School Rules by William Moyers on Creators.com

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School Rules

A few years ago, I discovered it's easier to enforce the rules for the school year by getting my kids to help me make them.

So after another golden summer of fun in the sun, late-night sleepovers and very few grinding day-to-day responsibilities, the kids and I sat down over dinner the day before school started, and I asked for their help.

"What do you think I should expect from you and what do you expect from me to make this a successful school year?" I asked, certain that as the "We the People" framers of the Moyers Constitution, Thomas, Henry and Nancy were primed to invoke their freedom of speech in whatever democratic document we drafted over burgers and fries. (I neglected to tell them that although each of us had one vote, my veto would, if necessary, trump their bloc.)

On their own, here's what they came up with:

—No computer or video games from Monday to Thursday.

—No TV or YouTube or other computer-delivered programming before dinner, and afterward only if homework is done, laundry is folded, dirty plates are in the dishwasher and rooms are picked up. "Use your best judgment," I added. "You will know before I have to tell you whether electronics are in the way of what should be done first."

—Cell phones off by about 10 p.m. "Even under the covers, it's hard to hide the telltale glow from your hand-held artificial moons," I reminded them from past experiences.

—Check the whiteboard in the kitchen every afternoon for daily reminders of who is supposed to take out the garbage or shovel snow or bring in the mail or gather up the bottles and newspapers for recycling, and never ignore any text messages or e-mails from me, because whatever I am sending is probably about something I forgot to record on the board in the morning rush out the door.

—Dress appropriately for school, wearing a collared shirt, sweater or clean and decent sweatshirt at least two days a week.

(This is not Nancy's issue; she's probably the best-dressed eighth-grader at school.)

As their father, I had a retort on a couple of the specifics. I ended up giving a little on the dress code and heard them out about the exact deadline to power down the cell phones. But there were no arguments or ill words because I let them start and end the conversation, and in between, the back-and-forth was theirs to resolve. And they did, while I sat back and thought that if only my kids were leading the Middle East negotiations, the Palestinians would have a state and Israel would be secure and safe.

What wasn't discussed at dinner gave me the greatest satisfaction: the use of alcohol or other drugs.

A long time ago, Nancy, Thomas and Henry learned from their father and their mother what happens when teenagers smoke or drink or take drugs. We told them our own stories. We made clear that they are genetically at risk if they choose to use. And they know that if they do make that choice, they may not be able to choose the outcome. But they know, too, that it is OK to ask for help. They now know those key messages so well that no rule is necessary.

Maybe it is true that rules are made to be broken. Certainly nobody's perfect, not even in the eyes of a parent like me. I don't doubt for a moment, though, that unwritten rules forged from a parent's personal experience and honestly and openly communicated to a child might just be more effective than any formal manifesto of do's and don'ts.

William Moyers is the vice president of foundation relations for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs, and "A New Day, A New Life." Please send your questions to William Moyers at wmoyers@hazelden.org. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.