"A November Walk"FADE IN: EXT. WHITE HOUSE SOUTH LAWN — DUSK THE PRESIDENT walks with his faithful, shaggy Portuguese water dog, BO, as the evening light settles on Washington. Both seem a bit unnerved, perhaps worried that their magic is slipping. THE PRESIDENT: Look, Bo, it's not all fun and games for me. On top of everything else — the wars, the girls, Biden, McChrystal, that crook Karzai — I'm catching serious heat for not having enough women out on the links with me. People are starting to think I'm runnin' some kind of men's club down here. Can't a guy get a little me time? BO the White House dog: You know you've played more rounds already than Bush did in his entire presidency? THE PRESIDENT: Yeah, and he's still got a stroke on my handicap. I can't believe it. I gotta get to the range more. BO: Hey, listen, Chief, I've been thinking, with all the trouble you're getting into with your extracurriculars, maybe we oughta turn the basketball court into a dog… THE PRESIDENT: I've been thinking about asking Kathleen Sebelius to play next week. (BO huffs) BO: You hear her say that she actually made her college basketball team? THE PRESIDENT: Now that was a cheap shot. My Occidental Tigers were a force back in the day… BO: Didn't you play JV? (THE PRESIDENT shrugs a bit, then nods.) BO: She'd take you to the rack, Chief. THE PRESIDENT: Hey, let's hold on a second. Aren't you supposed to be my only friend in this town? Did you miss that in the society pages, shaggy? I could use a little support here… BO: All right, all right. (He clears his throat.) You could totally take her. THE PRESIDENT: Honestly? (BO sways his head from side to side, then looks up at the president.) BO: You can't go right. THE PRESIDENT: I'll send you back to Hyannis Port.
BO: No offense, Chief, but you really Clinton'd that one. THE PRESIDENT: Listen, there's something to be said for waiting so long that decisions get made for you. Sometimes that's how decisive leadership works. Punt at every opportunity. I'm sure that was someone's motto besides the Redskins.... BO: Is that the plan for Afghanistan? (THE PRESIDENT sways his head from side to side, then nods.) THE PRESIDENT: Can you believe Cheney comin' at me about dithering? My god. He's even more of a jackass than Kanye. BO: Well, to be honest? THE PRESIDENT: Of course. I want honesty out of all my, err, advisers. BO: You won't send me to Massachusetts? It's getting cold up there… Nor'easters and sleet and all kinds of nasty stuff. (THE PRESIDENT sways his head from side to side, then nods.) BO: Then yes, I can believe it. You'd be insane to expect anything else. THE PRESIDENT: Fair enough. BO: And he might have a point. THE PRESIDENT: I'll call Marine One right now, you traitorous coward… BO: Listen, you've got all the information you're gonna get. I hate to tell you, this runoff won't be any prettier than the last election… maybe you oughta call up Kissinger. THE PRESIDENT: Yeah, maybe I'll call him tomorrow. I've got a one-on-one game with Reggie Love in the morning, though. BO: I'd cancel it, Chief. (THE PRESIDENT sways his head from side to side, then nods.) Brian Till, one of the nation's youngest syndicated columnists, is a research fellow for the New America Foundation, a think tank in Washington. He can be contacted at till@newamerica.net. To find out more about the author and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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