Liberal> Lenore Skenazy> Goofy Advice To Moms

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Goofy Advice to Moms

To be a good parent, we are told, we must stimulate our children as much as possible. Flashcards! Educational toys! Once, I saw an ad for a special tape recorder that would let you know how many words you were speaking to your baby each day (presumably so you could work up to more and more, like an exercise regimen). And now, according to Dr. Mehmet Oz, we should read to our children ... while they are still in the womb.

Here's a quote from his new book, "You: Having a Baby," co-written with Dr. Michael F. Roizen:

"Many moms read aloud to their child even before that first night in the crib. We strongly endorse that practice too — not just for brain development but also to allow your baby to hear your voice and establish an auditory bond at an early age."

Excuse me. This is to establish an auditory bond? Doesn't the baby hear the mom all the time, when she's at work or talking to her husband or just ordering a pizza?

Of course the baby does, says Susan Linn, author of "The Case for Make Believe" and founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. "It makes no sense to me," she says. "I don't know what difference it would make if you were reading to your baby or just talking. It does feel like just one more pressure to me."

Me, too. The pressure to make a perfect baby even before the baby comes out.

Roberta Golinkoff knows all about the kind of pressure. She's co-author of the book "Einstein Never Used Flashcards" (which should win a genius grant for its title alone). "Does the baby need to hear stories in utero?" I asked her.

Well, she said, the fetus CAN hear. Babies come out recognizing their own language over a foreign language because they heard the cadences from about seven months on, while still inside.

"So they pick up on the rhythmic patterns. But they overhear EVERY conversation," she added. So as for the idea of actually having to read to them, she said, "I think it's overkill. I think you don't have to do anything special." And the advice that says you do? "It kind of feeds into the idea that moms are the sculptors of babies' brains. But babies come prepared to learn any language they are dropped into — and multiple languages," she said.

She should know. Golinkoff is a professor in the education department of the University of Delaware, where she studies language development in infants.

So why would Dr. Oz and his writing buddy add an unnecessary chore to a pregnant woman's to-do list? I don't think they're trying to drive women crazy. I think they just got swept up in the idea that the more you make moms do the better.

After all, "What To Expect When You're Expecting" now spends 10 pages on what to do BEFORE sperm even meets egg, including get shots, lose weight, write a will and — of course — "RELAX."

But it is almost impossible for mothers and mothers-to-be to relax in our culture. They are told to create a book-loving, voice-recognizing, Harvard-heading genius even before they put it in the crib they will have to send back to the manufacturer in a month because something will be found defective about it or the padding or the mattress or the bunting.

The effect is to make moms feel as if their babies are projects that they can ace or blow. And if they skip even the silliest suggestion — read to your fetus! — they're blowing it already.

We are pretty darn hard on moms.

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Comments

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I don't think this excessive advice is so innocent as you put it. It may not be done maliciously or even consciously, but I think the ever expanding list of things mothers "should do" for their children is a response to more and more mothers remaining in the workplace after having children. I think society is striking back and silently blaming mothers for the state of affairs today. "If you won't quit your career and change diapers all day, the least you could do is read Chaucer to your zygote". Funny how these things weren't such a concern when mothers with maybe a high school education stayed at home all day raising the youngin' while the "man of the house" went out and earned a living, then came home and expected his wife to have his pipe and slippers ready. But then again, both of my grandmother's were career women, and my mother raised my sister and I mostly by herself, so I probably just have a skewed sense of reality. Thank god there are male celebrity doctors out there to tell women how to raise their children.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Nathan H.
Thu Apr 7, 2011 10:06 AM