Token of Gratitude by William Moyers on Creators.com

Recently

Memorializing Days The unofficial start of summer is an official holiday to remember all Americans who have died in wartime service for our country. That's easy for me to do, because I cry every time I watch the opening scenes of "Saving Private Ryan." I'm …Read more. Enough Already Rarely do I go back to back on the same topic. But I'm awash in readers' responses to a daughter's plea about her alcoholic mother, so here we go. Last week, Cathy W. from Milwaukee asked, "When is enough enough?" Her family wants to do …Read more. Into Action Right now, there are too many people in crisis for me to fill this space with the musing of my own head. It's time for action. Dear Mr. Moyers: You talk all the time about alcoholics or people who use drugs. But what about the rest of us, the family?…Read more. Lives of Faith This is a short story about faith and recovery — recovery not from addiction but from tragedy — a story involving people I knew of but never had met, even though we had shared a horrific moment, a sudden jolt of electricity that forever …Read more.

Token of Gratitude

For his 17th birthday, I gave my eldest son, Henry, a gift certificate to fill up the truck with gasoline a couple of times. He drives an old Chevy Tahoe, so the card won't take him very far. But with some cash he got from his grandparents and his job mowing a neighbor's lawn, he's got a reserve to keep him rolling along for a couple of months.

What I hope he'll get more mileage out of is my other small present to him, a metal token with the Roman numeral XVII stamped on one side and the serenity prayer on the other. It's the kind of medallion that typically is given to alcoholics and addicts to mark their journeys in recovery, and the tokens include numbers as short as 24 hours and as long as multiple decades.

Henry isn't an alcoholic. In fact, he says he never has taken a drink or used a drug, and I believe him. But a few days before his birthday, I realized that by my 17th birthday, in 1976, I had started to experiment with marijuana and beer, sparking a chain reaction to full-blown addiction, which I did not overcome until I was 35 years old. I've been clean and sober since 1994. Henry's been the same since 1992, when he was born.

So I gave him the medallion to recognize my appreciation that he has stayed away, at least so far, from those substances. The medallion was in a hand-carved wooden box with this note to him:

"Dear Henry: When I was your age, I already had started the slow slide into trouble caused by my decision to experiment with alcohol and other drugs. On your 17th birthday, this medallion honors the admirable choice you have made to live these years up to now without them.

I hope and pray you'll add more tokens to this special keepsake box in the years ahead. I am so proud of you. Love, Dad."

On the Sunday after his birthday, Henry, his brother, Thomas (who, at 15, also has been clean as long as I have), and I watched the Minnesota Vikings battle the Pittsburgh Steelers on television. During those three hours of football, there were about a dozen commercials pitching various brands of beer. Those ads were mostly funny, cleverly done and engaging, even to the three of us. So I am no fool. From Madison Avenue advertising to Web sites for online pharmacies selling Viagra and Vicodin, access is easy and temptation is ubiquitous, especially for teenagers, mine included.

All I can do is lead by example. I stay sober in front of my kids by sharing with them what it was like for me at their age, what happened and why I must continue to take care of myself all these years later. I encourage them to learn from their father and remind them that if they choose to use mood- and mind-altering substances, they may not be able to choose the outcome. But I also emphasize that if they develop a problem, it is OK to ask me for help.

In the meantime, I'll keep giving them medallions. Whether just for today or for longer, they need to know that I value their efforts to make the right choices in their journeys through these tricky teenage years and beyond.

William Moyers is the vice president of foundation relations for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs, and "A New Day, A New Life." Please send your questions to William Moyers at wmoyers@hazelden.org. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment

Dear Mr. Moyers:

I have been a fan of your good works for sometime now. Learning as much as I can, anywhere I can about the disease of addiction. My son (despite all of the teaching and good role modeling) made a similar journey to yours when he was 17. He is now 28 and currently has two and a half years clean and sober. His path along the road to sobriety was filled with road detours and potholes that seemed to get in his way repeatedly.

Everyday I wake up with him in the forefront of my prayers, that today he will again make the choice for sobriety. I know the disease of addiction is insidious, cunning, and baffling.

As you know, a loved one's addiction is a life changing experience for everyone – mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, and those additional loved ones who come along the way. The battle still rages out there and some still view the disease of addiction as a disease of moral turpitude. Yet you and I, and hundreds of thousands of others know differently. Addiction is a horrible disease of the mind, body, and soul

I want to echo the message “parents are the anti-drug.” We must lead by example. As parents we must seize every teachable moment from the time they are tiny babes to young adults, that says choosing to say no to mood and mind-altering substances is the right choice no matter what their peers are doing. Kids are never too young to hear the message. As parents, we must be vigilant, because the outside world is cunning, seductive, and knocking at our kid's door everyday. It's a shame our world chooses to make those things that will hurt kids look so appealing and acceptable. But it does.

I know parenting is the toughest thing that most of us will ever do in our lives. Ultimately, the choices our kids make are their choices. The consequences of their actions are their consequences. However, as parents we have two very valuable tools, the power of love and the ability to teach at the optimum teachable moments, over and over and over again.

Mr. Moyers thank you! You are setting the example and providing the world with teachable moments. What you do reaches, teaches, and touches the lives of many. Keep up the good work.

With heartfelt thanks.

Stephanie Weiss

Comment: #1
Posted by: Stephanie Weiss
Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:58 AM