Skin flick? Seriously? A hint of cleavage is not pornographic. Not all women feel comfortable with shirts that cover up to our necks, and for some of us that's what it takes for absolutely nothing to show. I find it very irritating that this column unquestioningly publishes letters castigating how women choose to dress without allowing women any agency in the matter. A more useful pursuit would be questioning why female newscasters are required to be young and thin, not how they are dressed.

Used and Neglected said in her letter "my sister and I decided to assume responsibility for her". Since Used's sister has never taken their mother, it could be that Used made the decision & ignored her sister's input.
I think it is telling that other relatives will see the mother and sister - but not Used.

The family members made it clear where they thought her mom should go and live. I also agree with KE. Used most likely made the decision for both herself and her sis. Just because she decided to care for mom for the last 7 years does mean everyone is up to the challenge. I'm guessing the reason she is never visited or sent invitations is because she uses that time to try to guilt relatives into caring for mom. If mom lived in a home designed for her needs and with staff paid to care for her these relatives would most likely visit her often and take her for a few hours at a time. In addition mom would probably be happier there. In regards to the 15 year old girlfriend, I think his mom just wants to complain. If he went back to old girlfriend his mom would find something to complain about with her too. I do not see where a 15 year old girl is too young for a 17 year old boy.

Re: Cathy--I agree with you about 15/17 year olds dating. When I was in high school, dating a guy a couple or even 3 years older was considered normal and nobody thought twice about it. Things have changed so much over the last 20 years, though, that a 17 year old boy could get in trouble and be labeled a sex offender if he and the 15 year old have sex and her parents go ballistic. When my son was dating a girl who was under 18--he was 19, I told him to make sure her parents knew his age and that they were okay with the age difference of 2 years. I was glad when she turned 18.

I'm a bit confused by "somehow, my sister's turn never came." Why not? Did the LW just assume that her sister would offer to take their mother? She should have stood up for herself when the 6 months were up and said, "Sis, it's time for you to take Mom, as per our agreement." I especially don't understand how one year became two, then four, then seven. This should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago, and now it's become chronic just as the family has gotten used to the present arrangement. Unfortunately, this situation is all-too-common in families with multiple adult children and an ailing parent(s). One sibling often winds up shouldering a disproportionate share of the load.

Re: Cathy -- -- Fifteen is below the age of consent in many states. Google "age of consent" in quotation marks and you'll get a list of sites discussing this. A 17 year old is not all that much older than a 15 year old, but the kid could end up listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life is he has sex with this girl and her parents choose to have him prosecuted. For that reason, I'd be advising my son to either break up or make sure he doesn't touch the girl. It's not as though at 15 or 17 these kids are old enough to be making life long commitments. ---------------

Regarding the woman caring for her mom: I think you could be right. Why did she allow her sister to get away with not taking her turn? I also wonder if the lw works outside her home because she mentions she's nearing retirement. If she does, maybe the sister has actually been caring for the mom during the day. She should just get the family together to decide the best facility for the mom and have her move there. Not all nursing homes or assisted living facilities are awful. The mom may actually do better in one.

Re: Pat-tricia I know all about the age of consent. This kid never mentioned sex just that his mother does not like his girlfriend. There is no law preventing these two from dating. So if there is no sex there is no problem, other that a judgemental mother that cannot say why she does not like the girl.

Re: the LW taking care of Mom. I understand how one person can get burdened with all the responsibility. After all, what can you do to a sibling who doesn't do his or her part? Not much! I've been there and so have a number of my friends who found themselves alone in the responsibility for a disabled parent. The other family members mentioned, besides the 2 sisters, were aunts. It was not their decision, it was the daughters if their father wasn't alive or wasn't still married to Mom. There are many factors to be considered. It is easy to say put Mom in a nursing home, but many factors are involved besides just quality of the facility. One important one is cost. Another is how Mom would react to the less private and more restrictive environment. Would the ones calling for a nursing home actually visit Mom there, or would it just ease their conscience? Is Mom happy with the current situation? Perhaps assisted living might be a better choice, it allows more privacy and independence than a nursing home. The LW needs to face up to the fact she has the responsibility alone and it isn't likely to change. From what I have observed in families where one person is the caregiver and the others do nothing, it is not unusual for the caregiver to be shunned due to guilt. Sometimes even one or several indulge in some pretty viscious gossip to make themselves feel better.

about unhappy teen, i started seeing a 12 year girl old in 1970, i was 14, and we dated until 1977 when we got married, well guess what threshold we had to cross? sometimes the only barriers we have in life are placed there by someone else, all you must do is stay committed to finding the solutrion to the problem, and we are still commited to each other today, 15 and 17 are just numbers,,, just like 1970 to 2009, if we are going to play the numbers game, then we must play all the numbers that will work, not just the ones we want to see and use.. i never knew that true LOVE ever cared about numbers, guess i read something new today.
" been there and still in LOVE"