Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q. My 10-year-old nephew has ADHD. He takes medication for it and his parents are usually vigilant about his behavior, but there is something my brother-in-law and I don't agree on.

While staying at their house one weekend, the boy struck me in the crotch several times with his toy sword, and it was hard enough not to be fun (if you catch my drift). He also took his suction-cup dart gun and shot it at my face a few times. I've seen those things cause eye damage when kids take off the suction cups and shoot them in people's faces.

During a heated argument, I told his father he shouldn't be giving his kid a toy weapon to play with, particularly when he has ADHD and is hyperactive. My brother-in-law completely disagreed, but I think you'd have to be crazy to give those things to a kid who is hyperactive and frequently hits people with things. He almost attacked me with a rake while doing yard work.

Do you think it's appropriate to give toy weapons to kids with ADHD?

A. Given the examples of aggressive behavior you shared with me about your nephew's behavior, the easy and obvious answer is "no, he shouldn't be playing with weapons." Actually, parents should be cautious about violent toys with all children. So ADHD or not, I'd rather see kids play with toys and games that aren't violence oriented, and I prefer that high-energy kids funnel their energy and aggression toward sports.

A nice feature of sports is that it includes rules of good sportsmanship that are universal. Sports teach kids about competition, cooperation, perseverance, friendship and goal setting.

Furthermore, there are so many varieties of sports activities to choose from — even children with just a little talent can find a niche for themselves.

Violent video games and TV programs are also worrisome. I don't think it's crucial or even possible for kids to avoid all on-screen violence, but minimizing exposure to violence should surely prevent some aggressive behavior among children. There is plenty of research evidence that shows TV violence is as predictive of aggressive behavior as cigarette smoking is of lung cancer. I don't need to say more than that.

Now having said all that, I'm still not sure of how you can convince parents who "are vigilant about (their son's) behavior" that weapons aren't appropriate toys for their son. Most important, however, is that you don't discuss this difference of opinion within their son's hearing. Or dad will be likely to feel he must save face and won't add these new rules to help guide his son for fear it will appear he lost an argument to you. No doubt his son will advance the arguments he's heard his dad give to you.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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