Teen Needs to Leave Abusive Boyfriend, by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years. I'm 19 and he's 22. It hasn't been a perfect relationship, but most of the time it's been fun. We're not engaged, but we have discussed marriage. Last week I probably would have married him, but now I'm not so sure.

Two nights ago, we got into a huge argument. I felt that he had too much to drink and told him I wasn't riding with him in his car. I called a friend to pick me up, and this really made Jeff angry. He then grabbed me and physically forced me into his car. I struggled, but he was too strong for me. I started screaming at him to let me out. Then he hit me twice with his fist, once on the side of my head and the other on my lip. My lip split open and I spilled blood all over my clothes. He then told me to get out of his car so I wouldn't bleed on the seat.

The next day he called saying he was sorry and that he would never hit me again. He said he was under a lot of pressure at work and just "exploded" when I nagged him about drinking too much. I still look like a punching bag today. I've got a red bump on my face and a puffy split lip. Jeff came over to my apartment and was really shocked at my appearance; he apologized for hitting me and said he would never lay a hand on me again. He wanted me to go to a movie with him, but somehow I just couldn't. First, I didn't feel like going out with him, and then I was ashamed to be seen in public.

Do you feel that Jeff's "explosion" was just a one-time thing, or is it possible that once he has hit me it might just be easier for him to hit me a second time? I would hate to wind up a battered wife. — Ashamed, Macon, Ga.

ASHAMED: The violence of Jeff's attack on you indicates he has both a drinking problem and general emotional troubles, which can't be explained away as "pressure at work." He has a serious need to control your behavior. There's no way to know for sure if he'd ever hit you again, but one battering is too many. What he did to you is unforgivable. Do not wait around to see if he keeps his word. End your relationship with Jeff immediately and permanently! You deserve better.

Jeff is a criminal and belongs off the streets. Contact the Macon police and have charges brought against him. You will be doing a great favor for females who would be unfortunate to date him after you dumped him.

SHY MOM DOESN'T SHOW A LOT OF AFFECTION

DR. WALLACE: My friend Sarah and I spend a lot of time at each other's houses. When she is at my house, my mom is very friendly and makes us laugh, but when I'm at her house, her mom hardly ever speaks to me. I used to think her mom didn't like me, but Sarah convinced me that she does. Do you think Sarah is just trying to make me feel better, or is it possible her mom really does like me? — Nameless, Galesburg, Ill.

NAMELESS: Moms come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments. Your mother is outgoing and verbal, while Sandy's mom is more quiet and reserved. This doesn't mean she dislikes you; she just doesn't show her affection the way your mother would. The proof is that, if Sandy's mom truly disliked you, you wouldn't be spending time with her daughter in her house.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, MAY 12, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Will Heal and Move on from Breakup

DR. WALLACE: Steve and I dated regularly for over six months. When we first started dating, I really liked him and we had a lot of fun together. But the longer we dated, the less enjoyable it became. Last week, I decided to break up with him; I was going to tell him on our next date, which was supposed to be tomorrow night.

Today, he came over and told me he was going to date another girl and no longer wanted to go out with me. I should have been happy, because I didn't know how I was going to tell him it was over between us. Instead, I got upset and started crying. Now I'm still upset and mad that he dumped me for another girl. This really hurts.

To be honest, I wouldn't take him back if he came begging on his knees, but to get dumped by him is just too much. Anything you can say to help me get rid of this feeling will be appreciated. — Nameless, Clinton, Iowa.

NAMELESS: William Shakespeare wasn't an advice columnist, but I'm sure if you'd asked him, he would have reminded you that, "All's well that ends well." Let it go at that. Sometimes our mind can invent problems for us where none exist. Your ego was bruised, but it will heal.

STATISTICS PROVE THAT SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES

DR. WALLACE: I firmly believe that safety belts help save lives and reduce injuries. Do you have any official numbers to back that statement? I have a stubborn father who refuses to wear his safety belt, even though it's against the law in California not to wear one. When I tell him that safety belts save lives, all he will say is, "Prove it." — Laurinda, Corona Del Mar, Calif.

