Q: How do you praise a child who doesn't like to be praised and downplays everything?

A: When children don't like to be praised, it may be because parents overpraise. Of course, I can't say for sure that's your child's problem, but overpraise with "est" words such as best or smartest may sound unrealistic to children or may make them feel as if too much is expected of them. If you use more moderate praise such as, "That's a good picture you're drawing" and even more specifically, "I like the way you colored the sun with both red and yellow because it sometimes looks that way," children are more likely to say "Thanks" and believe you.

Also, sincere "process" praise words are very effective. When you say to your child that she's a good worker and perseveres, that encourages her to persevere. If you tell her she's a careful worker, she's likely to work more carefully.

When kids get dressed up for a party, some kids will love hearing that they look absolutely beautiful (exaggerated praise that's flattering and fun), but some more self-conscious kids will enjoy something humorous like, "You clean up really well" with an appropriate smile of appreciation.

Try more casual and moderate praise, and notice how your child responds to that. I think you'll find it very effective and easier for your child to accept. Always remember that your praise words set expectations for your children, and they're more likely to appreciate praise that they believe they can accomplish. As they mature and if they truly develop extreme talent in an area, they'll be more comfortable with the higher praise they've earned because they'll believe they're capable enough to continue to deliver excellent performances.

For a free newsletter about The Pressures Bright Children Feel and/or You're the Greatest—When Praise Can Cause Problems, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below.

Q: My son's a freshman and a classic underachiever. He's also "twice exceptional," gifted with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He rarely, over the years, has had homework, but that changed when he entered high school. The problem is he mostly refuses to do it.

I went online to check his assignments and grades today. Disaster! I admit I'd love a "quick fix," but I know it's a process. Might you recommend your top one, two or three strategies for getting him motivated to get things rolling? Thank you for any pearls of wisdom you may impart.

A: You would certainly benefit by getting an evaluation by a psychologist who has experience with twice exceptional kids, but here are a few suggestions for you:

1) Reading my book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It" may give you a better understanding as to why your son refuses to do his homework. It will also give you some strategies to start with in addition to my other suggestions.

2) When you help your son plan his schedule for next year, be sure you include a daily study hall. He's more likely to complete his homework at school than at home.

3) If he's thinking about a particular career, take him to visit a college he might really like to attend that has a good program in that career field. Afterwards, find out the GPA he'll need to have to be accepted into that college so he knows what he has to do to follow his dreams.

4) Be sure that he remains active in extracurricular activities and don't take them away as punishments. The active kids are better students and inactive kids are at high risk for alcohol, drugs, etc. If he surrounds himself with good students, he's more likely to do homework.

5) A smart, girlfriend with excellent grades as a study partner can also be very motivating to a high school boy.

For free newsletters about ADHD and/or "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.