I have to disagree with the automatic assessment that someone who throws their laundry on the floor has OCD and is a hoarder. Obsessive-compulsive hoarding is a completely different thing from being a slob. Hoarders actually cannot bring themselves emotionally to part with anything--from old clothes, to spoiled food, to used sanitary supplies. Their houses fill with what other people would literally consider garbage, not just dirty laundry.

I do think, though, that it would be a good idea for Help's girlfriend to get a psychological and physical evaluation to rule out such a cause for her lack of orderliness. I have also been one to leave dirty laundry on the floor and dishes in the sink (part of the reason I choose to live alone), and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and related depression. Treatment can help!

I'm curious as to how LW1 worded his letter. His "girlfriend of 15 years, mother figure, my daughter, her son"...Is he saying that his daughter doesn't belong to his girlfriend and the son doesn't belong to him? If they're blending kids from other relationships that occurred during their 15 years, I'd say clothes on the floor are the least of his worries.

Re: Joannakathryn____ I was wondering about it too, and I, too, find the wording bizarre. He has a girlfriend of 15 years and a 5yo daugther, who, apparently, is not the GF's daughter. So, he fathered a child with somebody else 10 years into this relationship with the woman he "truly loves"? If not, how come she is not the mother, but a "mother figure" to "his" daughter? He doesn't say how old GF's son is, so it is possible that she had him before she started the current 15-year-old relationship. As for marriage, he has lived with her for 15 years, her being a slob and all, but somehow her lack of neatness prevents him from making the relationship official. Why? It sounds as bizarre to me as the wording with respect to the little girl. "I will live with you, have sex with you, sleep in the filthy bedroom strewn with dirty laundry, eat food cooked in a dirty kitchen every day, navigate around bags of stuff all over the house, but I won't get a marriage license"? How exactly is their living together for 15 years different from marriage, aside from the legal aspects, such as the ability to have each other as dependents on health insurance or having next-of-kin decision rights? Besides, if the woman wonders why he won't marry her, is there a reason he can't tell her? It all sounds like a very dysfunctional relationship.

I do not understand the first letter at all. Her son,my daughter together 15 yars. His parents will no longer come to OUR house. She wonders why I will not marry her. I want to buy my first house but I will not live with her. WHAT? Nothing makes sense. Why do they have their own separate underage children when they have been together 15 years? Why will he not live with her when they buy a house but will live with her while renting. I am also sick and tired that every lazy a$$ person unwilling to get up off their butts to clean or work have some make believe *disorder*.

Dear Annie!
Sometimes you write: "There are no rules", when people ask what they should do e.g. when a mother is sad and surprised that the boyfriend she lives with took her daughter; or when girls get them selves pregnant when they are under the influence; ignore the man who sleeps with your wife ...
Well, let me help you out. There are many rules out there. Not only many religions will explain clearly that people shouldn`t cohabitate before marriage, and that we should abstain from alcohol, but also also many consciencious people without religion will see those rules as wise and sensible; (by the way that man whose friend betrayed him should be beaten up!!. There ...another rule!) please consider this as a loving comment!!!

I also found the letter strange in that the man has a 5 year old but the woman he's with for 15 years is not the mother, but only a mother-figure. It's possible she has a teenaged boy from a previous relationship, since the lw doesn't specify the boy's age, but I still don't get the math for the daughter. And how is the woman a good mother figure if the girl is starting to mimmick these bad habits? The woman might be hoarding, but hoarders are not slobs: they can't part with anything because the items represent a security blanket and are also closely linked to memories. In general hoarders have specific reasns why they hold onto each particular item and may even create rules or reasons behind their ilogical behaviour. From the sound of it, this woman doesn't seem to do this, she just simply doesn't want to pick up after herself. At the extreme, she may be a ratpack, but this is a mild case compared to real hoarding.

Re: frans b de Jong--What are you talking about? Annie didn't say "There are no rules" in responde to any of these letters.