Dear John: I'm a 52-year-old woman. I realize now that I want a good friend and a companion as much as I want a lover. In a recent relationship with my friend "Ted," I began to think romantically about him. But when I asked him if he wanted a romantic relationship, Ted said, "If I were to be physically attracted to you, those feelings would have shown up by now." The friendship is good, but can romance and even passion develop in this situation? —Ready for Intimacy, in Dalton, Ga.

Dear Ready: It is quite common for women to be friends first then have feelings of passion ignite from the glow of a close platonic relationship. This realization, however, does not equally apply to men. If a man experiences friendship without some form of immediate attraction on his part, this generally indicates that the chemistry for passion is not there — although a strong friendship is possible.

Don't despair. Be open to your options. Numerous friendships with many men will open the doorway for the right man to come into your life. I don't doubt that Ted is a terrific guy, but you know that there are other wonderful men out there who will desire you as a friend and a lover. Don't settle for less than what you fully desire.

Dear John: When one partner is moving too fast, how should the other partner indicate that it is time to slow down? That is the situation I'm facing with my boyfriend, and I want to slow things down without pushing him away. —Balancing Act, in Pueblo, Colo.

Dear Balancing Act: An open discussion is the best course of action. Let him know that his interest and attention flatter you, but that he is moving too fast for you and, at this time, you cannot reciprocate these feelings. Rather than expressing platitudes or advice, speak from you personal experiences in explaining why you'd feel more comfortable going slower.

If, in a considerate way, you convey your true desire to take it slower, it should in no way dampen his interest, but actually increase it. And, if you are concerned that your reticence may chase him away or hurt his feelings, know that by making the point that, in going slower, the fire of your passions will burn longer and stronger.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.