End of the Supermom Era
by Lenore Skenazy
"This car climbed Mt. Washington," says the usual bumper sticker.
"This car wants to jump OFF Mt. Washington." That's the bumper sticker Patty Konjoian came up with as she and her sister were penning their book and Web site, "Shut Up About … Your Perfect Kid!" While their work was inspired by their particular children's challenges — one has Asperger's syndrome, one has bipolar disorder — they've been surprised by the response they're get ...
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4 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: marilyn
Comment: #1
Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:36 PM
Re: maggie
My daughter is 7. I thought working my bottom off would allow me to be a better mom so I could "buy" her stuff...
and there we both are, laying side by side in bed, and I just look at her and say, I'm sorry, I thought if I worked more then I could buy you more stuff & be a better mommy.... She looked at me brillantly and said, gently rubbing my check... but you're perfect just the way you are :)
I agree with letting kids go free. It's unnatural to sick at home and kids reach an age where they, themselves, need to be able to invite friends over, go back and forth without a lot of parent hoovering.
I think my biggest disappointment parenting is that - a large part (not all) of parenting has been distorted by fooling myself into thinking & selling out to this crap of staying in with my kids all the time (and a lot of us our doing it) would make me a better mom. Wrong! It's depressing and paralyzing for all of us.
Adult proofing our children is a lot smarter then this capitalism of "child proofing".
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Posted by: maggie
Comment: #2
Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:18 PM
It continues to baffle and depress me that women are still figuring this stuff out. Men wouldn't dream of suffering guilt and self-doubt about something as trivial as a messy car, house, hair do.
I'm a feminist, mom, and full-time business owner. My kids and friends spend no energy whatsoever judging me...nor do I them. Life is short. Friends are good to you. Embrace the chaos. It will be gone in short order and replaced with the silence of the empty nest.
When you ask any American kid who is happy and healthy "What do you love about your Mom?" I promise you it is NOT that you keep your house clean or comb your hair. They love us for the time and attention we give THEM, not time we give to the PTA, the cooking, the cleaning, etc.
Banish guilt forever and hug your kid!!!
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Posted by: Reena
Comment: #3
Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:49 PM
THANK YOU ! Our society's demand for perfection is (I feel) the leading cause of DIVORCE in this country.
I let my 9 year old son walk 5 blocks to school, in a residential area, in a small community where I know a large majority of my neighbours and I am labeled a "bad mom". I sit on the PTA, I make home made lunches and raise three children as a single parent (self employed).... the continued unrealistic expectations of our society on parents sets everyone up for failure.
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Posted by: Kimberlayn
Comment: #4
Wed May 7, 2008 9:39 PM
I work with parents who aren't perfect. I would welcome a messy home, burger king wrappers on the floor, that would mean that the children were fed recently. Breast feeding and nipple confusion? I'm thrilled if some of them remember to feed the baby the entire bottle, instead of putting it down, it falls into the couch cushions, and they let the baby cry from hunger because they forgot about the bottle. Perfect parents (parents who feed their kids, take care of them, make sure they are educated, medically treated, safe at home and elsewhere) are a breath of fresh air to people who work with troubled families. Putting them down is not something I would do, I would encourage them to use some of their time getting a PTA tutoring ring together for kids whose parents aren't perfect, are hardly parents.
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