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Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
19 Mar 2011
Afraid To Watch the News, Millions Turn to Fox

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12 Mar 2011
Etch A Sketch 2 Takes Gadget World by Storm

LONG BEACH, CA (The Borowitz Report) — A new combatant entered the so-called tablet war today, and it's … Read More.

5 Mar 2011
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All U.S. Workplaces To Be Fitted with Inflatable Slides

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Effective immediately, all workplaces in the United States will be fitted with inflatable slides to enable disgruntled employees to quit as dramatically as possible.

According to a new study commissioned by the U.S. Department of Labor, workers are less likely to suffer from stress and "go off" at the workplace if they know that leaving their job is just one inflatable slide away.

Starting on Monday, inflatable slides will be installed in such diverse workplaces as Home Depot, Starbucks and the White House, said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis. "If post offices had inflatable slides, think of the lives we could have saved," she said.

How I Got Teabaggers To Watch PBS

The Borowitz Report — When you see a tea party protest on TV, your first thought probably isn't, "I'll bet these people watch a lot of PBS."

But apparently they do, because now that I'm on PBS, they've complained to the network brass that I'm wrecking their favorite channel.

What did I do to incur their wrath? I suggested that Sarah Palin talks funny.

Now, I didn't think this was a daring accusation.

But my "Next Week's News" segment on Palin's inventive use of the English language has touched off the biggest controversy on PBS since that dude tried to sell a Chia Pet on "Antiques Roadshow."

Now that PBS knows that millions of teabaggers watch PBS, I hope they'll adjust their programming accordingly. Maybe it's time for Ken Burns to do a 14-hour miniseries on Glenn Beck. Or "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Better Not Be in Arizona."

And as for my segment on Palin, I suggest that PBS run it on a loop during pledge week. It may make teabaggers angry, but it sure makes them watch. And it's better than showing that Peter, Paul and Mary concert again.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS SYNDICATE


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