Did the ladies not read the first letter? The letter writer can't go to the hardware store and buy a lock. Her mother has already forbidden it. Mom already knows her younger child has a problem but has chosen to ignore it. Do you think a clipped advice column is going to help? Since you're already on your way to the hardware store, maybe buy a nice, sturdy footlocker. Store your precious things in there until you can afford to move out.

Datura, you're absolutely right. What a sad situation for a household. As for the wedding present that got "lost", there is NO way I would buy another gift. The purpose of those tables is as an ostentatious display and they are a theft waiting to happen. The loss of the gift is the fault of the bride and groom.

Re: Datura -- Your suggestion is so much better than the columnists'. A person cannot and should not make physical changes to someone else's belongings including their house without that person's permission. So if the mom said no lock, no lock. For all any of us knows, they live in a rented apartment or house and putting screw holes or such into a wooden door may be considered damage. I'd say she should show her letter to her mom and Annie's response. Then a locked footlocker may be either an alternate solution or an added solution to a locked door. -------- My concern is also for the younger daughter. If this has been a pattern of behavior for years, I don't understand why the mom hasn't gotten professional advice by now. I know finances are often a big concern, but there are mental health clinics that charge on a sliding fee scale. Certainly the cost of helping this child would be a really good example of the old proverbs "a stitich in time saves 9" and "penny wise, pound foolish." This girl should have had help with her underlying problems long ago, but it's better to get her help now than allow her to grow up with this criminal behavior ingrained and the underlying psychological problems unaddressed. The mom is either overwhelmed with her own problems or is just plain neglectful.

I'd put the lock on if I were her. Her mother's already proven she can't prevent her younger daughter from STEALING, so what's she going to do when her elder daughter puts a lock on the door? If they're in a rental and the change to the door comes out of the security deposit, I'd direct the mother to her younger daughter for reimbursement, as she's the one who made the lock necessary.

My response is, so what if the mother has forbidden a lock? The mother isn't protecting her older daughter the way she should and she's doing a huge disservice to the younger one by allowing her to steal and lie. I thought the advice was perfectly reasonable. The lock might be the wake-up call the mother needs. I would just hope the older daughter wouldn't be daunted by the idea of installing a lock herself. A footlocker is a good idea, but she wouldn't be able to fit everything in it and she shouldn't have to pack everything away every time she leaves her room. A lock on a closet door, if feasible, could be a decent compromise. (And if screw holes are a problem at any point later, they're easily filled in and painted over.) Getting counseling for the younger sister seems vital. I think the older sister should definitely talk to someone at the high school, probably a guidance counselor. So what if the mother gets mad? The long term issues are more important.

I would go against the mom that said no. I would definately buy a lock. If Mom refuses to help what should daughter do? As for the footlocker. It is impossible to do that. She would have to pack ALL her belongings away. All her trinkets, all her clothes, all her cosmetics, books, gifts, jewelry etc.... everything! How is that even possible?

Do either of these troubled young ladies have a DAD? I noticed that nobody - letter writer, columnists, comment posters - mentioned talking to their father or otherwise gaining a male perspective. That's what I would suggest, if possible. Putting a lock on the door might be a fine idea, but even if so, it doesn't solve the underlying issues. For that, another adult needs to intervene. If Dad isn't in the picture, then I would next suggest that the older sister enlist the help of another adult - a school counselor like Van Wickle suggested, the parent of a friend, a neighbor, an uncle, a grandparent - whatever - to try and talk some sense into the mother here. She doesn't seem to have any control of this situation at all or any presence of mind to take action which would remedy it, except to forbid her older daughter from doing the one thing that might help. It's a sad situation all the way around.

LW1 could replace the doorknob with a locking one, which wouldn't do any damage to the rest of the door. I'm surprised her sister hasn't been caught shoplifting. I'd have rigged up some kind of trap by now. A mousetrap comes to mind.

If the mother will not discipline her thieving daughter, it's time to take the bull by the horns. Stealing is a crime, even if it's stealing from family members. I dealt with a roommate who stole from me, and since she was related to the homeowner, it didn't stop until I FORCED her to take responsibility. It was ugly for a while, but she's definitely a better person now because I pushed her to deal with it. We're still friends - 20 years later.

Hey, LW1? Go buy a nanny-cam and hide it very well in your room. Now, photograph your room and all your belongings making notes of serial numbers or other details of all your valuables; just like you would for an insurance policy. Mail a copy of this list to yourself for evidence/ proof that these items are yours and in your possession at the time of the postmark. (Don't open the envelope after it arrives, BTW. Just keep it.You might need it later, and it should be sealed for credibility under the law.)
Once you have a video of your sister stealing, don't talk to her, don't talk to mom, do not pass go, do not collect $200......go right to the police and file a theft report. No need to give them your video or other evidence yet. Just return to Mom and Sis, show them a copy of your police report, and give an ultimatum. Either your items are returned unharmed AND your sister enters specialized therapy for thieves (perhaps Google for some ideas) or you turn the video and the postmarked letter over to the cops. Oh, and you really better mean this when you say it -- an empty threat is useless.
It's called tough love. Your sister REALLY needs it! Unless somebody stands up to her and insists she live with the consequences of stealing, she will keep doing it. She will end up in jail -- as an adult! You can help her; obviously, Mom is too cowardly to help her.
Good luck.