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Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
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McCain Holds Auditions for Angry Mob

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Open Casting Call for Irate White People

With just three weeks to go until Election Day, the McCain campaign has launched a nationwide talent search to find angry audience members for their increasingly hate-filled rallies, McCain aides confirmed today.

"People assume that when we hold a rally, angry white people just magically appear, but that's not the case," said McCain aide Hardin Carley. "The fact is, a lot of planning goes into this."

In order to stock their rallies with the requisite number of irate white voters, the McCain camp has reached out to Hollywood, retaining the services of casting agent Tracy Klugian, who found the angry crowds for the 2000 film "Gladiator."

"They were really clear about my assignment," said Mr.

Klugian. "They were like, 'We want the same kind of crowds you had for "Gladiator," only more bloodthirsty.'"

Toby DeBreaux, a self-described angry white man from Dayton, Ohio, was one of a thousand hopefuls who showed up at Mr. Klugian's open casting call in New York City over the weekend.

With full-throated outbursts like "Liar!," "Terrorist!" and "Kill him!," Mr. DeBreaux seemed to impress the Hollywood talent scout.

"He really seemed crazy-angry," said Mr. Klugian. "It was like watching Cindy McCain off her meds."

Elsewhere, in a sign that the world financial crisis may be deepening, leaders of the G7 nations asked President Bush for cab fare back to the airport. COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE


Comments

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Sir; ...Even if the Big O Bama express rolls into Washington DEECEE as schedualed; the republicans still need cover for non cooperation. Sure, the hatred and bile and poison pumped out in this election may not be shared with the actual politicians. I wish it were. They can afford to be placid, and respectful. The amity of government is turned into the enmity of the population. Wouldn't it be better for them to fight it out there, rather than all that slow dancing with the honorable so and so from who cares??? It is government which should resolve our differences instead of playing upon them, lighting them on fire so they can roast the weenies of their choice on the coals....The fires lit in this election will burn for a long time. The politicians will point to those fires and stoke them up -to cover doing as they please. It does not serve the process at all. Candidates should run on their virtues, and not on the vices of the opposition... But; haven't we seen this before??? I mean, who could love the Clintons; but what good could they do when they so early pushed away their majority for a responsible government??? Clearly government does not require a balanced budget... To stand on a point the republicans were willing to wash away with the whole country is crazy. But the Clintons failed because the republicans made them a target of poison and hate and baseless charges... So it begins again, that while the people are having their say, the defeated will act to make government impossible to guide.... I like it. As a revolutionary this is the most perfect situation imaginable. But I would not bankrupt my government and throw fuel on the flames of hate. Some clowns with life vests always think it is fun to rock the boat.... I don't.. If government should be reformed it does not mean violence is necessary. But those who sow division and enmity for personal gain should be viewed as criminals. It is better that they be defeated than the whole of the people...Thanks...Sweeney
Comment: #1
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sat Oct 18, 2008 8:30 AM
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