Conservative> Brent Bozell> Colbert Shreds Sunday School

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Colbert Shreds Sunday School

Christmas is coming, which means it's time for Comedy Central to begin besmirching the holiday. This year's first salvo is "A Colbert Christmas," hosted by the clueless ultraconservative buffoon persona played by Stephen Colbert. Colbert is so busy manufacturing his O'Reilly-esque right-wing jerk that it's impossible to tell where the real man and the cartoon diverge. His adoring entourage in the secular press tries to smooth over his satires of Christianity by insisting he's a Sunday school-teaching Catholic family man. Colbert told the Associated Press that he thinks his Christmas special is "sincerely strange, but strangely sincere."

Why do men like this say such insincere things when promoting their shows? That claim of sincerity vanishes within the first 30 seconds, when Colbert proclaims in his white cardigan and red turtleneck that he's so excited for his Christmas special he's "sporting a Yule log" and gets out a baseball bat and promises to provide a "freshly hobbled Tiny Tim." I'm guessing that slogan is also ruined by the scene where he tongue-kisses a bear under the mistletoe.

The real agenda emerges when Colbert's Christmas-cabin set is visited by country singer Toby Keith. There's a war on Christmas, Keith proclaims, and liberals are going to be dead when it's over. He sings, "Separate church and state, that's what some lawyer said / I say we separate him from his head." Keith also sings, "You can call me un-Christian, but that's not true. Buddy, I've got a present for you." Then, the audience sees a house exploding, and Santa and two little kids laughing at the violence implied. After another verse, in which church-state separation is "what some liberal said," the "present" is getting shot by Keith, who then jokes, "Hope it's the right size." He sings about Santa dropping bombs: "Saint Toby's got one, too, for the ACLU." The footage turns to mushroom clouds.

The lyrics (written by "Daily Show" executive producer David Javerbaum) are not what you would call subtle (or intelligent) about those bullying Christians. The song jokes that idiotic Colbert-clone conservatives think Santa Claus and Uncle Sam are one and the same, "so boys, take aim." Perhaps this joking about slaying the unbelievers might warm the hearts of those who equate Christians with bloodthirsty Muslim radicals. I'm sure Rosie O'Donnell gives it two thumbs up.

Some might think the Keith routine mocks self-proclaimed culture warriors more than the Christmas story itself.

But next, Willie Nelson appears as a marijuana-smoking fourth wise man in Colbert's table-top Nativity set. "Right now, I'm so high, you're hallucinating," says the special-effects-shrunken country star.

Nelson sings a "Little Dealer Boy" carol, touting the spiritual benefits of marijuana smoking, complete with lines like "Goodwill to men lies in this bong." The "wonder weed" of marijuana flowering looks like "that special star above." Nelson sings: "The wise men started tokin', and yea, the bud was kind / It was salvation they were smoking, and his forgiveness blew their mind." Colbert sings along, joking "I'm gonna tell your savior."

Let's hope Stephen the Sunday school teacher doesn't try showing this DVD at church. But as usual with satirists, he is cynical and hypocritical. Colbert proclaimed a while back on "60 Minutes" that he never lets his children watch his shows, because they don't get his irony. He just makes them so that everyone else's children are instructed to laugh along.

Some of the satire is more subtle or implied. John Legend sings about the necessity of nutmeg in his eggnog with salacious soul lyrics urging his woman to "lick the nutmeg off my ladle." When he leaves Colbert's cabin, he insists he's "gonna go find a Meg so I can nut it." On reflection, there's not much subtlety on that end note.

The pop singer Feist appears as an angel and pokes fun at prayer, claiming prayers are answered by the next available heavenly operator in the order they were offered. As she wears a headset, she sings: "Please be patient, an angel will be with Thee shortly," and "please continue to hold" for an "authorized prayer technician."

As the show ends, Colbert and the singer Elvis Costello sing a half-earnest song about believing in the Christmas spirit, which includes this line about much worse things to believe in: "Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad / Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful God."

