Re: LW1 - The ladies say "it's no one's business if you're a recovering alcoholic." Well, it's no one's business if you're gay, but I hear people announcing it left and right as if it were. Frankly, I'd have a great deal of respect for someone who could say "I'm a recovering alcoholic and don't want to jeopardize my recovery." If he just says he's a non-drinker, the others are likely to say, well, come with us, just don't have alcohol. I think he should tell them, in a private way, and let them deal with it. There were recovering - as well as non-recovering - alcoholics in my family, and it was always a matter of respect to not put those who were recovering in a difficult position.

I have been a recovering alcoholic for 26 years. In the beginning of my recovery, I was still embarrassed and ashamed of being a recovering alcoholic and would not tell anyone (even though I didn't care who saw me drunk and slobberly). Now, I don't care who knows and I don't believe I have EVER felt judgment for being in recovery. In fact, most people (non-alcoholics) want to support this. What I have found is that I will experience judgment from others in proportion to how much I feel it for myself. If those co-workers are alcoholics, they will probably judge her. No job is worth that. And congrats to Kathy and Marcy for encouraging you to bring that up as a topic at your meetings.

My husband has been a grateful recovering alcoholic for 17 years. He finds himself often in work situations where others need help. He is not ashamed to share the hope he's found. This man's coworkers may find more respect for him knowing he's had this struggle, they may find education for loved ones, but more importantly they may need the help themselves. He should be honest & watch his work situation become another growth process..

Hey Maggie Lawrence nice segue from alcoholism to gay bashing - NOT. Anyway LW1; the Annies are wrong on this in one aspect. Simply, matter of factly and with no shame tell your co-workers that you are a recovering alcoholic and your are not in a position to jeopardize that at this time. Tell them you appreciate the invite but you're just "not there yet". You will be surprised at how supportive they will be. Stand your ground and do not be ashamed as a matter of fact you have something to be proud of. The Annies are right that this would be an excellent topic for you next meeting. Congrats on your progress so far and keep up the good work!!

Matt--- I did not read ANY gay bashing in Maggie's response so why the accusation that she was? I would rather a coworker let me know he or she is a recovery alcohol then waltz in and attempt to change what has become a tradition. It someone says I am not a drinker can we go to a coffeeshop? I would think well as a nondrinker you can drink coffee or soda at the bar while the rest of us have a drink. If he or she was to say I am a recovering alcoholic I would be thinking that's cool I can understand why you cannot have coffee or soda at a bar. Also the daughter that thinks her mother is foolish for dishing out money, it's her money. I also can't help but wonder about the comment on not being well off. I know if I had to plop down $50,000 I would not have anything left and would owe a lot. If mom can dish out $50,000 without a second thought, money isn't that tight.

Sorry the comment on the accusation towards the gay bashing was for Rick NOT Matt, who has not left a response. My apologies to Matt when he does read the column.

Cathy - maybe I read/interpreted it wrong but what do you think this is: "The ladies say "it's no one's business if you're a recovering alcoholic." Well, it's no one's business if you're gay, but I hear people announcing it left and right as if it were".

You are going to have to learn how to handle these situations if you are going to stay sober. Perhaps you are in the "wrong" job. Right now would not be a good time to look for a new job since you are newly sober, but in time you might want to look for a job where you are with other like minded people. Otherwise just tell them you are a recovering alcoholic and can't go into drinking establishments etc. People will understand.

Re: Rick ---- Your wording is what caught my eye. I understand your meaning but just because someone comments on gay people does not mean it's gay bashing. Nothing negative was said to infer gay bashing. Maggie said she had a great deal of respect for someone who could say they were recovering and do not wish to jeopardize their sobriety. Her reference towards gay people gets the point across, at least to me. A recovering alcoholic should not be ashamed of the truth. Just as a gay person should not be ashamed of the truth. If a gay person can feel free (and they should feel free) to annouce who they are, than a recovery alcoholic shoud have those same feelings of freedom. Incidentally, I hate that word gay. It has become the new slang word for moron. So at this point I am not sure what word to even use.

Rick, if you can explain how my comment is "gay bashing," I would be fascinated to hear.

Re: Cathy. Uhm...accepted. I guess people around here have gotten so used to hearing me say things that are critical of the homosexual lifestyle....Anyway, I'm having a hard time seeing what LW1's recovery from alcoholism has to do with gayness. It was a mistake to make any connection between the two.

Re: Matt It has nothing to do with the exact situations. It has EVERYTHING to do with the attitude of those people around them. That is the point, being open about who you are. If one can be proud to announce their orientation then why can't someone be proud to announce their (hard fought, hard won) sobriety? I have explained it in depth.