LAURINDA: I did a little research and found the following information extremely enlightening. According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, proper seat belt use saves on average 9,140 lives a year and reduces or prevents 327,000 injuries.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports the following percentage of severe injuries sustained in motor vehicle collisions: head, 33 percent; chest, 27.7 percent; abdomen, 22.4 percent; arms and legs, 11.9 percent; spinal column, 5 percent. The risk reductions with safety belts for fatalities from frontal crashes are: head, 82 percent; chest, 53 percent; abdomen, 29 percent. For serious injuries, the reductions are: head, 71 percent; chest, 26 percent; abdomen, 61 percent; arms and legs, 81 percent.

I could go on and on with statistics that prove without a doubt that safety belts save lives and prevent injuries. I know you will lay this on dear old Dad and I'm positive he will agree that statistics "Prove it."

CLASS ON TOBACCO CAN BENEFIT STUDENTS

DR. WALLACE: Our high school will have a class on tobacco, dealing with the health problems it causes and showing teens who smoke how to kick the habit. The class will be required for all students to meet once a week. I'm a nonsmoker who will never smoke or use tobacco in any form. Taking this class will be a waste of time for me.

Why do schools get involved in teaching nonacademics? I'm talking about driver's training, sex education and now the evils of tobacco. — Jennifer, Ames, Iowa.

JENNIFER: The schools educate their students in certain nonacademic subjects when there is a pressing need to do so. In the case of a class on tobacco, the need exists because too many parents have failed to educate their children at home. Personally, I'm in favor of such a class.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, MAY 13, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Girl Should Ignore Her Annoying Little Brother

DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 and have a 10-year-old brother; we both live with our mother. Our parents are divorced. My problem is that I get blamed for everything my brother does wrong.

Let me give you an example. Five minutes ago, he got angry because our puppy wanted to play with me rather than him. Did he walk away and say that he'd play with the puppy later? No! Instead, he ran to his room and slammed the door. This caused a picture hanging on the wall to fall, breaking the glass and scratching the picture.

Was my brother punished for his temper tantrum? No! I'm sent to my room for "aggravating" my little brother. It's not my fault if the dog enjoys my company more than my brother's.

I called my dad and explained everything to him, and he said to ignore my brother when he has a bad temper. That's very hard to do. Do you have any better advice? Remember, this guy is a little monster. — Glenda, Klamath Falls, Ore.

GLENDA: It appears that Mother Nature has decided that 10-year-old brothers will always pester older sisters. I don't know why, except maybe it teaches sisters the meaning of tolerance. Thank goodness this stage doesn't last too long (though I realize even one day seems too long right now.) Sooner or later, almost certainly, the two of you will be good buddies. Honest!

Try hard to share with your brother and include him in some of your activities. Even though it might be difficult, give him a word or two of praise every day. And, above all, don't argue with him.

No one said it was fun for a 12-year-old girl to have a 10-year-old brother, but when you're older you'll be glad he's around. Just wait and see.

ANY NEEDLE POSES A RISK OF SPREADING STDS

DR. WALLACE: Tattoos are in. I'd like to get the tattoo of a butterfly on my left shoulder, and my boyfriend is pushing for me to get one. But I haven't yet because I'm concerned about getting an STD infection from the tattoo needle. My boyfriend says it's impossible to get a sexually transmitted disease from being tattooed.

I'm not so sure about that. What is the truth? — Rosa, Brownsville, Texas.

ROSA: People can become infected with an STD by sharing needles for any reason, including doing drugs, ear piercing or tattooing. Of course, all tattoo artists say they use new needles for every tattoo they perform. I'm sure most of them do. But the risk is still there.

TEEN CELEBRATES HER MOM'S SOBRIETY

DR. WALLACE: I am a 12-year-old girl and my mother was an alcoholic. She used to get drunk every day. When I was younger, I thought all mothers got drunk, but as I grew older I found out this wasn't true. I couldn't invite my friends over because my mother would embarrass me.

Then, one day, my father and I convinced her to seek help, and she did. She missed my birthday because she was receiving treatment, but when she finished, she gave me my best present ever — a sober mother. I love her very much and consider her my hero. I am so happy that I now have a "real" mom. I'm the happiest girl in the world. — Jessica, Green Bay, Wis.

