For a change, let's replace the March essay with one reader's provocative responses to queries recently posed in "Single File." The responses are so thoughtful — and helpful — they inspire this columnist to share them with you. My hope is, of course, that you will be moved to answer the queries in your own way, from your own experiences. Whether you pass them on to me is entirely your choice. Naturally, I hope you do, but the thrust of the questioning is to jolt your thinking into high gear about some important issues that should be resolved before relationship-time comes along. Agree? Here we go.

Q: I enjoy being single (more/less) than I did a year ago because...

A: I enjoy it less. I have a boyfriend now, and I'm happier with him than I was flying solo, but then again, I flew solo for a while and, even now, I retain my penchant for alone time and privacy.

Q: Which would I rather be, lover or beloved?

A: Beloved, because I already know my own potential to love, and I'd like someone to reciprocate that much love.

Q: If I knew for sure I'd be single for the rest of my life, I'd...

A: I'd live it. I mean, it's all good.

Q: When I tell people I'm not married, I feel...

A: I feel resigned, and they must feel confused. I'm pretty domestic, and it tends to surprise people I'm not putting those interests to use beyond myself.

Q: The most important reason to marry is...

A: It's to provide children with the most stable and committed home possible. It's also important to provide that for you and your partner, assuming you both agree that marriage is akin to stability and commitment and you both prioritize such things.

TRUE OR FALSE:

Q: Self-reliance keeps people away.

A: True. It keeps dysfunctional people away.

Q: People are either born independent or not. Nothing can be done about it.

A: False. People can learn to be independent. But I do wonder whether some people are capable of learning to like independence.

Q: My family is embarrassed that I am not married.

A: My family members are — for their sakes, not mine — concerned that I'm not married.

Q: Men do not like independent women. An interesting, full life leads to lifelong singleness.

A: False. Only insecure men don't like independent women, because with them, they can't feel macho and rescue their damsels in distress. An interesting, full life attracts interesting, full people.

Q: All women should marry and have children.

A: False. I'm a teacher and confronted daily by the reality that a good many people reproduce who aren't capable, knowledgeable, willing or determined enough to do right by children.

Q: Being unmarried means being alone and lonely.

A: False. Being uncomfortable with being alone means being alone and lonely.

Q: Men don't want the same things from a relationship as women do.

A: True, if perhaps an overgeneralization. Men and women have different needs and expectations — or perhaps they have the same needs but with different expectations as to the ways and means of satisfying and meeting them.

Q: Any partner is better than none at all.

A: False. I am not happy with the wrong type of person.

Look for another set of queries in this spot soon.

Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com.