BP Replaces Tony Hayward with Startled DeerLONDON (The Borowitz Report) — Carrying through on its pledge to install fresh leadership at the top of the company, BP today replaced embattled CEO Tony Hayward with a startled deer. Bucky, the red deer selected to take the helm at BP, is believed to be the first woodland creature ever to run a multinational corporation. In his first appearance before reporters in London, however, the antlered executive garnered mixed reviews for what some observers said was an unsteady performance. Appearing frightened by the TV lights, Bucky kicked over the podium and then pranced down the hall before being subdued by a tranquilizer dart. "Clearly he's a little rough around the edges," said BP board chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg. "But he still did better than Tony."__ Elsewhere, Apple unveiled a new iPhone app that translates Fox News into news. Snooki: I Don't Know Who Obama Is Either JERSEY SHORE (The Borowitz Report) — One day after President Obama revealed that he had no idea who Snooki was, the cast member of "Jersey Shore" said that the lack of awareness was mutual. "I've heard of Barack Obama, but I don't know who that is," she said.
Snooki was wobbly on a host of other current events questions, misidentifying CNN's "The Situation Room" as "the place where The Situation does his crunches." Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS SYNDICATE
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