As soon as the priest heard about proposed plans for a domestic partner registry in Cleveland, he called City Councilman Joe Cimperman.
"You are disloyal to your faith," the priest told Cimperman, who is a lifelong Catholic and chief sponsor of the registry. "This is the wrong thing to do."
My immediate response would have been to ask the priest a few questions:
Does he really think discouraging any version of committed love between two adults should be a priority in these desperate times of lost jobs and foreclosed homes?
Has he noticed that northeastern Ohio is a region in economic crisis?
Wouldn't his time be better spent helping to slow the exodus of yet more members of his depleting flock and stemming the fear of those who remain?
Cimperman's response was more measured. He didn't agree with the priest, and he gently made it clear just why.
"I was raised by a mom who believed that our faith was always more about human rights than religious conscription," Cimperman told him. "So this is completely consistent with my Catholic faith."
It's also the decent thing to do in a city that has failed time and again to honor the significant contributions of an entire population of citizens who long to make legal commitments to those they love.
Ohio tried to vote homosexual love out of existence in 2004 by passing Issue 1, which outlawed gay marriage and broke many hearts. Even after that, many gays and lesbians chose to stay. This registry is an act of gratitude, however meager, to let them know that a lot of us are glad they did.
Contrary to some conservatives' claims, gays and lesbians have no interest in undermining heterosexual marriage — mine or anyone else's. All they want is the same chance at committed love that we heterosexuals get every day, regardless of whether we deserve it or how many times we've screwed it up in the past.
In America, if you love someone with different plumbing from yours, you get to try again.
And again. And again.
If you're gay or lesbian, in most states, you can't marry even once, nor can you form a civil union, no matter how much you love the other person.
This domestic registry, which has yet to be passed by City Council, would be a first step to change that.
"We've been promising the (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community something for years," Cimperman said. "Domestic registry is always seen as a precursor to partner benefits."
Granted, this falls far short of what the gay community deserves. The registry would be nonbinding, which means no employer would be forced to extend benefits to unwed couples and no hospital would have to allow visits with a partner.
And couples would have to fork over a fee to be registered, which, in these tight financial times, sure doesn't sound like much of a bargain. Pay 75 bucks, and hope someone will care.
It's a start, Cimperman insists. And not just for gay and lesbian couples.
"Ohio got rid of common-law marriage in the early '90s," Cimperman said. "This protects people who don't want to get married but are in a committed relationship."
That would include the many elderly couples who love each other and live together but don't want to marry because of potential financial penalties. They worry about the marriage tax and losing pension or military benefits. Many seniors also fear getting socked with their partners' medical bills from catastrophic illnesses.
"This would give them some protection," Cimperman said. "At least hospitals could look up their names and see that they are a couple." In the most desperate of moments, that could mean the difference between dying alone and dying with your loved one at your side.
When Cimperman explained all this to the priest, the priest backed down.
"It kind of took the wind out of his sails," Cimperman said.
Slowly, the tide begins to rise.
Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House: "Life Happens" and "... and His Lovely Wife." To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.
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4 Comments | Post Comment
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I have been in a committed Lesbian relationship for 25 years. I have had to pay for legal papers for medical power of attorney and legal power of attorney. $75 is, in today's economy,a lot of money, and it won't make any difference in our love for each other. But it will let me, my partner, and the rest of the G/L community know that at least, at last, there is hope that we will be seen as "real" people. Thank you Councilman J. Cimperman! What starts in Cleveland may just spread to the rest of the state.
Comment: #1
Posted by: CJ
Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:15 AM
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I do not see why it is so difficult for two people who are in love and care about each other and happen to both be the same sex not to be allowed to be married. Name one person who decided to be born white, or to be born female or to be born male. We all arrived, born to two parents, or adopted by parents. We did not select our sex, nor did we decide to be white, black or yellow. It just happened. Every human, who has not commited a crime should have the same rights as anyone else. For those who oppose it, let me know who "died" and made the decision to decide not to grant the couple those rights. There would be less crime, less illness, as a result of the couple being together instead of each one going out trying to make love to a different person each time . I say,"if you do not believe in same sex marriage, by all means, don't do it, and at the same time, don't feel that it is up to you to determine that same sex relationships are not allowable.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Susan Savino
Sun Nov 23, 2008 3:44 PM
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Ma'am;... I am happy to read your article, because among the conservatives there is just too much justification for hate... And this society has in some way got to fit all...Not one of those fringe republicans is prevented from joining with others in an anthem of enmity...But to do the business of this country we have to do the business we all need done, which is not getting done because half the country is obstructing on ideological grounds....Stop...Isn't it time to stop, and put the basic services of the country on life supports while we all sit down and work this out???Look at what a small compromise over the freedom of the black population made us one country???Maybe we need the same sort of compromise on homosexuals, which sells out their equality, and buys us about ten minutes of peace after which we will realize that we have sold out all our equality at the same moment... The fact is, that if the radical right is so easily willing to abandon unity for an old testament ideology that they do not believe, because no one believes it, then we cannot count on them, and they should have their own space... We are all sinners, and there are only two kinds of sinners, and one kind thinks they aren't... And there is the danger; that Christians living in their personal fantasy with their personal God of hate will nuke us to cure us of being just like them. Perhaps if the Christians are given a choice of allowing freedom, or of being denied freedom, they will allow their own freedom with every other... The game for them should be simple: to follow their laws, and die and go to heaven... When it becomes about having the political power to enforce their laws, then that power is their goal, and we have already had that in spades... It was a mistake for this country to allow religious freedom as a right when it is a privilage...You can have your religion just like your homosexuality -so long as it does no harm....Every one should practice their religion to their own perfection, since trying to perfect the world has killed too many people .. Let us work for an end to hate and discrimination.. ...Thanks...Sweeney
Comment: #3
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sun Nov 23, 2008 8:28 PM
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Re: Susan Savino;...Marriage is an old form, and I am certain that there was room for homosexual marriages at one tiime or another... The forms change, but none to quickly, and monogomy, to take one example, has more to do with protecting property rights for a certain issue of a certain couple, than it has to do with love, or religion...That certainty is something we all like in our forms... We don't want to trouble with forming a government, and not have it last beyond the next sun... Homosexuality as a form is just like heterosexuality as a form because each is a form of relationship based upon a shared sexuality... I don't mean to be critical, and I do not want to deny equality to homosexuals... I would just suggest that no rational argument can be expected to do much good, and because I am not a homosexual, I cannot argue for that, or even justify it exactly... Rather, just as all these forms are forms of relationship; If we recognize what forms do, why we have forms, that they make certain what is uncertain, as for example, when those in forms defend rights for others in the same form... So, I step beyond the sexuality, since you cannot be expected to defend my rights, nor I to defend yours...Except in the form of relationship called the United States, and there the question most certainly is: can there be a less than equal citizen, a second class citizen, who pays the same for all rights, but does not have rights in equal measure...We are not all in the same form of relationship, but we are in many forms of relationship, and we should all share the forms of relationship of this Nation, and of humanity.... I do not mean to bore you with a theory of forms, but they are not apart from us or our lives, and to progress we need to change our forms... If the forms of this government and society do not allow equality they need to change... It is easier to replace what cannot be changed, and yet, people will hang onto old forms like a crab looking for a bigger shell hangs onto the old, until, when it is time to move, they move...Sexual preference is just one thing... There are a lot of reason the old forms need changing, but in this I have to wonder if the Homosexuals are not hanging onto old forms too securely when, if change is needed, change will have to be complete.... Thanks...Sweeney
Comment: #4
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:03 PM
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