Lenore Skenazy from Creators Syndicate

Sometimes Four Legs Are Better Than Two for 02/16/2012

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

We all have heard the horror stories about growing old and only being able to afford dog food. The good news?

Dog food seems to be really improving.

Duck into a chichi pet store (you know you're there if the berets have chin straps) and you will find the kind of food formerly associated with only the fanciest, er, feasts.

One shop I popped into sells cans of wet food made f ...

Updated: Thu Feb 16, 2012

Looking Closely at the Wal-Mart Kidnap Video for 02/09/2012

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

By now, you probably have seen the shocking video of 7-year-old Brittney Baxter fighting off a would-be kidnapper in the toy aisle of the Bremen, Ga., Wal-Mart. What you may not realize is that this is a scene you will be seeing forever — replayed on the news and then reimagined on "Law & Order" (though the show will change the name of the store, or maybe the guy will be kid ...

Updated: Thu Feb 09, 2012

Living in the Sprawl for 02/02/2012

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

My dad had a furniture store called "Suburbia." He opened it back when that name conjured up all that was good and enticing about America: big cars, big lawns, big houses filled with (we certainly hoped) big-ticket furniture.

But now my dad's gone, and so, perhaps, is the suburban dream, replaced by the realization that it's hard to heat a big home and mow a big lawn and, most ...

Updated: Thu Feb 02, 2012

(Extremely Random) Thoughts on the Oscars for 01/26/2012

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

The Oscar nominees have been announced, and if you're like me, you're very excited!

...Because you saw one of them. For me, it was "Tinker, Someone, Someone, Someone" — really hard to tell them apart. Basically, a middle-aged British guy betrays another middle-aged British guy, and some other middle-aged British guys try to figure out who, how and why, while I spent the w ...

Updated: Thu Jan 26, 2012

No Need To Clone Love for 01/19/2012

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Perhaps you read the story this week: A woman who was laid off from her Wall Street job three years ago shelled out $50,000 to have her deceased dog, Trouble, cloned. (Normally, it costs twice that, but because she agreed to be on a TLC show called "I Cloned My Pet," she got a discount.)

Anyway, the rather bubbly lady reported that "Double Trouble," as she dubbed the ...

Updated: Thu Jan 19, 2012

There's a Line at the ATM! (And Other First World Problems) for 01/12/2012

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

"I had to wear my winter coat to the bars. Now I have to hold on to it the whole night!" "I'm staying with relatives, and they don't know their Wi-Fi password!" "Too many clothes, not enough hangers!"

Those may sound like simple gripes, but not once you realize they all fall under the same rubric: "First World problems."

That's the new Inter ...

Updated: Thu Jan 12, 2012

What the Well-Dressed Religious Fanatic Will Be Wearing for 01/05/2012

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Why does religious fundamentalism always seem to wear a potato sack — or at least insist its women dress that way?

I ask because of the latest outbreak of fundamentalist fury, this one in a Jewish town in Israel called Beit Shemesh. A few weeks ago, a video went viral of a girl, age 8, now terrified of walking to school because the ultra-Orthodox men in her town spit, scream and sw ...

Updated: Thu Jan 05, 2012

The Most Social of Media for 12/29/2011

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

At this point, the later holiday cards are trickling in, and this could go on for some weeks (or even months, if other families are anything like ours). The key is to remember that whenever they arrive, they are magic.

Oh, sure, there are some on which the whole family — dog included — looks as if they were tasered. And some on which one of the kids looks as if he thinks the ...

Updated: Thu Dec 29, 2011

Hark, the Carols of 2011! for 12/21/2011

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

It's time to start singing (because the alternative is drinking). Enjoy!

"Romney the Once Front-Runner" (to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

Romney, the once front-runner
Had a very well-coifed mane
And if you ever saw it
You would run and vote for Cain.
All of the other hopefuls
Used to call him "Worse ...

Updated: Wed Dec 21, 2011

Quit Jazzing Up the Christmas Carols for 12/15/2011

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

Could we please stop pimping the carols?

Carols are just fine the way they were written — and particularly fine the way Nat King Cole sang them.

They have, often enough, words that fall on the notes. They have recognizable tunes, usually beautiful. They do not need to swing, sway or swagger any more than they have done these past few decades or, in some cases, centuries, bec ...

