THANK YOU ! Our society's demand for perfection is (I feel) the leading cause of DIVORCE in this country.
I let my 9 year old son walk 5 blocks to school, in a residential area, in a small community where I know a large majority of my neighbours and I am labeled a "bad mom". I sit on the PTA, I make home made lunches and raise three children as a single parent (self employed).... the continued unrealistic expectations of our society on parents sets everyone up for failure.

I work with parents who aren't perfect. I would welcome a messy home, burger king wrappers on the floor, that would mean that the children were fed recently. Breast feeding and nipple confusion? I'm thrilled if some of them remember to feed the baby the entire bottle, instead of putting it down, it falls into the couch cushions, and they let the baby cry from hunger because they forgot about the bottle. Perfect parents (parents who feed their kids, take care of them, make sure they are educated, medically treated, safe at home and elsewhere) are a breath of fresh air to people who work with troubled families. Putting them down is not something I would do, I would encourage them to use some of their time getting a PTA tutoring ring together for kids whose parents aren't perfect, are hardly parents.

It continues to baffle and depress me that women are still figuring this stuff out. Men wouldn't dream of suffering guilt and self-doubt about something as trivial as a messy car, house, hair do.
I'm a feminist, mom, and full-time business owner. My kids and friends spend no energy whatsoever judging me...nor do I them. Life is short. Friends are good to you. Embrace the chaos. It will be gone in short order and replaced with the silence of the empty nest.
When you ask any American kid who is happy and healthy "What do you love about your Mom?" I promise you it is NOT that you keep your house clean or comb your hair. They love us for the time and attention we give THEM, not time we give to the PTA, the cooking, the cleaning, etc.
Banish guilt forever and hug your kid!!!

Re: maggie

My daughter is 7. I thought working my bottom off would allow me to be a better mom so I could "buy" her stuff...
and there we both are, laying side by side in bed, and I just look at her and say, I'm sorry, I thought if I worked more then I could buy you more stuff & be a better mommy.... She looked at me brillantly and said, gently rubbing my check... but you're perfect just the way you are :)

I agree with letting kids go free. It's unnatural to sick at home and kids reach an age where they, themselves, need to be able to invite friends over, go back and forth without a lot of parent hoovering.

I think my biggest disappointment parenting is that - a large part (not all) of parenting has been distorted by fooling myself into thinking & selling out to this crap of staying in with my kids all the time (and a lot of us our doing it) would make me a better mom. Wrong! It's depressing and paralyzing for all of us.

Adult proofing our children is a lot smarter then this capitalism of "child proofing".

I was just telling my friend yesterday that I have never once judged another person by the cleanliness of her home or her children. Why do I judge myself so harshly?

Women just need to accept that every family and every mommy is different. Some have boundless energy and some need a village to help out. I work because I want to, and am very happy with what my daughter gets out of daycare/preschool. She seems happy too. I am not the nurturing or patient type so staying home 24 x 7 would not work out. I feel I am a better mom because I get the time away from her. Its about quality of time when you are together. As I write this it is almost 1pm on a Sunday, my daughter is finishing her lunch while still in her pajamas and is watching educational TV. All is fine as far as I am concerned.

This blog entry and the accompanying responses may just be the beginning of a true and profound paradigm shift for me...life changing and life saving!

Lenore - love it. I love store bought Halloween costumes, and one year I even totally forgot it was Halloween!

Read the article!

Love your stuff. Your book is much needed for my sanity!

Over the past 6 months or so I've gone from trying to "do it all" and being perpetually racked with guilt for not being able to do so- to doing "just enough"- I can't quite pinpoint what triggered this shift but it's exactly what I needed. Sure I still look at my house and wish it looked like something out of Martha Stewart or Crate and Barrel but I accept that what it looks like is good enough and that there's nothing wrong with that- my dishes are done most of the time, my bathrooms aren't completely unsanitary and most of my clothes make it to their respective bedrooms- good enough for me. More importantly my daughter is a happy, healthy, thriving 19 month old who wakes up every day with a smile on her face and can't wait to see what each day holds- THAT is better then anything I could ever "do" myself.

Anna, you're doing better than me...my bathrooms are kind of unsanitary and my clean laundry is all in baskets right now because I can't seem to find the time or energy to get it back to the rooms where it belongs.

Also, can I get that "not sleeping through the night yet" t-shirt in a size 3T for my 3.5 year old, please?

I'm loving these articles. This one especially. I *thrive* to be that magazine Mom. I know it's somewhat possible because my Mom was like that - but one thing Mom left out was time to play with the kids. It's not fair to us mothers or our children to put laundry/dishes/sweeping/etc above our children. If at the end of the day there are a few dishes in the sink and maybe a load of folded wash ON TOP of the dresser, but the kids are happy and have been played with, my work as a mom is done :)

What some women fail to remember is.... even after you give birth, youre still human. You can't be on "go mode" 24.7. You need rest. You need times with your spouse/friends/etc. There's more to life than perfect hair and a clean house (although, having a good hair day really helps the mood on the days the house is more cluttered than usual. lol)

I'm glad supermom era is coming to an end. Although, my 5 year old does declare me "super awesome mom!!" I'd rather get my title from her than a talk show :)