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RELEASE: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2014 Dear Ann Landers: I never have cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2014 Dear Ann Landers: My sister is a dwarf and has been confined to a wheelchair for the past nine years. Since I was a small child, I have hated the ignorance with which she is treated. Even when she was able to walk, people would stare at her, step …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2014 Dear Ann Landers: My son's father has taken a permanent leave of absence from our lives. "Arthur" and I divorced when my son was 6. He is now 11. After the divorce, Arthur was supposed to have custody of our son every weekend. The court order said …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2014 Dear Ann Landers: I am a 30-year-old married woman who is having a full-blown affair. I never thought this would happen to me. Before "Bob" and I were married last year, we were compatible and had similar interests. I was not in love with him, but …Read more.
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Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have a wonderful marriage and two terrific children. The problem I am writing about involves my husband's brother. He is gay.

"Rick" is a great person and a devoted uncle to our children. Until now, we haven't had a problem with Rick or his live-in companion, "Dennis." Our children think of Dennis as their uncle's friend. The two of them have been together for 20 years. Everything was fine until Rick and Dennis decided to get "married" and asked our 9-year-old daughter to be the flower girl at their wedding.

I am raising my children to believe that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I do not want my daughter to participate in Rick's wedding. My husband feels the same way. In fact, he doesn't even want to go. So far, the only comment my daughter has made is "I am too old to be a flower girl."

I am not prejudiced against gay people, Ann, but I do not condone that lifestyle, either. Please tell me what to do. — Dilemma in the Dairy State

Dear Dilemma: Gay couples who wish to have a ceremony to celebrate their union should not be asking a 9-year-old to participate. It would be too confusing. A service for those in the inner circle would be OK, but please, no children. Tell your brother-in-law that your daughter will not be participating. (P.S. I agree with her that a 9-year-old is a bit beyond the "flower girl" range.)

Dear Ann Landers: My husband is a wonderful man, 56 years old and highly intelligent.

He had an ingrown toenail that was red and swollen and looked infected.

I suggested he soak it in hot water and try to cut as much of the nail as he could.

Well, Ann, I caught him soaking his toe in my good crockpot. I went ballistic. He insisted that a little hot water and soap would clean the pot up just fine and I had no reason to fly off the handle. I threw the contaminated pot in the garbage. The next morning, I discovered he had put the pot back in the cupboard. I took it with me to the office and threw it out there.

Was I wrong, Ann, or am I married to a man with the brain of a flea? — Grossed Out in Stockton, Calif.

Dear Stockton: Sorry, dear, but you threw out a perfectly good piece of crockery that would have been OK after a thorough scouring.

It could be that after seeing your husband's infected foot in the pot, you could not bring yourself to cook in it, but actually, the problem was more in your head than in the pot. Should your husband get another ingrown toenail, ask him to use an aluminum pail instead of a cooking utensil.

And while we're on the subject of toenails, they should be cut straight across. Sorry if I ruined some breakfasts out there, but this information is something you need to know, folks.

Forget to save some of your favorite Ann Landers columns? "Nuggets and Doozies" is the answer. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at




5 Comments | Post Comment
Where to begin?
(a) Yes, Dilemma, you ARE prejudiced against gay people. You think their relationships and commitments are inferior to straight people's. You have a right to be bigoted if you want to, but for cryin' out loud, cop to it instead of trying to claim you aren't.

(b) What's "confusing" about this? Two people are getting married. Children don't have big fat preconceptions about the One Correct Way to do that, the way their elders do. The girl sounds less "confused" than her parents.

(c) Whaddaya mean, "but please, no children"? What, gay people can't have children at their weddings? It's a wedding, it's not a freakin' orgy! It's for uniting two families! Families have children! Sheesh.

(d) Nobody's asking you to "condone" anything. I can't believe your husband would refuse to go to his own brother's wedding for fear of "condoning" something.

I probably missed a few.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Sheila
Sun Nov 23, 2014 4:52 AM
Sheila, Ann Landers died in 2002, so this letter was written at least twelve years ago, if not longer. Ann Landers showed an ability to change with the times and would not give the same advice today. Also, by now the nine-year-old is an adult and has made up her own mind about same-sex marriage.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Kimiko
Sun Nov 23, 2014 5:11 AM
You are absolutely correct on all points, Sheila, and so are you Kimiko. Ann Landers was never famous for being a progressive thinker and this response is time stamped with the bigotries of the day. Thankfully people are starting to realize it's stupid to hate anyone for who they choose to love.
Comment: #3
Posted by: InternetBully
Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:37 PM
Sheila wins my award for best post ever.

Kids are not confused until we get in there and f@ck with their minds. Ask any five year old what he thinks about two people not being able to marry because of what they look like, and he or she will say, "that's mean."

As for this, "Ann landers wrote this years ago and was acting within the values of the time," well, crap. Disrespect and small-mindedness were never acceptable. Did Galileo deserve the treatment he got because, hey, that was then, this is now, so it's ok? Did African Americans and whites marrying in 1915 deserve hatred? How about 1930? 1950? When is youthful cutoff, I wonder?

If I may generalize, some Americans seem to think that if they come around on an issue eventually, then they are wonderful and all the harm and hurt they created before then are no big deal because, hey, they came around eventually, and that wipes the slate clean. (I think it's part of the American ethos, that man reinvents himself, and that's good (which it is), and that having done so he just moves forward from there with no regrets (it isn't)).

Comment: #4
Posted by: Jpp
Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:59 PM
What's "confusing" is the posted release date of this letter, as I clearly remember seeing this Ann Landers column back in the late 90s, shortly after DOMA was passed, and of course today you just look at it and laugh. Ann probably would have given a similar response to someone in the 50s whose sister was preparing to marry a black man. It's amazing how many people have changed their minds about gay marriage since DOMA, including the President who signed that act. Interracial couples are now commonly shown all over television, including kids shows, and I don't think it will be too long before gay couples appear as characters on the Disney Channel either.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Paul W
Tue Nov 25, 2014 8:43 AM
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