LW2 - Oh, get a life. Your daughter has been married for 10 years and is, apparently, in a happy enough marriage to want to celebrate her anniversary with a renewal of her vows. What's more important to you: the celebration of your daughter's happiness or the clothes she wears? Enough "white weddings" out there don't lead to lasting marriages for even 5 years, let alone 10, for reasonable people to know that there is no correlation between the color of the bride's dress and a solid, loving, supportive marriage.

LW2. Apparently some people are easily horrified. Mom and Dad didn't get the white wedding. There are a lot worse things than that. The halloween wedding shows off their free spirits and sense of fun. Plus I am sure every other guest there besides Mom, love the theme wedding way more than a somber white wedding affair. Celebrate the son in law coming home safe from Afganistan and their love and happiness and get over being *horrified*

I find the vow renewal the offensive part. Wedding vows are supposed to be for life, they don't require renewal. Vow renewals imply that a couple is to be congratulated for doing what they already promised to do, which is stay together. On a more practical note, how many times are their friends and family supposed to be on the hook for gifts? Does a couple who've performed the amazing feat of staying married get to demand gifts every decade?

I told my husband I either wanted to renew our wedding vows or go on a cruise for our 25th anniversary. I got the cruise, (which is what I really wanted.) Now that we're approaching 35, I'm thinking of what I can ask for.......hehehe.

Re: Ari____ I see your point, but I don't think I'd agree. Not all wedding vows include "till death do us part." Whether they are *supposed* to do so or not is entirely a matter of opinion. I am not advocating temporary marriages. I presume that most people, when they get married, do intend to stay together, but that doesn't negate the fact that a large number of couples divorce, whether they promised to stay together or not. If that were not the case, prenups would be illogical. I think that most renewals of vows are mainly about continuing to celebrate the marriage - just like any anniversary. After all, people are regularly congratulated for doing what they promised to do, which is to stay together - to use your words. When my grandparents celebrated their 50th anniversary (years and years ago), we congratulated them. Should we have forgone the celebrations and the congratulations because they had promised to stay together, so it wasn't a big deal that they did? I don't think so. As for the gifts, who said that the guests are "on the hook" for them? Gifts are and have always been entirely optional - yes, even for weddings. If the couple is asking for gifts, they are violating the basic rules of etiquette, whether they are saying their first vows ever or renewing them at any point in their lives.

LW1: Doesn't anyone else see what's wrong here? To paraphrase: I thought because she was so dependent...she would never cheat? His idea of a relationship is all about control. And while cheating, withholding sex, and not taking care of her health are damaging ways to push back, that's what she's doing. They're in a dance of control and rebellion that may meet some sick psychological need but it's not going to get them anywhere happy. I hope that they're going to a counselor that picks up the mutually destructive behaviour as opposed to focusing on her actions.