Tuesday, July 08, 2008 | 11:32 p.m.

Market Tumbles on News That Bush Is Still President: White House Appearance "A Painful Reminder," Experts Say

by Andy Borowitz

President George W. Bush used a Rose Garden appearance today to reassure investors that he was at the helm of the U.S. economy, causing stock markets to plummet around the world.

"You don't have to worry about this economy because I am in charge of it," said Mr. Bush, touching off what some observers were calling a global financial panic.

Mr. Bush began his remarks about the economy at 10:30 a.m. Eastern time, and by 10:30, markets around the world had already gone int ...

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008 | 11:32 p.m.
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