Q: My 13-month-old son cries all the time because he wants to be carried around. I've tried letting him cry in his crib, but I am not sure what else to do. His father or I can't even go to the restroom without him throwing a fit. I'm a stay-at-home mom and am looking for work since the economy is so bad, but I can't walk out the door without him screaming right behind me.
And his dad can't leave for work without him throwing a fit. Once his dad's gone for a few minutes, he's fine, but then he starts up again with the crying and being right behind me everywhere I go. If you have any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
A: Since it appears that your son discontinues crying as soon as he's carried around, we can assume his tears don't indicate a medical condition, but he has to gradually be weaned from being completely dependent on being carried around. He is at an age where children do require a lot of attention and supervision, so you can't expect him to keep himself busy for long periods of time.
Think of yourself as a day care teacher who needs to set a flexible schedule for your son. Because he is so young and has limited attention, his activities will need to be varied every 10 or 15 minutes. For example, he may keep himself happy in a jumper chair for 10 minutes, and then you could put a toy out on the floor for him. When he's bored with that, you could take him for a walk in the stroller. Then it might be time for a snack in the highchair followed by your reading him a story from a picture book.
A 13-month-old child can't be in a room alone unless you've childproofed it or he is in a crib or playpen.
His curiosity will certainly get him into trouble and also can be dangerous. Gradually, he'll learn to play with a toy for longer times without crying to be picked up. You observed that once his dad's out of sight, he's happy for a while, so you know he can learn, a little at a time, to keep himself busy. By about 18 months, you'll undoubtedly find that he can keep himself busier a little longer, and by age 2, he'll be likely to establish much more independence. Babies take considerable effort and patience in those early years, so be sure you get a nap in when he's resting.
If your son cries continually, even when he's picked up, the cause is more likely to be a medical problem. Be sure to tell your family physician about any behaviors you observe so that he or she can determine if your son has a more serious condition.
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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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