I just got the latest financial market bulletin. It beamed into a metal filling in a tooth in which I am receiving radio signals from a galaxy far, far away.

This is a device similar to that used by Democrat presidential candidates to get instructions from UFOs and aliens on drawing up their policy positions. It comes with a decoder ring in a Cracker Jack box.

When will we start drug tests on politicians? Do we not have enough drunks and junkies in public office already? It has ...

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