DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating a certain guy for about a year, but we're of different faiths and know that they are incompatible. I care a lot for him and vice versa. He hasn't said he loves me, and I think that's because he doesn't want this to become serious. The situation hurts, but I've been through this before. What should I do? — Katie K., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR KATIE: Read my lips: No new loves — at least for a while, until you dig into the reasons you're drawn by the doomed. And yes, I'm declaring that this painful pattern is voluntary. On some deep level, you don't want a relationship to come to fruition. The reasons are hidden right now, but when you start a dialogue with your inner self (preferably with a counselor's guidance), they'll surface. And when they do, what an unburdening that will be! You'll see men and love as positive additions to your life. More importantly, you'll feel worthy of the good stuff that comes with them. (Hint: You are!) This is work only you can do, but as it progresses you'll enjoy the good feelings it engenders. How you handle your current relationship is up to you, but I hope you withdraw from it gracefully, with gentleness and appreciation. Chances are it won't be a total surprise, and the current man in your life will probably be willing to go along with the new ground rules you establish. My suggestion is to taper it off and fill life with other things. (There is more to singleness, guaranteed.) You've got an exciting stage coming up, a unique glimpse into your self that will put an end to romantic fatalities and head-on collisions. You'll have absolutely no use for them! Good riddance. And one day soon, you'll see, you'll find yourself drawn to a relationship with no fatal flaw. Hallelujah.

NUTRITION ALERT. In my kitchen the other day, a cooking-related idea came to me while I was whipping up a light dinner. And so I'm passing along my food alert.

Romantic love — and the sex that's part of it — is so much more enjoyable when considered a condiment, a side dish rather than a reason to get up in the morning. Becoming occasional delights, romantic interludes add spice and variety to the main course, which in my mind is a full life. Time being the most precious commodity (once you're over the poverty line), I define a full life as using time intelligently, giving it careful thought and setting priorities. For me, that includes caring and honest relationships with people I love and respect. And of course, family love is a basic ingredient. The other leg of the triangle is work that you consider interesting, useful and meaningful.

Think about it.

DEAR SUSAN: About your bachelor relative who tells women he's a notary public so they'll stay away: I must add that attorneys now are automatically entitled to become notaries upon admission to the bar. He may need another keep-away story, like becoming a missionary to Africa after taking a vow of poverty. — Bachelors United, New York City

DEAR BACHELORS UNITED. That's a good suggestion. Too good, in fact. Let's hope no other eligible males catch "Single File" today. Hey, we need more red-blooded men with healthy minds and masculinity to match our femininity. To paraphrase a wonderful reader, we need men who will risk everything to defend others and to defend their own truth, and to take that inner journey to their greatest fear/pain/wound/tears. Women, children and other men desperately need the courage of these poet-warriors.

Do you know any men who qualify? Save the males.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at [email protected].