All U.S. Workplaces To Be Fitted with Inflatable SlidesWASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Effective immediately, all workplaces in the United States will be fitted with inflatable slides to enable disgruntled employees to quit as dramatically as possible. According to a new study commissioned by the U.S. Department of Labor, workers are less likely to suffer from stress and "go off" at the workplace if they know that leaving their job is just one inflatable slide away. Starting on Monday, inflatable slides will be installed in such diverse workplaces as Home Depot, Starbucks and the White House, said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis. "If post offices had inflatable slides, think of the lives we could have saved," she said. How I Got Teabaggers To Watch PBS The Borowitz Report — When you see a tea party protest on TV, your first thought probably isn't, "I'll bet these people watch a lot of PBS." But apparently they do, because now that I'm on PBS, they've complained to the network brass that I'm wrecking their favorite channel. What did I do to incur their wrath? I suggested that Sarah Palin talks funny. Now, I didn't think this was a daring accusation.
Now that PBS knows that millions of teabaggers watch PBS, I hope they'll adjust their programming accordingly. Maybe it's time for Ken Burns to do a 14-hour miniseries on Glenn Beck. Or "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Better Not Be in Arizona." And as for my segment on Palin, I suggest that PBS run it on a loop during pledge week. It may make teabaggers angry, but it sure makes them watch. And it's better than showing that Peter, Paul and Mary concert again. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS SYNDICATE
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