AUSTIN, Texas — Helpful hint for newsies suicidal at the thought of Life Without Monica: Consider the phone company.

No, you say, not the phone company! The phone company has no sex, no dress with DNA, no ... Hush, poor dears. The phone company has just come up with a plan so breathtaking in its imaginative reach, so startling, so profound yet so subtle and compassionate that I feel sure it will change all our lives in ways we cannot even begin to grasp.

AT&T is about ...

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