Q. My son is graduating from middle school, and it hasn't been a good experience overall. He is slated to attend an alternative high school here in the state of Washington. It's a STEM school (science, technology, engineering, math) and is considered rigorous and college preparatory. The small size of the school is appealing. I feel that we have failed to find the right environment for him, and we're trying to get that right before he finishes high school!
Based on your book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades and What You Can Do About It," I would characterize him as a bright "dominant nonconformist underachiever." He tested into the gifted program and takes honors classes, but he has never enjoyed school and does the bare minimum. He is resisting the alternative high school that he applied to, and his father and I feel strongly that it is the best environment for him compared to the traditional school in which he seems to get lost, behind and bullied. Do you have any thoughts? Thank you for your time.
A. STEM schools are usually extremely challenging, and since your son was accepted into such a school, he has undoubtedly been tested and is very capable. Whether he performs well at the school will likely depend on whether the teachers and peers engage him sufficiently in the learning process to ignite his motivation. It's risky to send a child to a high school he specifically doesn't wish to attend. Nevertheless, I've seen opposition melted away by teachers who excite kids about learning, so I'm hoping this new school will be effective and exciting for your son.
It does help that you and your husband are united in your wish for your son to attend the STEM high school, but of course there's no guarantee.
If your son doesn't really love science, math or technology, you may have made the wrong choice. He could decide to underachieve even more dramatically so that he is asked to leave the school. It's such a privilege to be accepted into a STEM school; the atmosphere may excite him toward learning.
Perhaps the fairest approach is for you to urge your son to give his new school a chance. If after attempting the rarefied atmosphere of a STEM school, he truly finds he doesn't like the scientific direction, I would suggest you find a less specialized school for you son, or at least find a school that specializes in his particular interests. I hope my book has been helpful in guiding you toward understanding the reasons for your son's underachievement in middle school, so that you make some modifications for him at home as well as at school.
For a free newsletter about the book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades, and What You Can Do About It" (Great Potential Press, 2009), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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