Single File from Creators Syndicate

Later Love for 05/25/2012

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: My mom was in her late 50s when she found love again after divorcing my dad. She used an online dating site to find it — but this was before the site you mentioned existed. It seems a fine match, and they have been married for eight years and still are going strong. They had a short courtship before getting engaged, and the engagement lasted about seven months. She told me, &q ...

Updated: Fri May 25, 2012

A Perfect 10 for 05/23/2012

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I had to laugh at the letter from a man describing himself as a "Richard Gere" looking for a woman who is a professional, intelligent and a perfect 10. The problem might just be in his math! I've noticed that men rate themselves about 3 points higher than a woman would, especially when it comes to looks. This means that "Mr. Gere" is potentially only a 6 or 7 him ...

Updated: Wed May 23, 2012

Choose Happiness for 05/18/2012

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: This positive advice is for a fellow blogger, who seems to be having a hard time: It takes work to escape the comfort zone that keeps you making the same mistakes. (It's easier if you have the help of a good therapist, but people have done it on their own with determination and focus.) One trick is to think three positive things about your life every time you tell yourself something ...

Updated: Fri May 18, 2012

The Uninvited for 05/16/2012

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Your column on being left out of a couple's world has made me respond to an advice columnist for the first time in my life. The problem is much bigger than you seem to realize. When I was part of a couple, we did a lot of socializing. I still have the same friends now but am not invited when they go to dinner, shows, etc. (I've been a "single" for 20 years, after a 20-year ...

Updated: Wed May 16, 2012

Friends and Lovers for 05/11/2012

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: To me, a lover-turned-friend relationship proves that the love between the two of you is so deep that it doesn't end when the sexual side doesn't work out. Keeping those relationships in your life lessens the pain if a romance sours, teaching you to be more accepting of your lover's flaws. I believe this can work if the two people involved are mature and respectful — and truly ...

Updated: Fri May 11, 2012

Monogamy and Funnels for 05/09/2012

Wed, 09 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: It seems that one's chances of finding a monogamous relationship are far greater when one dates multiple people and has sex with them, has "friends with benefits" and has non-monogamous relationships; somehow that will funnel down into one monogamous relationship. I guess I've been asleep for the past decade or so. I didn't think it was proper to hit on someone who was cur ...

Updated: Wed May 09, 2012

Slow Build for 05/04/2012

Fri, 04 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I've been reading your column with great interest since my 25-year marriage ended in divorce. (I was resigned to very low odds of finding a partner at age 50, because my friends and I believed men my age want younger women.) So I made my life full and interesting with work, my adult children, good friends, occasional dating and some group activities. And just when I was feeling sati ...

Updated: Fri May 04, 2012

Epilogue for 05/02/2012

Wed, 02 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

It's that time again, that lovely season of change and rebirth. It's in that spirit that I offer you the words of my son, Scott, the amazing next generation of my gene pool. You are about to digest his words as he wrote them, unchanged and unedited, when he offered to pen the closing pages of my book. I claim no credit for any part of this epilogue; it's all his. I do, however, take great pride ...

Updated: Wed May 02, 2012

Single Moms for 04/27/2012

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: If someone is looking for a father for her kids, as a woman who wrote to you recently is, that probably means she has sons. But at least she cares about finding someone who will be good to them. When my mother was single, the last thing in the world she cared about was finding (another) father for us. (She had kicked out the man who was our genetic father.) What she wanted after tha ...

Updated: Fri Apr 27, 2012

Meaningful for 04/25/2012

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: "Sex without mutual caring — on the third or 30th date — reduces what could be spiritual communion to rutting" — your words — are fine words. Mutual caring is an absolutely essential ingredient in meaningful sex. An excellent point. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: ...But hardly one that needs praise. It seems only ...

Updated: Wed Apr 25, 2012

Wanted or Needed? for 04/20/2012

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Why does a man have to be needed? Why can't it be enough for him to be wanted? I'm a fairly independent gal, and I'm sorry if this offends, but I don't need a man in my life. Yet I have one. Why? Because I want him. I love him because he's great to talk to and we share a lot of interests. He has a great attitude about life. Aside from loneliness, my life wouldn't be much different i ...

Updated: Fri Apr 20, 2012

Individuality for 04/18/2012

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I usually skim through articles but just finished reading every word of your latest column on embracing one's individuality, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. It really hit home. Thank you. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Anytime I can serve up my take on individuality is a good time for me because I get to laud its merits. The thi ...

Updated: Wed Apr 18, 2012

Solo Activity for 04/13/2012

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I enjoyed reading your Sexual Bill of Rights, particularly your ideas about pleasuring ourselves. Even as a married man, I find it important every now and then, and I find that each time I do, I enjoy it more. But I'd also like to comment on whether men are wired for monogamy. Having been married for 20 years, I have found myself questioning this matter for quite some time. I do cou ...

Updated: Fri Apr 13, 2012

Bad Habit for 04/11/2012

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I have a bad habit of getting sexually involved with men on the first date. What is a good way to stop doing this? It's frustrating to ruin what could be a good friendship by running with my hormones, yet I can't seem to quit doing just that. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Frustration has prodded you to ask me for a solution to the "bad habit ...

Updated: Wed Apr 11, 2012

Ex-Lovers as Friends for 04/06/2012

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I believe staying friends with a former lover requires both people believing such a thing is possible, in the abstract. They must want it to be true that former lovers can keep the good feelings they share; they must also believe there was no betrayal in their past relationship. That's all difficult enough to achieve, but add two wild cards in the form of new partners for each perso ...

Updated: Fri Apr 06, 2012

Never Better Than Late for 04/04/2012

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Yes, indeed. It's wordplay. But before groaning at the pun, hear me out. Inspiration came from a recent newspaper article describing online dating for the over-50 generation and one woman's promise to herself: "This time, I'm going to marry a friend." Here she was, divorced in her middle years, thinking about the next time she comes close to love — and she has learned from the u ...

Updated: Wed Apr 04, 2012

Loving Versus Liking for 03/30/2012

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I have experiences converting romantic love to friendship and also keeping relationships that are intimate but sexless. I can't even begin to explain how much those relationships have added to my life. A lover-turned- friend relationship proves that the love between the two of you is so deep that it doesn't end when the sexual side doesn't work out. Keeping those relationships in yo ...

Updated: Fri Mar 30, 2012

Wrestling Monogamy for 03/28/2012

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I've been married for 20 years, but whenever the issue of monogamy appears in your column, I'm especially interested in reading the letter and your response. Honestly, I've been known to wrestle with monogamy forever, as I've always believed it isn't something that comes naturally. Not that I haven't valued fidelity and what it means within a committed relationship, but quite honest ...

Updated: Wed Mar 28, 2012

Guarantees for 03/23/2012

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: It seems to me that a recent "Single File" blogger has not truly accepted that she may be single all her life. There's no guarantee that she'll ever find a man whom she wants to marry or that if she does, he will want to marry her. (Even if she moves to Alaska, joins the military or works on an oil rig. Nobody gets that guarantee.) She could stop the anxiety attacks/fainti ...

Updated: Fri Mar 23, 2012

Women and Parasites for 03/21/2012

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: This is for the man who complains that women want men in order to live the good life without working: Excuse me. I'm sure you're speaking about some of us, but there are lots of other lives out there. I happen to be slim, so I can't quarrel with your comment that normal weight is a good thing. But I didn't marry my husband for his ability to support me! I went to college, studied a ...

Updated: Wed Mar 21, 2012