Q: We have three children and my husband and I both work (we're teachers). After school, I find that we spend evenings running our children around to their extracurricular activities. This leaves me exhausted with little family time together (family dinners, talks, games, etc.). When evening arrives, I'm so tired that my positive parenting skills are drained from me. Should we eliminate those extra activities?
A: All educational research supports the importance of extracurricular activities for children to build self-confidence and to stay out of trouble. It's really true that teens and tweens who are busy with extracurricular activities are less likely to be involved in alcohol, other drugs and promiscuous sex. On the other hand, good family relationships also have a similar positive impact on adolescents. Ideally, families should be able to manage both participation for their children and family time. It's challenging to find the appropriate balance of activities, but that is the goal.
For families who find themselves on overload, I usually suggest doing an inventory of their schedules every three months or so. It's too easy to keep adding activities without dropping others. Choices must be made, and kids should be included in making those choices. If you can't manage family time together for at least two or three nights a week, you're probably on overload and should determine what can be dropped. While overload is understandable for short periods of time, as before the drama play or band concert, no one manages constant overload well.
So in short, it's a family balancing act that requires constant surveillance. You want to keep kids busy doing wholesome activities, but not so busy that you can't laugh, play and relax at least a little.
In my research for the book "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale, 2005), I found that kids who weren't involved in extracurricular activities spent too much time in front of television and computer screens, and those are not the primary family activities that are best for children.
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Q: My grandson is 7 years old and has Tourette's syndrome. The doctors have prescribed clonidine. Now the teacher said he might have attention problems. I want to know if he needs to see a psychologist and what kind of medicine you think he needs to control both the ticks and his attention problem. He's not a bad student; his mind just wanders. If you have some advice, I would love to hear from you.
A: Your grandson would benefit by seeing a psychologist because his teacher has observed problems in the classroom. All children have some attention problems at times. The psychologist will help the parents determine if your grandson only needs behavioral help or if he should also have medication. Because he is already on medication for Tourette's, the doctor who prescribed the medication will advise his parents if there are interactions between medications.
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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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