Wednesday, August 27, 2008 | 6:42 p.m.

Cell Phone Holdouts Are Right: Buy a Phone, Become a Baby

by Lenore Skenazy

Whoopee for the iPhone, the latest version of the device that has made us a nation of blabbing babies: the cell.

Not that I could live without mine.

Still, I found a surprising number of cell phone holdouts who somehow manage to get by without the dropped calls, post-work work and daily conversation that goes: "Hang on just a sec. Can you make that coffee light, no sugar? I AM listening to you. You say you're getting a div — No sugar! Wait. What were we talking ab ...

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Posted by: sdguppy
Comment: #1
Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:01 AM

Also annoying are the state legislators who say we could NEVER actually ban cell phones completely while driving. WHY NOT! It isn't the hands busy (well, with the exception of texting), it is the busy brain that causes the problems! I live in Japan and it is absolutely illegal to use your cell phone AND any hands free device while driving. You will lose your license for a minimum of 6 months. Guess what? People don't talk on their cell phones. If the call is important, they find a place to pull over where they can safely return the call. It is also rude to speak on your cell phone on public transportation..... so people DON'T! The reason we don't have these laws on the books in the states is the massive amount of money the telecom industry pumps into our legislators coffers. I DO use a cell phone and it is convenient but it doesn't rule my life. Just as with my landline, I answer a call when I want to do so and often, I just don't.

Posted by: Jesse Hemminger
Comment: #2
Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:28 AM

Yeah, I agree, "Grow up.... learn to make plans." I think there is something in his sentiment. I think people have a lack of character. I know that sounds a bit old fashion and family values conservative, but hear me out. Character is the development of discipline. As Don Miguel Ruiz says in 'The Four Agreements,' "control over one's own emotions, control over one's own self." It makes sense to set up the different areas of my life in ways that make sense (social life, love, relationships, work, living arrangements, eating, etc.). But to do this requires discipline. As M. Scott Peck defines it in his best seller 'The Road Less Traveled' discipline is the ability to delay gratification. Which is the same as making plans, or having control over our emotions. We want something, this is an emotion, getting it would be gratifying. If we just seek instant gratification then we act like children. But instead if we can control the desires, the emotions, our selves, then we can delay gratification, we can use our rational thinking to make a rational decision instead of acting on our distress. So I decided it makes sense to set up my social life in a way that makes sense. And it makes sense to have real contact with people, not just school contact, and work contact, and art project contact, but to organize my life so that I am having deep connections with people. Sure I want the (instant) gratification of being productive and getting things done and accomplishing something, but in the long run if I don't have true friends (or if I don't connect with them) then something is wrong. This is planning, this is discipline, this is "the way of the warrior" (Ruiz), being able to forgo something in the short run for something more rational in the long run. That is the character that I talk about, which is in short supply especially in the USA.

Posted by: BMS2000
Comment: #3
Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:46 AM

Another hold out here. I have seen the learned helplessness set in with other slightly earlier than me late adopters. It is scary. Where before, someone actually went into a grocery store and made a decision, now they are instantly on the phone with their spouses: "Should I get 9 grain bread or 5 grain bread?" Who cares? Will your fiber count drop to zero if you choose the wrong thing? The other view I see is the idea that a)cell phones make you invincible and b)you child will instantly vanish without one. I have stopped to help a very nice elderly lady who had a flat tire, and whose cell phone fell and broke when she got out of the car. The cell phone was neither an instant savior, nor did it prevent her tire from going flat. But when I say I have no cell phone, the answer is always a gasp "But what if there was an EMERGENCY?!?!" Well, I guess I would have to, I dunno, USE MY BRAIN!

Posted by: dwmw2
Comment: #4
Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:02 AM

The problems you describe are not fundamental problems with mobile telephones. It's entirely possible to possess such a device and _not_ conduct conversations in inappropriate situations. They usually come with buttons which let you _reject_ a call instead of answering it; people just need to know how to use that button. Especially when it's work :) I'm a partial holdout. I _do_ have a mobile telephone, but I discourage people from using it. If someone actually has the temerity to call me, I'll often demand to know whether they know what timezone I'm in, why their call is so important that it's worth waking me up for (when they say no to the previous question), and why they didn't use email instead. But I wouldn't be without it. There are certain circumstances, usually unforeseen, when I _want_ to be contactable. Planning ahead is all very well, but not always possible -- and life doesn't always go to plan anyway.

Posted by: ames
Comment: #5
Tue May 20, 2008 3:36 PM

Here's a thought. TURN IT OFF. You're at dinner? The movies? Spending the day with a friend? Turn off the phone! I have a cell phone, and only a cell phone because I move a lot, and it's easier for everyone if I carry the same number with me. But I am certainly not one of those people you describe in your article. My phone is on when I am available to take calls. When I'm not - that's what voice mail is for. Having said that, dwmw2 sounds like kind of a jerk. Hey, dwmw2 - turn it off at night if you're going to be an asshole to the people who call you.

Posted by: Free at last!
Comment: #6
Tue May 20, 2008 9:00 AM

My third phone died last month, and I'm living without well well, thank you. No more call forwarding my land line when I go out, no more forgetting to bring the phone with me when I go out, no more forgetting to deprogram it when I get back. Free at last! And I have a friend who, after having a work-imposed Blackberry, hates them and doesn't have one now. This fellow rebel keeps me strong in my resistance to get another one. Some people react as though I'm personally inconveniencing them because I don't have one, and as though I'm a freak. Too bad! One of the benefits of quitting smoking was to have one less thing to remember to take before leaving the house. The cell phone was another ball and chain. Less is more! True story: On a bike ride last week, I was passed by a guy talking on his cell. Handsfree. Not the phone -- the bike.

Posted by: Kimberlayn
Comment: #7
Wed May 7, 2008 9:31 PM

While I agree with you on a lot of points, I disagree with you somewhat. The example of the girl buying the dress: maybe it was something special that mom really wanted to be a part of, and texting pictures was a way for mom and daughter to share the memory. My kids having cellphones has led to them being more independent and me letting them go easier. I don't require that they call me if they go somewhere or get somewhere or update me every half hour on what they are doing. I do require that their phone be charged and on when they are not home. They have to answer if I call, because it will be for a reason (letting them know that dad and I are going to be out for dinner and they have to feed themselves, they are 15 and 10 and can cook). Cellphones have been great when my tire went flat on the interstate, and have been annoying when my husband is getting emails at dinner, but someone who is a baby because of a cell, would have been a baby another way before.

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