Beyond Addiction

Based on the paucity of responses, I wonder sometimes whether anyone reads the words in this space. And then there are those weeks when it seems everybody does, especially when most of them disagree with my point of view.

Such is the fallout from my column a few weeks ago about a groundbreaking poll of teenagers and their parents and how they talk to one another about their use of alcohol and other drugs. The poll's bottom line: Teenagers look to their parents as the No. 1 source for advice, and parents (and grandparents) must honestly and openly share with their kids their own experiences with those substances when they were growing up.

Not everyone agrees.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I just think it is wrong and even dangerous for parents to talk about these things with their children. Kids hear what kids want to hear, and if it comes out of the mouths of their mothers or fathers, then kids think it must be OK. It's this attitude: "Well, if Mom and Dad did it, then I can do it, too." And that's exactly what got this generation into the mess we're in, with Internet porn, wanton promiscuity, drug abuse, dangerous music (rock 'n' roll is nothing compared with what's in their ears today) and an insatiable appetite for more, more, more of this and more, more, more of that. The last thing kids need is for their parents to tell them about their pasts. Leave it alone, I say. For the record, even if I'm old-fashioned, I'm only 55. — Ruthie N., Lynchburg, Va.

The survey, "Four Generations Overcoming Addiction," was commissioned by Hazelden, where I work. Some readers see a conspiracy lurking.

Dear Mr. Moyers: It's no accident or coincidence that a survey that encourages people to talk about drugs with their kids was done by your organization. To the contrary: You are a treatment center. Duh! By getting parents to "share," you simply are fostering a situation that makes more drug addicts for you to treat. You might as well have them light the joint, take a drag and pass it on to their kids.

"Just say no" is what I say to you. — Ross B., Reading, Pa.

Talking about drug use is rife with potential misinterpretation and a lot of emotion, both for parents and their children, so I can understand why Ross, Ruthie and others like them are suspicious. But I still believe honesty without glorification is much more effective than dishonesty or silence. Remember that according to the survey, about half of teens say it would make them less likely to use drugs if their parents told them about their own drug use when they were younger. And the two-thirds of teens who say their parents already have told them about their experiences with alcohol and other drugs when they were younger almost unanimously say such honesty is a good thing.

A good thing — and necessary, too — because even when parents share honestly, it often isn't enough to prevent a teenager from taking that risk. It is what happens afterward that can be equally important.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Years ago, I told my boy exactly what recovery meant to me. Before I got clean, I was an addict. I tried dope. I got hooked and spent years in the street or homeless shelters or jail. I finally got help and found recovery, and I've been straight for going on 20 years now. My son never saw me stoned. But you know what happened; he tried dope and got hooked. He wandered those same streets with the same problems, the same pain as his old man. Finally, he came home, and you know what? He cried when he asked me for help. I cried just as hard to get him help. He saw I could do it; he wanted it, too. He's straight and making his way back to life, just like his old man! I don't know whether telling him about my history made him try dope. But he's trying hard to stay sober because he knows I did. That's what I passed on to my boy, and I'm proud of it. Don't know any other way but the real way. — Carleigh S., Chicago

Enough said.

William Moyers is the vice president of foundation relations for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs, and "A New Day, A New Life." Please send your questions to William Moyers at wmoyers@hazelden.org. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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