DEAR SUSAN: I'm responding to Simon P. from Long Island, N.Y., who was "starting to wonder" about the request for $500 from a woman he met over the Internet through a Japanese online dating service. I think your response was correct, Susan, but I'd like to add my own suspicions to the pile. It sounds like a scam. I saw red lights when Simon said the woman doesn't have a phone (maybe she does but wants to remain anonymous) and doesn't want him to come over to Japan to meet her (another way to remain faceless). If she really wants to come to see him in America, he can offer to reimburse her when she arrives. I'll bet $500 she won't contact him again. — Clarke H., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR CLARKE: Count me in for another $500! From the first word, Simon's letter had the sound and feel of a scam — sad for him, sad for the Japanese woman who needed to stoop so low to get to America, saddest for all the American women whose hearts' desire is to meet a good guy, no strings attached. Yet still so many men write in wondering whether they should advance money for foreign females. My advice is to be cautious, very cautious, to go slowly and speak to the lady in question to hear her in person. Usually there is some excuse for its not being possible, which is the reddest of danger signals. And still the beat goes on; foreign dating sites are still popular, visited most often by the male gender. And why is that? For the exotic flavor, the offbeat, the foreign intrigue? Think about it, all you homegrown males hunting for the unusual. The best of womanhood is here. Look a little harder at the slightly overweight, the medium-pretty face, the shy ones. A gem could be staring you in the face. Try harder.

DEAR SUSAN: I need some advice. I'm an unmarried professional woman who has recently gotten out of a two-year relationship, and all my girlfriends either are married or have boyfriends. Do you have suggestions on making new friends? Are you aware of any groups that specialize in helping people meet new people? — Ellen L., Santa Rosa, Calif.

DEAR ELLEN: The plain truth is everyone's always looking. In our greener-grass society, the other chap's prize is tantalizing, seemingly better than our own (sigh). So wherever you go, there's a chance to meet. The point is to GO. Mingle with people interested in things that pique your interest. Become part of a group of people with values similar to yours. (Saving the earth, controlling the climate, helping the homeless, caring for abused animals — the causes are endless.) The need out there is greater than ever, and filling it in your way is the very best — most satisfying — way to fill your own. The good feelings born of helping are like none other. The United Way, Red Cross, CARE, etc., are founded on that premise. You can't help but meet good people with sound values and strong character in those venues. And if you want to help in your neighborhood, show up at the local houses of worship. You'll be welcomed sincerely, with no ulterior motive. As for your reason for being there, well, let's just say it's mixed. You want to help out while you're widening your people world. Go to it.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at [email protected].