JESSICA: I share in your joy. I wish your family, and especially you, joy forevermore. Your letter made my day!

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, MAY 14, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Unsure About Whether She Suffers From Anorexia

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16, and like most teenage girls, I'm concerned about being overweight, especially now that it's almost "bikini" time. My school counselor called me into her office today and said that some girls at school are concerned because I'm so thin. They told the counselor that I might be anorexic.

I don't eat a lot, but I'm sure that I don't have an eating disorder. My counselor called my mom and told her that she was concerned about my "slimness," and advised mom to get me checked out.

My mom asked me to write to you and ask how we would know if I had a disorder. — Nameless, Des Moines, Iowa.

NAMELESS: Answer these questions honestly. A "yes" answer to any one of these questions indicates that you could be suffering from anorexia or bulimia and should seek evaluation from a professional (doctor, psychologist, social worker):

— Do I restrict my intake to less than 500 calories a day?

— Do I skip two or more meals a day?

— Do I eat a lot of food within two hours, while feeling out of control?

— Do I use laxatives or water pills to lose or control weight?

— Do I exercise excessively or vomit?

— Do I avoid social functions, or stay home from school or work, just to keep an eating or exercise schedule?

If you do need professional assistance, obtain it soon. Both anorexia and bulimia are serious eating disorders, and if not overcome, can lead to permanent damage or even death in extreme cases.

SMOKE DETECTORS ARE BENEFICIAL AND SAVE LIVES

DR. WALLACE: What makes smoke detectors so important? If a house was on fire, you'd burn up and the detector might not even go off. Sometimes companies scare people into buying their products when they aren't really needed. — John, Sidney, Ohio.

JOHN: Some companies do make exaggerated claims about the importance of their products, but companies that manufacture smoke detectors are not among them. A high percentage of deaths in fires are caused by smoke inhalation, not the flames.

According to the American Council on Sciences and Health, residential fires claim over 5,000 lives yearly in the United States. Many of these deaths occur because too much time elapsed before the fire was detected. Functional smoke detectors placed outside every bedroom and in other strategic areas in the house are truly lifesavers. Every house must have this protection, and the alarms should be checked once a year to make sure they are properly working.

CHILDREN CAN BE TALLER THAN THEIR PARENTS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 5 feet 6 inches tall. That's fairly tall for a 17-year-old girl. My mom is 5 feet 3 inches, while my dad is 5 feet 5 inches. You told a teen that height is inherited from parents. If this is true, why am I taller than both my mother and my father? I think you made a mistake. Also, my brother is 5 feet 7 inches tall. What gives? — Arlene, Atlanta.

ARLENE: Tall parents tend to have tall children and short parents tend to have short children because height is basically determined by heredity. But children are not exact duplicates of their parents; it is quite common for them to be taller than their parents, in part because of improved nutrition. I am 3 inches taller than my father.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, MAY 15, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Should Continue Eating Nutritious Broccoli

DR. WALLACE: A couple of months ago, you encouraged a girl to eat her broccoli because it's the best vegetable. My parents read your column and now my mom prepares broccoli at least twice a week, forcing me to eat it. I don't really hate it, but it's not one of my favorites. Maybe I'll enjoy it more if I know exactly how good it is for me. Please fill me in. Also, which fruit ranks as No. 1? — Kelvin, Pampa, Texas.

KELVIN: Good old broccoli is a powerhouse of nutrition. One cup supplies 90 percent of the daily requirement for beta-carotene, 200 percent of vitamin C, significant amounts of niacin, calcium, thiamine, and phosphorous as well as 25 percent of needed fiber.

Also, broccoli is one of the vegetables that may protect against certain forms of cancer. And all this for only 45 power-packed calories! Trust me when I tell you not to complain when mom serves it twice a week. You should be thanking her.

All fruits are wonderfully nutritious, but cantaloupe and strawberries are the best.

READER ADVISES TEENS TO MARRY AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL

DR. WALLACE: You told a 17-year-old girl, who wanted to get married at the end of her junior year in high school, to wait until after she graduated before "tying the knot." I strongly second that motion. My husband was 19 and I had just completed my junior year when we got married. I had plans to return to night school to earn my diploma, but things didn't work out that way.

