Q: I've just read your responses to "Boys Need Male Role Models" and found it very informative. My questions are these: In today's society, heroes are hard to find. So, where could a future father find one his children can follow? I can't even use myself because I had a very long stint of homelessness (over 14 years). Now I'm working and doing fairly well, but am I a role model?

This is a very important topic for me, because I want to be ready when the day comes. I've seen too many people do things very last minute or even push anything together and say it's a finished product. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

I'm already a part of the National Fatherhood Institute and First Things First.

A: Dear Member of the National Fatherhood Institute and First Things First,

You have the potential for being an excellent role model when you are ready to get married and have your own family, if you have good work, are not drug or alcohol addicted and lead an ethical and reasonably interesting life. People who have been resilient, have dealt with difficult times and went on to lead healthy lives are in excellent positions to explain to their children that they weren't perfect but they grew from and overcame their problems. You can tell any future children how terrible it was and beg them not to let those things happen to them. Then you can explain that if bad things do happen that are out of their control, don't quit until they've solved their problems. You didn't. Kids can understand that people aren't perfect and that they make mistakes. When they, in turn, make some poor choices, they'll be more likely to admit they have problems and hopefully will recover from them faster.

Select your partner carefully and rationally. You should choose a partner you respect and who respects you, so that you can work, love and raise your family together. Make a commitment to stay together and help each other grow before you have children. Then when you decide to have children, they can be assured of your commitment to each other and to them.

Make it clear to your future children that education provides pathways to a better life and emphasize both school learning and choosing good friends with high standards of ethical behavior. Be sure to do work and learning projects with your children and leave time for family fun and laughter. Encourage your children to be involved in extracurricular activities where they may find good leaders, coaches and teachers who are role models. Let's hope you'll also have good friends and colleagues at work who can serve as role models. It's likely that your friends who are part of the National Fatherhood Institute aspire to be good role models for children, too.

For free newsletters about role models and raising amazing boys, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.