Family has Heated Arguments about Toy Weapons by Dr. Sylvia Rimm on Creators.com

Recently

Helping Over-Empowered High-School Students Is Not Easy Q: My question is related to my role as a high-school teacher. I have my master's in special education with a concentration on students with emotional disabilities. I've taught for the last 15 years as either a special education or English teacher, …Read more. When Should a Child be IQ Tested? and Death Is Frightening to Children Q: At what point should IQ testing be conducted? We have an only child — a girl who is in kindergarten. A: There's no specific time that all children should be given individual IQ tests by a psychologist. Schools often arrange for group IQ …Read more. Grandson May be More Difficult During Grandma's Visit Q: I'm concerned about my 2-year-old grandson who seems very needy and demanding. He cries for at least an hour after his mom leaves. Occasionally, distraction works but not often. He says, "It's mine" over and over about everything in his …Read more. The Paradox of Late Reading and Student Must Make Careful Investment Q: I have a 7-year-old son who is not reading yet. He has five older brothers in gifted programs, and he's up to par with them when they were age 7, other than reading. Do I wait until he reads well to have him tested? A: Although very bright …Read more.

Family has Heated Arguments about Toy Weapons

Q. My 10-year-old nephew has ADHD. He takes medication for it and his parents are usually vigilant about his behavior, but there is something my brother-in-law and I don't agree on.

While staying at their house one weekend, the boy struck me in the crotch several times with his toy sword, and it was hard enough not to be fun (if you catch my drift). He also took his suction-cup dart gun and shot it at my face a few times. I've seen those things cause eye damage when kids take off the suction cups and shoot them in people's faces.

During a heated argument, I told his father he shouldn't be giving his kid a toy weapon to play with, particularly when he has ADHD and is hyperactive. My brother-in-law completely disagreed, but I think you'd have to be crazy to give those things to a kid who is hyperactive and frequently hits people with things. He almost attacked me with a rake while doing yard work.

Do you think it's appropriate to give toy weapons to kids with ADHD?

A. Given the examples of aggressive behavior you shared with me about your nephew's behavior, the easy and obvious answer is "no, he shouldn't be playing with weapons." Actually, parents should be cautious about violent toys with all children. So ADHD or not, I'd rather see kids play with toys and games that aren't violence oriented, and I prefer that high-energy kids funnel their energy and aggression toward sports.

A nice feature of sports is that it includes rules of good sportsmanship that are universal. Sports teach kids about competition, cooperation, perseverance, friendship and goal setting.

Furthermore, there are so many varieties of sports activities to choose from — even children with just a little talent can find a niche for themselves.

Violent video games and TV programs are also worrisome. I don't think it's crucial or even possible for kids to avoid all on-screen violence, but minimizing exposure to violence should surely prevent some aggressive behavior among children. There is plenty of research evidence that shows TV violence is as predictive of aggressive behavior as cigarette smoking is of lung cancer. I don't need to say more than that.

Now having said all that, I'm still not sure of how you can convince parents who "are vigilant about (their son's) behavior" that weapons aren't appropriate toys for their son. Most important, however, is that you don't discuss this difference of opinion within their son's hearing. Or dad will be likely to feel he must save face and won't add these new rules to help guide his son for fear it will appear he lost an argument to you. No doubt his son will advance the arguments he's heard his dad give to you.

For free newsletters about violence in video games, bullying, or the book "Growing Up Too Fast," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment

My concern about the hyperactive child who is on ADHD medication is not that he plays with violent toys--in the 40s and 50s we used sticks for swords and our fingers for guns--it's that he is aggressive toward people and actually hurt his uncle, not once, but three times. That's what his parents should be concerned with. What else would they be concerned about other than either uncaring actions or acting without thinking things through? No matter what the cause, no child should be permitted to hurt people and if they do, the tool they used should be put away where it cannot be reached. Kids who are medication for ADHD or any other condition need to have therapy to go along with it. That's where they will learn why they have to take medication (that it's not because they are bad or stupid) and work through how to handle their behavior and learn ways to stop it when it starts to get out of control. I taught kids with ADHD and learning disabilities and can tell you these half measures, only medication, don't empower the child to begin to gain control over his life. And, none of them went around striking other kids with toy swords or shooting untipped plastic arrows at people's faces.

Comment: #1
Posted by: BB
Sun Oct 4, 2009 2:05 PM