Q. Our 13-year-old gifted son (IQ 146) has been coasting along in a very noncompetitive school environment that doesn't believe in honors classes because it makes kids "arrogant." He typically makes low 90s percentage grades (sometimes high 80s), though usually significantly higher in science. He's independent and organized with his homework but feels no need to try to make high A's. Our son is also very gifted musically but isn't too bothered if his recital pieces have a few mistakes. He reads profusely at home: science, nonfiction and fiction. He's always been noncompetitive in sports but enjoys team sports at school like cross country, tennis and swimming. He doesn't usually strive to improve his speed or times, but enjoys participating. On one recent occasion, for example, his team won the tennis match, but he couldn't tell the coach what the score was!
We are transferring him to a very competitive and excellent academic high school that we are hoping will fuel his love for science, and will prevent him from "just coasting" along the next four years. His current school has been poor in terms of high expectations.
My question is: If he's placed in honors classes, do you predict he'll flounder and fail or rise to the occasion? He has no conceptual difficulties in math or science, but usually makes numerous careless mistakes. His science teacher gives him harder tests than the rest of the class, yet sometimes he doesn't quite complete his homework. He definitely has some ADD traits, but has never been diagnosed.
Harping doesn't work. I've started just asking him if he is happy with his grades. Sometimes he says he's not, but sometimes he is!
Any advice is so much appreciated.
A. While it's possible that your son has learned to ignore competition because his school hasn't emphasized it, it's also possible that your son may feel competition strongly despite not responding competitively.
Some highly competitive students underachieve precisely because they feel like losers in competition and thus give up and aren't motivated. Motivation trumps all else and if the school provides interesting and engaging curriculum, it may entice your son to work harder and take more pride in his performance. On the other hand, it's possible that your expectations for your son are too competitive, since both his grades and his attitude seem very reasonable for a bright young man.
Most children have some attention problems sometimes, but we don't diagnose them as Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder Inattentive Type (ADHD) unless their problems are extreme and interfere with performing to their potential. If you think your son truly has attention problems, I'd suggest you go to a psychologist for an evaluation before your son enters high school. A school that has high expectations can provide a serious challenge for an inattentive child. At least you would be prepared should his attention problems begin to prevent his success.
For free newsletters about ADHD, competition, or the book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades, and What You Can Do About It," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094. Read Dr. Rimm's Parenting Articles and submit family questions online at www.sylviarimm.com. All questions are answered.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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