Updated: Thu Dec 15, 2011

Have a Holly, Corporate-Sponsored, Adult-Supervised Christmas for 12/08/2011

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

The reason we love the classic Christmas specials so much isn't just that we watched them as kids. It's also that the kids in them ARE kids. They do stuff. They make stuff. They go outside and chop themselves a tree or deliver medicine for the pharmacist or even lick a flagpole, instead of sitting in the back seat watching "SpongeBob SquarePants" as Mom drives them to basketball pract ...

Updated: Thu Dec 08, 2011

The Perfect Gift Is Boring (And That's Good!) for 12/01/2011

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

It's baby's first Christmas, but what to buy? How about the Vinci — described on its website as "a new category of touch screen-based early learning systems"? In other words: an iPad for the diaper crowd.

Basically, Vinci is an Android tablet with a hard-to-break screen and four easy-to-grip plastic handles. Cost? Just $479, which, Susan Linn points out, "is a small ...

Updated: Thu Dec 01, 2011

Party Regrets for 11/23/2011

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

The party season is now upon us, and with it comes a heaping helping of food, fun, friends and fury. Fury at the guests who assure you, "Can't wait!" but then, apparently, they can. In fact, they can wait till hell is decorated with cute little pine cone place cards JUST LIKE THE ONES YOU MADE FOR YOUR FRIENDS but that now they won't see, because they canceled at the last minute.

...

Updated: Wed Nov 23, 2011

Stiletto Economics for 11/17/2011

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

Was it a hooker convention?

No, I know for a fact it wasn't, because I had been invited, too. It was simply a suburban bat mitzvah — a coming-of-age party for a sweet eighth-grade girl and her hooker friends. Er ... her fashionable 13-year-old friends in their 5-inch high heels. (And 5-inch skirts. But that's another story.)

Apparently not content to simply tower over 13-yea ...

Updated: Thu Nov 17, 2011

A Toast to the Cup-holder for 11/11/2011

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

My cup runneth over, says the Bible, expressing the joy of having more than enough. But these days, if you really want your cup to runneth above and beyond, what you needeth is more cup-holders.

Yes, as it turns out, cup-holders are the holy grail of American happiness. (What, you thought it was a healthy relationship and low BMI? Pfft!) While 36 percent of American moms care about the ...

Updated: Fri Nov 11, 2011

Thanks for Nothing, Amtrak for 11/03/2011

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Were you planning to have your tween take the train to your ex's this Christmas? Too bad. Amtrak has just raised its unaccompanied minor age from 8 to 13.

That's right. Five years of a child's development are now officially being ignored. It's like lopping teens off at the knees and saying now they're too small to go on the ride. As of Nov. 1, any traveler younger than 13 must be accompa ...

Updated: Thu Nov 03, 2011

Halloween Help for the Hapless for 10/27/2011

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Still not sure what you want to be for Halloween? Here are some timely ideas for grown-ups:

—The deficit. This is the perfect costume if you packed on some extra pounds this past year ... like, a few hundred. If you still weigh what you did in 2010, then it's the perfect costume to wear with a few friends. Drape yourselves under one big sheet like a lumpy ghost, and go around to ki ...

Updated: Thu Oct 27, 2011

Remote Chance of Figuring Out My Fancy TV for 10/20/2011

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Often when my teenage sons are watching TV, I sit down and join them. Not because we're bonding. Not because I love football and "Glee." Simply because I enjoy TV — and that's the only way I get to watch it. You see, I have no idea how to turn on my television.

I'd be embarrassed to admit this (OK, I AM embarrassed to admit this), but I know I am not alone. Like the found ...

Updated: Thu Oct 20, 2011

Goodbye, Mr. Chip for 10/13/2011

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

All too recently, a great American inventor who single-handedly transformed pop culture with his unique ability to make us want what we didn't even KNOW we wanted died.

And so did Steve Jobs.

A week or so before the Apple visionary's demise came the death of Arch West. He was 97. Even if you don't know his name, you know his chip, and it wasn't made of silicon. West invented the D ...

Updated: Thu Oct 13, 2011

TV Is Going to the Dogs for 10/06/2011

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Woof woof grrrrrrrr arf. (Bark?)

By which I mean: "We are about to enter a totally new era of entertainment. (And mind if I sniff your zipper?)" I wrote it in doggy language because that's the big new thing. Nestle has just started airing its first commercial created FOR dogs (if not by them), complete with squeaks and sounds that the human ear can't hear.

Or, at least, ...

Updated: Thu Oct 06, 2011