Boy Could Have Vision Problem, and Most Children Should Know About Siblings by Dr. Sylvia Rimm on Creators.com

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Boy Could Have Vision Problem, and Most Children Should Know About Siblings

Q: My son is 11 years old, but he lacks focus in his reading and math. I believe he knows everything, but he doesn't focus on his work. He reads words wrong, and if he wants to copy, he copies other than what is written. I'm so lost. I tried everything, but now I need a professional opinion. Please help me.

A. While your son's problem could have many causes, you might want to first check his vision. Although he's undoubtedly had vision screenings in school over the years, his misreading materials might be caused by more complicated eye problems that could be missed by a screening. If the optometrist or ophthalmologist rule out a vision problem, your next step would be to contact a school or clinical psychologist who could determine if the problem is related to attention, learning disabilities or some other underlying issue. It would be important to get help now while he's still in middle school. If he gets too far behind, it will be much harder for him to catch up in high school.

If his problem only began since he's been in middle school, and not earlier in childhood, in addition to checking the vision issue, he could be underachieving due to peer or social issues. The psychologist could help him with that problem as well.

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Q: My oldest daughter from a previous marriage is 10 years old. She didn't know about her half brother until this year. Her mother asked me not to mention my son to her until the right time. I don't hide anything from my daughter. Any questions that she asks, I answer truthfully. When she asked whose voice she heard on the phone, I told her that it was her younger brother.

She was very excited and said that she has always wanted a little brother.

My daughter and I were inseparable. She slept with her mother and me. I always took my daughter to the park. I love her very much. When is it a good time to tell your only child that she now has a little brother?

A: While it's sometimes better not to tell children "everything," it's common to tell children when they are about to have a new half sibling. It's a little unfair for me to answer your question without knowing your ex-wife's perspective on the issue or the history of your divorce or custody, but I expect that if she were pregnant, she would not keep that information from her daughter. Children who don't hear about a sibling until later in life typically feel cheated and believe their parents haven't been honest with them.

Your ex-wife may be worried that your daughter will prefer to spend more time at your home where she can play with the new baby. Actually, most older siblings have some mixed feelings about a new baby. They may love the fun of the baby and even the new chores attached to care, but they often miss getting total attention. Either way, your daughter deserves to know that both her parents still love her and that she doesn't have to make a choice between which parent to love.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.