I don't regret marrying my husband, and we love each other very much. But when I think of the many things I missed in my senior year, including the prom, senior yearbook and, of course, graduation, I wish that I had waited that extra year.

I am looking forward to my 4-year-old daughter going to proms and, hopefully, graduation parties before she says, "I, Janet, take thee ... " — Margo, Clinton, Iowa.

MARGO: Thanks for sharing your experience. It's important for teens to hear it from those who have "been there and done that."

TEEN AND PARENTS NEED TO TALK WITH TEACHER

DR. WALLACE: I'm in the seventh grade and really like all of my classes and teachers, except one. One of my teachers is always picking on me. He calls on me in class discussions. If I don't have the right answer, he makes a smart remark like, "Start doing all your homework and stop watching television, and you'll get a better grade in this class." That makes the class laugh, but makes me feel terrible.

I'm a good student and always have been. I'm getting A's and B's in all my other classes, but I'm only receiving a C from him. I think I deserve better. I've talked with him after class and asked him to stop picking on me, but all he said was, "I'm not picking on you. It's all in your mind." My brother had the same teacher last year. They had a huge argument and my brother was suspended for two days. Is it possible the teacher is mad at me because of my brother?

How can I get him to stop picking on me and give me the grade I should be getting — at least a B? — Barb, Indianapolis.

BARB: Most problems like this can be resolved with a parent-teacher-student conference. Have a parent arrange such a meeting. If for some reason this fails to work, have a parent plan a meeting with your principal. An efficient principal can solve your problem.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, MAY 16, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Should Take Advantage of Traveling Opportunity

DR. WALLACE: Please help me out. I'm 17 and have an opportunity to visit France this summer for three weeks. I'd be traveling with my best friend and her parents who were born in France. I really want to go. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to visit a foreign country where I could practice my French. I've never been out of Canada. My parents are both teachers, and they have arranged for me to take two college courses this summer (I have one more year of high school), which will count toward my college degree.

What do you think is more important? I know they read your column and might change their minds if you agree with me. Please print this soon. Time is running out. — Karla, Montreal, Quebec.

KARLA: If I had been given an opportunity to travel to France with a friend and his family, I would have done all in my power to convince my parents to allow me to go. You can always pick up those college classes, but you might never again have the chance to visit France, especially with people who know their way around the country and can immerse you in the culture as well as the language.

Sometimes parents need to be reminded that education has a broad definition; it's not limited to what happens in the classroom. The great, wide world, with its astonishing diversity of cultures, has much to teach us.

FATHER NEEDS TO TRUST HIS WELL-BEHAVED DAUGHTER

DR. WALLACE: I have a serious trust problem with my father. Larry and I have been dating steadily for the past nine months. I'm a very good student, active in school activities and teach Sunday school at our church. I've never been in trouble, and I'm not involved in drugs, alcohol or tobacco. I am also proud to say that I'm a virgin and have no plans to become sexually active.

Larry is a nice guy with a great personality. He's popular at school and gives the outward appearance that he is a lady's man, but he really isn't. He only gets average grades and, at times, is the class clown. He has been suspended from school several times, but not for anything serious.

It so happens that my dad doesn't care much for Larry. He hasn't made me stop seeing him, but he has come close. Larry and I talk on the phone for only 15 minutes every night. That's good, but my dad has the telephone rigged so that our every conversation is taped. Then after I hang up, he listens to our every word. My boyfriend and I were told that our conversations would be taped, so it's no surprise that we are very careful of our word usage.

Do you think my dad is being a wise parent by taping our telephone talks, or do you think that he is making a big mistake? My dad is aware that I am writing to you. — Sarah, Merrillville, Ind.

SARAH: Trust between parents and their children is a precious commodity. With it, a family functions happily; without it, a family can easily unravel. Trust is a terrible thing to break — and taping a daughter's telephone conversations does just that!

In my opinion, your father is being not only overly cautious but also very unwise. With your outstanding citizenship and scholarship, you have certainly warranted his trust. You don't deserve to be treated like a crime suspect.