Once again, Comedy Central merges together Christianity and Islam like they were two different brands of poison. If Colbert doesn't believe that God judges people when they die, why is he teaching children at church? What has he been teaching? Certainly not the passages about judgment all over the Bible. More to the point: What Catholic parish in its right mind would allow this man to teach religion to its children?

L. Brent Bozell III is the president of the Media Research Center. To find out more about Brent Bozell III, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Sir;... It isn't as though the churches have not made war on the state, and interfered with the government's ability to provide for basic services and needs, broken down the separation of church and state on free speech grounds, and then argued against a me too allowance for free speech for non Chrisitian faiths... It is a mistake to allow Christianity such power in our society, or to let them get by without paying taxes.... Given a chance, the Christians would take over, and the only thing stopping them is that they hate and distrust each other as much as they hate and distrust every secular group, or individual...I would not mind them nearly so much if they held to their faiths... Not one of them holds to the belief which was common in the past, that humanity would be judged as a whole.... And yet they think they have to save the whole of society even if it means lighting up Christmas with Auto de fe's.... I love Christians, and find so few of them... Then again, I love intelligent and educated people and find few of them as well... I don't think Organized Christianity has anything to recommend it... It is a vehicle the ungodly ride to power, which is Un-Christian, and not at all what Jesus would accept... If no one stops me from doing Good, why must I interfere with anyone's ability to do Good... I do not believe that any good can come about but by the will of God, and yet good is also the goal of government, which the denominations have hobbled... So long as they see their success, and their profit, and their numbers, and their political power growing out of the misery of the nation they will not cease to make matters worse or hamper the ability of government to work... Making fun of institutional religion is a small thing... I would trash them all in a heartbeat, and know humanity would be better off seeking God and doing good as individuals...Thanks...Sweeney

Comment: #1
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Thu Nov 27, 2008 8:34 AM

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Mr. Bozell issues a throw away line that is of some import here--"christians and muslims are grouped as two brands of the same poison". The fact that national mouthpieces for this sick religion are beginning to acknoweldge this argument by those of us opposed to their abusive religion's teaching and attempt at political hegemony in the USA is the best indicator that we are seeing the truth rise at last...Of course all Christians are well meaning and non-violent....my arse.
In this country today the violence and anger from Christians is a growing threat to the stability, safety and future of the United States of America.
They teach their children stories of approved biblical infanticide, mass ritual societal murder for "sins", deliberate rejection of science and learning as antithetical to belief and proper conduct and that their god provides them with an inherent right to a priveleged place in American society because their churches laws trump secular law. Such stories and teachings, if done in a madrass in this country would result in prosecution for child abuse and treason--but the christian church is allowed to continue teaching their parasitic and abusive message to the young even as their leadership sanctions and allows sexual abuse by their priests and their adherents characterize all non-believing Americans as "communists" and "not real Americans".
In fact, all the ethno-based, monotheistic religions of the world share the same basic dangerous and sick attributes--1) a belief that they have a right and obligation to propogate their singular beliefs to the world and that any interference to that obligation is a violation of their civil rights 2) a history of violent torture and execution of those who refuse to adopt their belief systems any time they rise to significant power in a society 3) A rejection of any science or learning that disagrees with their belief systems--and a notion that they have a right to kill those who engage in such learning as apostates. Whether they are jews, islamists or christians each segment has these attributes hard copied in their religious DNA and they cannot deny their history--as a wag once said---"people don't change, only their circumstances do".
This history tells us EXACTLY what their belief system is and how it will react when it achieves power---all you need do is look to the history of the worst abuses of islam during the ottoman empire, the actions of the Christians in Europe during the times of the inquisition and 100 years war and the jews in their historical oppression of other races when they held power in the ancient world to see the future if we don't stop them gathering political power.
It is time that those of us who use our brains to overcome such petty and dangerous belief systems- those of us who work for peace and justice for all--not just our fellow believers; those of us who refuse to surrender our minds to a failed belief system that demands we reject science and reality as a condition of membership--It is high time that we begin forcing them to pay their fair share of taxes and to view societies laws as paramount--or to go to jail.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Bruce Stone
Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:42 AM

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