wearing a party dress, even to the sandbox. (See: "girls.")

Iraqnophobia: The inability to turn on the TV or radio for fear of becoming seriously depressed.

Iranophobia: See above.

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM



Comments

0 Comments | Post Comment
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Lenore Skenazy
Jul. `15
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
28 29 30 1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31 1
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month
Authorís Podcast
Marc Dion
Marc DionUpdated 3 Aug 2015
Mark Shields
Mark ShieldsUpdated 1 Aug 2015
Ted Rall
Ted RallUpdated 31 Jul 2015

25 Mar 2007 Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader Who Knows How to Text Message and Rip MP3 Files?

17 Jan 2013 Take Two Doses of Flu Hysteria and Call Me in the Morning

15 Jan 2015 Don't Let This Happen to YOU!