I know exactly how Dreading the Inevitable feels. My brother and I attended our biological father's funeral out of a sense of obligation. He hadn't wanted anything to do with us for a number of years, but we went anyway. Several people got up and spoke about what a wonderful man he was and how much he talked about his children. My brother and I kept looking at each other, wondering if they were talking about us. We will never understand how he could talk so lovingly about us yet not want to spend any time with us. -Missed him before he died

My grandfather put himself through school playing organ for churches and funeral homes. He told a story of a funeral where the minister was lavishing praise on the diseased, calling him a pillar of society, and a hard-working, loving father and husband. After this went on for a while, the widow stood up and said "Let me see you you've got in that coffin, cause I have never been married to anyone like the man you're describing!"

People always say kind things about the deceased at a funeral. It's sort of the point. Honestly, who's going to get up in front of the mourners and be brutally honest? Deep down, we all know that when he was alive, the deceased put his pants on one leg at a time like the living do.

I remember sitting with my 4 siblings at our father's funeral and we all looked at each other and mouthed, "Who are they talking about?" Yes, we went through the motions and opted not to go to his wife's daughter's home for the after funeral luncheon. 15 years later, I've never looked back and never regretted it.