LW1 - Maybe I am too cynical, but I think that the best way to establish yourself as an independent woman is not necessarily to do a whole bunch of volunteer work because you need to fill your time. Volunteer work is admirable and deserves enormous praise. However, historically, wives of prominent men started literacy programs and food drives, held fundraisers to help one cause or another, and generally engaged in a lot of philanthropy. Yet, they were still perceived as being inferior to their husbands, who did "real" work. I think the perception still exists and shows no signs of disappearing. I would suggest that if LW1 wants to be treated as an intelligent and independent woman, she could put time into establishing her own career independent of her husband and excelling in it. That way, she will be respected in her own right, if not by her husband and his family, then by her own colleagues, business partners, or clients. Volunteer work for charities can go along with that as well.

To the lady who complained because people are complaining about Christmas newsletters: did she ever stop to think that other people had crappy years and really don't want to hear about someone else's "blessings"? Even if the newsletter writer did edit out all of his/her grief, the reader doesn't know that. I don't believe in newsletters. If you are so close with people, they already knw what happened in your life. If you don't speak to others, a newsletter isn't keeping them in your life. It's time to let go...

For the lady whose entertains fruitlessly - what's the housekeeping standards at that house? There has to be a solid reason nobody is willing to come to that house, and if the people like her and her family, but never show up there, housekeeping may be the reason. I don't insist on spotless perfection (lived with that and really didn't like the burden!) but some hygiene and tidiness is vital, and possibly the LW falls short of a minimal standard. She sounds perfectly rational in her letter, so maybe it's time to hunt up a brutally honest good friend and ask.

Valerie and Melinda, you both said it perfectly with respect to each letter.

Why do these women start off their letters with how their husband, boyfriend, maaaayun, is wonderful but ends up being an a--hole?

Miss Sashay, it happens with fathers too. Someone will start off by saying how what a wonderful father her husband is, and then tell a story that would horrify any sensible person.

Re: Christmas Letters, an entirely different perspective. I have a file marked Mom's Christmas Letters, the first one dated 1963. We dressed my Barbie as an Angel for the tree; Mom sent fudge to my brother in service; my other brother had a new baby. Then there is the sad but brave letter she wrote in 1972, after Dad died, and a happy upbeat one in 1979 with her new husband, an old boyfriend from her youth. Prosaic stuff becomes a family history in annual installments, a reminder of events and people who might otherwise slip out of memory. I helped her edit in later years, to avoid TMI about health issues, etc., but the collection itself is priceless.

It seems to me like social networking sites like Facebook have just about rendered the annual Christmas letter obsolete anyway.